Tag Archives: realization

Deep Breathing Challenge, Day #14

It is Day 14 now: 

I am two weeks into my commitment to deep breathing for thirty full days. As you know, I took on this challenge to see if anything would positively impact my way of life. So far, I have yawned a whole bunch, my chronic hiccups have diminished, my Intercostals have been working out the knots in the muscles on their own, I have successfully gained control of my vocal pace, volume, thought output, and I have sweat a whole ton of toxins out of my body.

1. Sleeping

I would be lying if I said that I was good enough to consciously deep breathe while sleeping, and because I am already a vivid, tuned in, and lucid dreamer; I can’t really say that I am taking up awareness to my breathing depending on what I am dreaming about. I still twitch and move in my sleep, as well as make some weird faces. Sometimes I still wake up in a pool of sweat or my beau will hear me moaning and groaning like I’m having a deep conversation in my dreaming world, but what I have noticed about sleeping from my deep breathing is the length of time it takes me to go to sleep. It doesn’t take long. I have slept deep and thorough. Sometimes, too thorough to the point where I could and would spend all day sleeping if I didn’t have to get up for work and let me tell you, it feels soooo good when I wake up! Last night, I fell asleep watching a movie with Danny and woke up at 10:30pm telling him I was just preparing to take Zai out and feed her breakfast before I get ready for work. Realizing what time it really was, I was elated knowing that a) it was still nighttime and b) I could go back to sleep and finish enjoying the dream I had woken up from. The two hours I had slept had given me such deep and purified energy that I was ready for the day to begin, BEFORE IT EVEN HIT MIDNIGHT!! Everytime I fall asleep, I sleep deep. That’s not unusual for me. But the length of time it usually takes for me to fall asleep is almost an hour, if not more than that.

I have a weakness for insomnia. And when I am deep breathing all evening and after mindfully chewing my food and mindfully taking my dog out for her nighttime potty, I get to mindfully lay in bed and put my waking day to rest for seven hours of restful sleep.

2. Calm, Cool, and Collected

Now, before I get started – this isn’t to say that I don’t ever get mad about something I feel is an important conversation. Last Tuesday night, I lost my cool, completely. I was very passionate about my side of opinion on a touchy subject. I defended my end with no apologies. I cried a lot, and it took a couple days of almost complete silence, zero appetite for food, and no physical touching, for me to decide where exactly it was that I fit in this whole scheme of things. That being said, I unleashed every dark side of me. I had a “now or never” moment and knew that it was either then I would forgive every piece of my past, every mental and emotional fear I have, and everything I’ve ever held in; or I would sit with it forever, allowing the person I loved the most to never get a genuine chance to see why I lived the way I did and why certain things affect me as they do. The scariest part of being with someone is showing them every beautiful, whimsical, terrifying, ugly, wonderful, brave, and courageous piece of you.

Deep breathing has given me a chance prior and post that experience, to remain so calm, that Danny has asked me multiple times, if I am okay. Since I’m not talking fast and I’m not speaking loudly, and I’m not talking about every tiny insignificant detail on my mind, I am sitting with my thoughts (which, deep breath after another, seem to be little thanks to the natural filtering process my instincts have taken on). When I speak, it’s with the intention to have conversation or to communicate with meaning; instead of talking to hear the sound of my voice.

Being calm has given me a better understanding on the World and myself. Things that make shake my head that I have done in the past and hopeful reactions I will have in the future. My eyes have been opened to something so special. My life has been so full of loud noises, chaotic moments, for so long and it hasn’t been until these last 4 years of awakening and learning zen, peace, and meditation, that I have really honed myself in myself. 

Utilizing my newfound state of my mind, I am appreciating the observant side in myself. Talking less has given me the peace to be quiet. It has given me the respect and appreciation of what it means to be quiet. Not having an opinion on every bit of thing is freeing! I never knew it could be that way. Not sharing my experiences or memories when someone is trying to genuinely share something great about their lives is joyful and exciting and an eye opener. Realizing how rude I’ve probably been for so long. It’s enlightening and a beautiful change to accept from within. To listen is a beautiful gift. I don’t just know this now, but I truly appreciate this now. 
I hope you all have enjoyed my update for this week. Peace be with all of you!

Deep Breath In, Deep Breath Out

This past Friday evening, Danny and I came home to a record high, 88 degrees in our house. With humidity; that’s comparable to a sauna. We couldn’t escape the heat and only two windows in our apartment (out of six) open up. We decided it’s time. The air conditioner from the attic got brought down and set up in the living room. We couldn’t seem to get it filtering through the house fast enough for us to cool down. He took a cold shower and I took many deep breaths (as I normally do in the saunas and steam rooms to deal with the overwhelming heat and sweat factors).

After moving our mattress into the living room, we finally got a place of peace. Cool air and one super happy dog. Since we haven’t yet got a couch, we figured, why the hell not? I will tell you, it’s like living in a studio and I love the daily adventures Danny and I have together in this apartment. This being the newest one, inspired me on a new 30 Day Challenge.


Last night,  we were laughing and exhausted after dinner and cleaning up. We had some time to kill after we used the rest of our data to watch Orange Is the New Black: Season 3. That was when I suggested we geek out together: massage therapy style. I was so excited, I jumped to the bookshelf and grabbed my anatomy book and started flipping through it.

“Name me all the Deep Hip Rotators from Superior to Inferior!” I said, and when he would get stuck, we would go through the analogies together. “Go Go P Quick! What’s it stand for?!” and there was “Name me Two Majors & A Miss!” “Where is it at?!” “YEAH!!!”

SO MUCH FUN! Geeking out with your boyfriend when you both know what you’re talking about, is about as fun as going to an amusement park with no lines for the rides; in my opinion. We went on like that for about an hour and laughing so hard.


He started talking to me about yawning and deep breathing versus shallow breathing. I was intrigued about everything he had to say about the topic and realized, other than in meditation, when do people breathe deeply? And if we made a conscious effort to deep breathe every waking moment, what kinds of positive changes would we manifest in our reality? Would it change anything at all?

“I’m going to find out..” I said, “I am going to do a 30 day challenge and I’m going to breathe deeply for thirty days, as consciously as possible no matter what it is I’m doing and I am going to see how it affects my life in any area.”


So here we are, Day #1:

So far, the only thing I have noticed is that I am yawning a ton. When you go from shallow breathing, to deep breathing, you are in-taking more air than is recognizable for your body to sort through. There is so much oxygen to process it becomes overwhelming to the vessel and results in a yawn. This is why, when most of us do yoga or meditations, we feel ourselves yawning when we are breathing and becoming fully aware of our body.

Lots and lots of yawns.

I will admit it is a challenge to keep mindful of deep breaths during talking, walking, cooking, driving, or singing….. things we literally never think about breathing with. Sometimes I will forget and catch myself moments later suddenly wondering, “Oh wow, have I even been breathing this whole time?” and quickly realizing, it’s a learning system. I am essentially teaching an old dog new tricks. Redesigning my lungs, their capacity, and my diaphragm.

Can these get sore, like working out makes our other muscles sore? Hmm… food for thought.

Until the next update, I’m Zynnia. And I hope you all have a great day! 🙂

Wildfire.

I’m having revelation after revelation it seems since starting my last term at school. The middle three and fourth terms you really do get burned out. At least for our criteria. We are the graduating class EM1012,

We are the fearless class who spoke up and spoke loud and have made an impact that will forever last on the school.

I think my problem is that I have just taken a fake effect on everything in life. For some reason, a visual part of my life just seems to have a weird effect in my life now. The past comes back. I notice it more when I’m high with Lion.  I feel bad when I get to that point where I usually spend that “high time” by myself. And we do everything together. We both miss our alone time, and it’s fair that we both get that. We are just people.

I don’t think I have daddy issues at all. In fact, I have seldom issues with my father. But I am the part of him that I enjoy the most. He is my total opposite, and yet one of my favorite like-people in this World.

I know the person who holds my demons. Who stole me of my innocence.

You hear all the time that nobody has fears. “Oh, I’ve seen everything!” they shout, “I have no fears! ! There is nothing to fear in this World because man can do everything. We are forces able to connect with any flowing thing..”, and though that may be true, we can’t do everything all of the time and take on a Superwoman act without rest, without time alone. Burnt out and stressed out. Overloaded and unhappy. Rage and Creepy auras. Vasodialation and heated up with blood flowing. Exchanging energy to sustain the goal in mind. Which is to write! Write however it comes out, because sometimes this feels so much better then crying. Sometimes I just don’t have it in me. I feel horrible because Lion always thinks it’s about him and like he is the only thing that makes me unhappy. But he really doesn’t know about any other of my other stresses. I mainly don’t tell him my stresses or bad news. I don’t want him to stress out about me. I stress him out enough. I feel like an ugly person. Inside and out, ironically! Hahahaha!  I have always wondered if that manifests itself into our literal shape. Mental issues taking a shape onto your body.

I am sitting in the bedroom while my babs is out on the couch. I feel like he thinks these are moments where he can’t do anything. And it sucks, because I don’t know how to show him that I don’t care what he does in his personal life without him thinking that I’m being cynical or cunty. Because, I have a sick tendency to be pretty cunty. I say all sorts of things with my imaginative mind. I just let it flow out, as if I’m opening my subconscious, Of course, I strive to open to my Pituitary Gland. I have been realizing what parts of me I have been neglecting, and the Pituitary Gland is the all mighty. The connection to Third Eye.

I feel like I can’t even control the eyes I have now. I have a problem looking in the center of everything. As I’m typing, I am actually focusing directly in front of me. I’m losing a bit of my sense of time although I still know what’s going on in my home. The computer with the music playing is slowing making its way towards me and the harmonies bear in the meditation.

Bathroom Break.

I can’t justify my personality flaws nor the flaws of other people. I can’t blame my mother or any other outside influence that has many any subconscious impact in my life. The bottom line is: it has.

Whether it was a good or bad experience, it has made an impression in my life. Whether I acknowledge it or not, these life influences sit at the foundation of every life choice I make. I could go on and on and dive into every specific issue and I could pour my heart to you openly. That might make me feel better, if we could get by with treating symptom issues.

I don’t like treating symptoms with my clients, so what makes me think I want to treat symptoms with myself? The goal here is to change the root cause!

What I have now is new-found reality. I will not confine myself to thinking errors such as “I am this way because,__________” because that’s juvenile. In the end, it’s our energetic force-field that has allowed for the influence and whatever influence has made its way, must have needed to get in for a reason. I myself have blossomed into a person unlike any other, which is a praise on its own, because that’s what we should do as humans! We have the opportunity, the encouragement above all to live our passions. Being ourselves is something not many people in this World know they can be, and yet, it’s our birth right. Stripped away from some of us at birth, from government, from abusive environments, from report cards, and societal failures. In reality, we are the only person able to stop us; if we allow someone else to do that job, we might as well already be half dead.

Influence. Impression. Impact.

So how do I, and other people in the same type of situation, deal with this?

We acknowledge it. We accept it. We change it.
But how do we change it?

By developing new thinking habits. It’s the one controllable change we have upon ourselves. We read and write all the time lists and explanations of ways to improve our happiness, our general emotional state, and our mental clarity. Be positive. Change your realm of people. Take a Me Day. Create a Gratitude Journal. Try this, try that, and let me tell you how to live a happier life in less than 100 ways.

That’s not reality though, because not everybody has the same motivation or change rate. Not everyone’s problems come from their friends or jobs. Not everyone wants to give up their inner circle in order to have a peace of mind. Not everybody has to write in a gratitude journal to make their prayers validated. Again, all that does is fix the symptoms. So when the unhappiness creeps back in, it’s back to the drawing board.

The only thing we need to do when it comes to looking for change is our thought process. It’s the one aspect that drives every action, every perceptional view, every choice and emotion and reason for what we do. If we don’t think we sit. Our brain doesn’t know what else to do other than go with the flow. By re-training our thought patterns, we can project a better outcome for ourselves.

I’m not a scientist or psychologist. I can’t tell you ways on how to change your thought process, because I don’t know where your issues stem from. I also don’t have all the time in the World to hear about them as much as you don’t have all the time in the World to talk about them. And that’s okay. It’s not inhumane of me to not want to hear about it. You don’t know me from Eve, so why should you bear your innermost problems to me by way of verbal information?

I am a Professional Massage Therapist. A holistic body worker and firm believer in the connection with our Physical and Energetic bodies. Everyday I get to work with someone new and help facilitate the healing process for them to get back to their optimal level of health, by bringing them back in alignment with the gravitational pull and balancing out the energies and emotions that are inside. I get to communicate with bodies everyday and learn something new from someone. It’s truly a blessing what I do and I hope to do it my entire life.

You can’t fix your physical problems without fixing your energetic problems and vice versa. You can’t recognize your issues and continue to write a rain check on them in the hopes you will still progress. And you wonder why you’re not changing….

For me, I change my thought process by forcing positive thoughts my way if in the event they are in deep hiding. I fake it to make it sometimes. I am only human and it’s impossible to be consistently happy all of the time. We need down sides to even us out. We need a flushing of emotions to keep us in check that, hey! We’re humans. It’s what we do.

By becoming better in touch with ourselves and who we are, we need to make that connection solid between heart and mind. We need to listen to our bodies when it tells us something. We need not to fight the releasement our bodies crave. Our bodies need the releasement and would fulfill it’s craving if we didn’t let our pride and mind control get in the way. We have a right to live free of dis-ease. We have a right to bury our burdens and set the grave on fire.

 

We have a right to shine and grow and fulfill our passionate destinies.

It’s our birthright, to burn like Wildfire.