It is Day 14 now:
I am two weeks into my commitment to deep breathing for thirty full days. As you know, I took on this challenge to see if anything would positively impact my way of life. So far, I have yawned a whole bunch, my chronic hiccups have diminished, my Intercostals have been working out the knots in the muscles on their own, I have successfully gained control of my vocal pace, volume, thought output, and I have sweat a whole ton of toxins out of my body.
I would be lying if I said that I was good enough to consciously deep breathe while sleeping, and because I am already a vivid, tuned in, and lucid dreamer; I can’t really say that I am taking up awareness to my breathing depending on what I am dreaming about. I still twitch and move in my sleep, as well as make some weird faces. Sometimes I still wake up in a pool of sweat or my beau will hear me moaning and groaning like I’m having a deep conversation in my dreaming world, but what I have noticed about sleeping from my deep breathing is the length of time it takes me to go to sleep. It doesn’t take long. I have slept deep and thorough. Sometimes, too thorough to the point where I could and would spend all day sleeping if I didn’t have to get up for work and let me tell you, it feels soooo good when I wake up! Last night, I fell asleep watching a movie with Danny and woke up at 10:30pm telling him I was just preparing to take Zai out and feed her breakfast before I get ready for work. Realizing what time it really was, I was elated knowing that a) it was still nighttime and b) I could go back to sleep and finish enjoying the dream I had woken up from. The two hours I had slept had given me such deep and purified energy that I was ready for the day to begin, BEFORE IT EVEN HIT MIDNIGHT!! Everytime I fall asleep, I sleep deep. That’s not unusual for me. But the length of time it usually takes for me to fall asleep is almost an hour, if not more than that.
I have a weakness for insomnia. And when I am deep breathing all evening and after mindfully chewing my food and mindfully taking my dog out for her nighttime potty, I get to mindfully lay in bed and put my waking day to rest for seven hours of restful sleep.
2. Calm, Cool, and Collected
Now, before I get started – this isn’t to say that I don’t ever get mad about something I feel is an important conversation. Last Tuesday night, I lost my cool, completely. I was very passionate about my side of opinion on a touchy subject. I defended my end with no apologies. I cried a lot, and it took a couple days of almost complete silence, zero appetite for food, and no physical touching, for me to decide where exactly it was that I fit in this whole scheme of things. That being said, I unleashed every dark side of me. I had a “now or never” moment and knew that it was either then I would forgive every piece of my past, every mental and emotional fear I have, and everything I’ve ever held in; or I would sit with it forever, allowing the person I loved the most to never get a genuine chance to see why I lived the way I did and why certain things affect me as they do. The scariest part of being with someone is showing them every beautiful, whimsical, terrifying, ugly, wonderful, brave, and courageous piece of you.
Deep breathing has given me a chance prior and post that experience, to remain so calm, that Danny has asked me multiple times, if I am okay. Since I’m not talking fast and I’m not speaking loudly, and I’m not talking about every tiny insignificant detail on my mind, I am sitting with my thoughts (which, deep breath after another, seem to be little thanks to the natural filtering process my instincts have taken on). When I speak, it’s with the intention to have conversation or to communicate with meaning; instead of talking to hear the sound of my voice.
Being calm has given me a better understanding on the World and myself. Things that make shake my head that I have done in the past and hopeful reactions I will have in the future. My eyes have been opened to something so special. My life has been so full of loud noises, chaotic moments, for so long and it hasn’t been until these last 4 years of awakening and learning zen, peace, and meditation, that I have really honed myself in myself.
Utilizing my newfound state of my mind, I am appreciating the observant side in myself. Talking less has given me the peace to be quiet. It has given me the respect and appreciation of what it means to be quiet. Not having an opinion on every bit of thing is freeing! I never knew it could be that way. Not sharing my experiences or memories when someone is trying to genuinely share something great about their lives is joyful and exciting and an eye opener. Realizing how rude I’ve probably been for so long. It’s enlightening and a beautiful change to accept from within. To listen is a beautiful gift. I don’t just know this now, but I truly appreciate this now.
I hope you all have enjoyed my update for this week. Peace be with all of you!