Tag Archives: plan

Insecurities

We all have them.
One way or another.
But why is it we are allowing ourselves to be victimized by our fears?
We project our fear falling reality onto other people and lash out at people who react to our insecurities, and maybe we do so because we just can’t admit that we know how silly it is.

Insecurities stop us from evolving into our full potential.

For example: I love writing. It’s my first love, my true love, my therapy, my EVERYTHING. But look at my blog: always empty! Don’t you just want to kick me?! (Please don’t though ūüôā ) The archives are, sporadic, for lack of a better word.¬†All I have ever wanted was to be blogger and writer. Isn’t that hilarious? So what exactly is stopping me?

CREATIVE ANXIETY.

It’s¬†something I am just diving into. Why and how could I not have time for my biggest passion? Why and how could I be scared of presenting to the public what my most favorite thing in the World is? BECAUSE I HAVE AN INSECURITY ABOUT IT. But what caused this insecurity? That’s what I’m going to find out.

You’re going to hopefully learn from my experience first hand on what it means to hit a road block, acknowledge the road block, admit out loud what your problem is, and create a plan to change it.

With my clients, we work as a team together through our massage and bodywork sessions to analyze the traumas that are stuck within the body. When people hear “trauma” they automatically assume the worst kind. That’s not always the case.

It’s also not always the case that trauma to the body is always emotional or a big scene like a movie. As a therapist who does help a lot with the release of emotional trauma, I’d like to believe everything can be that simple. But sometimes, the physical trauma comes from a psychological negative thought pattern; sometimes it’s a trauma simply by overusing the muscle with not enough recovery routine added in.

OUR TRAUMAS BECOME OUR ROAD BLOCKS.

But that doesn’t mean we stop the journey. We have to work to get the road block off the road so we can move forward. There is something truly magical about befriending anxiety, facing our fears with uncertainty of what will come next, and stepping into the darkness.

So what is my plan?
I am going to publish one new article every ten days. I am going to write on my cute little desk calendar the title of my article ideas and I’m going to give myself dates to draft, dates to revise, and dates to publish!
You: “But Ashlyn, what if you forget? What if you get lazy?”
I am so glad you asked. I’ve appointed several people my accountibilibuddies to lend me some motivation when mine fails. And yes, I’m working on my Solar Plexus, kay?! ūüėČ

One of my SoulCycle instructors, once said in class, “It doesn’t matter how much you fall off the wagon in life…… as long as you don’t give up, and you get back on.” This quote has¬†penetrated my gut and demands to stick with me through this phase of life. We have so many wagons of life and it’s my personal obsession to look into the psychology around it and find the ‘why’ of it all.

I know I’ve got nothing to truly worry about other than rejection. And neither do you! Rejection sucks, but what’s the worst that comes from it? We try to force ourselves to appeal to people who don’t dig our style? One of the most important things I’ve learned from working in clubs during my younger years is that there is ALWAYS someone that is appealing to a specific group.

I’m going to stop breaking my back to try and appeal to people who don’t give a damn. And you should, too! If you’re going out of your way to change your ways in order to gain appreciation, admiration, or adoration from someone(s) and they’re repeatedly not into it – fuck ’em! Remember how super kickass you are and realize they’re rejection is a blessing – because it’s pointing you in the direction of your correct path for THIS lifetime.

Never. Stop. Moving. Forward.

If y’all give up because you get embarrassed or sad that people don’t like your talent, then you’re giving mortal, unconnected beings the power to make you feel inferior and you’re also spitting in the face of the Divine Creator who gave you this gift in the first place, and you know what makes you look like a real asshole?
Outwardly hating the gift you got that was so thoughtfully placed for you, just because your “friends” don’t respect what you’re trying to do in life.

Decide for yourself, what it is you’re trying to bring into the World. And then take a look within and find out what your attached insecurities are about it and express them to yourself. If you feel comfortable expressing it to other people, pick your crowd wisely if you want to, or come here and discuss it in the comments section! If you have an insecurity you really want to overcome, follow these steps:

  1. Acknowledge your Insecurity.
  2. Determine your road block(s)
    2A. Create a plan to overcome that blockage.
  3. Make a positive plan of action to work through that insecurity
    3A. Find therapy (i.e. workout, mediation, long walks, talking to an angel, talking to your dog, writing letters to your subconscious/enemies/parents/person who shattered your heart, psychologist – in person or through Talkspace, or vent!)
  4. Dub someone(s) your accountibilibuddy. Ask them to keep you from falling off the wagon. Pick someone you trust and most importantly, someone who really gives a shit about what you’re trying to accomplish in Life.
  5. Give yourself time. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but just fake it til you make it. Take baby steps towards your new you. Be easy on yourself for God’s sake.
  6. AND START RE-TRAINING YOUR BRAIN TO NOT BE SUCH A JERK! Seriously. Train yourself to STOP talking down on your own being! Stop playing out these awful scenarios. When your brain starts to go to those dark places, just tell it to stop and then repeat a positive mantra over and over again. Train your brain to utilize “down time” to repeat mantra’s that help you manifest that kickass life.

Don’t ever stop believing in yourself, and I won’t either okay?

 

Love Always,

Zynnia.

Regaining my life in new territory.

I was becoming exhausted just being in my own body. Another suffering cause was the fact that I¬†hadn’t been giving attention to my hobbies due to the change in my life. Moving here had turned my world upside down. I started to feel suffocated in my own house, trapped by my chores, agonizing over the memories I missed so much from back home. It was tearing me apart. I looked at myself like a quitter. Giving up on my routine and my hobbies of gardening, belly dancing, kundalini yoga sessions, dog parks, making a big breakfast every morning, going to crystal shops, hiking, going to church, etc. I had stopped doing it because I didn’t know where any such places were. I was accepting the fact that the Towne Park a mile away was enough to suffice, because¬†the few dog parks Danny and I did¬†check out, the dogs were all aggressive. Giving up on hiking, realizing that this isn’t Utah, this is the woods. Giving up on gardening because I no longer had a yard to do it in and overestimated the cost for indoor plants. Giving up on yoga because the classes here were just¬†so expensive. I had succumbed to my own mental prison and wide range of excuses.¬†Work and dog walks is all I will be doing here,¬† I thought, trying to hold back my tears. I just kept breathing and praying for something to change.¬†Please, anything to get me back to a state of well-being, I begged.¬†When you stop doing what you love, you stop being the person you are and you allow yourself to lose your spirit, it not only affects yourself, but everyone around you. I started feeling sad, depressed, and irritable, out of the unhappiness I had felt within myself.

On a day like many others, I was cleaning our house and sleeping the floors and¬†organizing the DVDs on the shelf and that’s when I saw it: The yoga DVD I had bought at a pawn shop last Autumn! I stared in disbelief as tears of relief swelled up in my eyes. It was when I stopped looking so hard and so desperately, that it came to me at the right time. The next day, I met a neighbor who lives 1,000 feet away from me. Cristyn’s¬†dog is the same breed as Zai and six months older. They run, they play, and I had found comfort in someone with a very similar lifestyle to my own. A holistic yoga instructor with a Masters in Sports Psyche raised by a homeopathic, animal loving massage therapist. My soul was fed. The bond was cemented and a friendship was born.

One week after that, I go across the street to get Danny some slices of pizza to have ready for his return¬†after a 12 hour¬†day of work. The same manager who was working is the same fellow with whom Danny and I are acquainted with there. Making small talk with Kade, I tell him about the beach in Stamford and he recommends a secluded and quiet beach in Norwalk for me to try. I say, it’s expensive, but I’m sure one day on a special occasion, it will be perfect. He knows Zai, and throws in a few other recommendations.¬†Stone Hill Road, off route 137 and 124 has a dog park that is a wooded trail. It’s quiet and in nature. There are creeks and it’s off leash,¬†he says. And as an added bonus, tells me about Ward Pound Ridge Reservation, not even 10 minutes from my house!¬†It’s a 5,000 acre piece of land where people take their dogs, horses, and go just to enjoy nature. Sometimes there are workout classes there or meditation classes. You can even go camping! Lakes and ponds everywhere. Lots and lots of hiking too. Maybe not like in Utah, but you can certainly venture there,¬†he adds.

My salvation was returning and my depression was diminishing. 

I have accepted the fact, that I may not find a belly dancing class here for a while, but why should that stop me from belly dancing in the comfort of my own home? The same day I went to the Stone Hill Road dog park is the same day I stopped at the library and got a library card. One week ago, Danny bought me house plant. I am not just gardening again, but building upon my happiness that is growing and connecting to Earthly life inside the comfort of a home that has no outside options.

I have met four neighborhood dogs, with amazing owners who I now walk with everyday and our dogs play together. Amazing women of all ages.

My spirits are up and my mood swings are down. My happiness is much and my depression, very little. I have a hunger to do things now. I clung to Danny when I had nothing of my own and it had put a strain and pressure on our relationship that neither of us could escape. I was dependent on him to give me what my hobbies had given me. I didn’t know who was happier when these past few weeks have filled my life with my answered prayers!¬†The strain has been lifted. Being with each other is a choice everyday that we make and it’s enjoyable to make it now. I no longer feel guilty for clinging to him for comfort and a way to be alive. He’s happy for me that I have regained my own life I once had. The life that he loved seeing me have,¬†a free woman who flies by what drives her and interests that she puts her heart into, he says. That’s what made his eyes unable to be taken off of me.

My days are much different now. Filled with moments of care-taking and soul work. Ego releases and breath of fires consume me as I sway around my house cooking and cleaning and running with Zai, falling onto my yoga mat and exercising until I am swimming in sweat to then relax and read whether in my home or at the beach, taking the time to paint my nails and sugar scrub my body and research and write and smile and kiss the Sun every morning that I wake, with a profound sense of fulfillment that must be worked for in life.

I am happy and I am free from my mind’s solitary imprisonment.


 

It’s hard to move to a new place and feel like you’re¬†losing your sense of routine and then feel helpless and succumb to the overwhelming sadness that fills the void.¬†What makes us happy is just too damn important to disregard or make ourselves believe we can live without it. No matter what it is we love, we do it for a reason. It will take a moment to make a new life in a new place and to figure out where your hobbies and craft fit into the schedule of the new environment. It will take a moment to hunt down the places you love going to and finding replacements for the ones you miss.

Moving and rearranging your schedule, routine, and timing for things when you uproot and move to a new place are inevitable. But if it’s an event you think you might ever do, it’s best to prepare for it. Unlike myself, I figured I wouldn’t have a hard time with coping. And assuming that, was my biggest error.

So, first step: Prepare (even if you end up being fine)
Consider what will be different for a bit and what will be the same. Research ahead of time, nearby places that you like to go to and map out areas you will be in a lot. Develop a sense of time that you will spend driving or doing things in your new area.

Second step: Confide¬†in somebody you can trust and be comfortable with. Let them know if you feel like there is something missing and it’s hard for you to sort out your emotions on your own, because, sometimes it is. It’s a time where we can become confused and disoriented.

Third step: Make a plan for the future on what your days will look like at best. Fill in the blank areas with that of which you love doing. Make it realistic and make it count. Don’t wait like I did and struggle with heavy emotions and irrational thoughts. The more you prepare for, the less will surprise you if it happens and the calmer you will be in dealing with it.

You will remain happy, because you did.