Tag Archives: passion

Insecurities

We all have them.
One way or another.
But why is it we are allowing ourselves to be victimized by our fears?
We project our fear falling reality onto other people and lash out at people who react to our insecurities, and maybe we do so because we just can’t admit that we know how silly it is.

Insecurities stop us from evolving into our full potential.

For example: I love writing. It’s my first love, my true love, my therapy, my EVERYTHING. But look at my blog: always empty! Don’t you just want to kick me?! (Please don’t though ūüôā ) The archives are, sporadic, for lack of a better word.¬†All I have ever wanted was to be blogger and writer. Isn’t that hilarious? So what exactly is stopping me?

CREATIVE ANXIETY.

It’s¬†something I am just diving into. Why and how could I not have time for my biggest passion? Why and how could I be scared of presenting to the public what my most favorite thing in the World is? BECAUSE I HAVE AN INSECURITY ABOUT IT. But what caused this insecurity? That’s what I’m going to find out.

You’re going to hopefully learn from my experience first hand on what it means to hit a road block, acknowledge the road block, admit out loud what your problem is, and create a plan to change it.

With my clients, we work as a team together through our massage and bodywork sessions to analyze the traumas that are stuck within the body. When people hear “trauma” they automatically assume the worst kind. That’s not always the case.

It’s also not always the case that trauma to the body is always emotional or a big scene like a movie. As a therapist who does help a lot with the release of emotional trauma, I’d like to believe everything can be that simple. But sometimes, the physical trauma comes from a psychological negative thought pattern; sometimes it’s a trauma simply by overusing the muscle with not enough recovery routine added in.

OUR TRAUMAS BECOME OUR ROAD BLOCKS.

But that doesn’t mean we stop the journey. We have to work to get the road block off the road so we can move forward. There is something truly magical about befriending anxiety, facing our fears with uncertainty of what will come next, and stepping into the darkness.

So what is my plan?
I am going to publish one new article every ten days. I am going to write on my cute little desk calendar the title of my article ideas and I’m going to give myself dates to draft, dates to revise, and dates to publish!
You: “But Ashlyn, what if you forget? What if you get lazy?”
I am so glad you asked. I’ve appointed several people my accountibilibuddies to lend me some motivation when mine fails. And yes, I’m working on my Solar Plexus, kay?! ūüėČ

One of my SoulCycle instructors, once said in class, “It doesn’t matter how much you fall off the wagon in life…… as long as you don’t give up, and you get back on.” This quote has¬†penetrated my gut and demands to stick with me through this phase of life. We have so many wagons of life and it’s my personal obsession to look into the psychology around it and find the ‘why’ of it all.

I know I’ve got nothing to truly worry about other than rejection. And neither do you! Rejection sucks, but what’s the worst that comes from it? We try to force ourselves to appeal to people who don’t dig our style? One of the most important things I’ve learned from working in clubs during my younger years is that there is ALWAYS someone that is appealing to a specific group.

I’m going to stop breaking my back to try and appeal to people who don’t give a damn. And you should, too! If you’re going out of your way to change your ways in order to gain appreciation, admiration, or adoration from someone(s) and they’re repeatedly not into it – fuck ’em! Remember how super kickass you are and realize they’re rejection is a blessing – because it’s pointing you in the direction of your correct path for THIS lifetime.

Never. Stop. Moving. Forward.

If y’all give up because you get embarrassed or sad that people don’t like your talent, then you’re giving mortal, unconnected beings the power to make you feel inferior and you’re also spitting in the face of the Divine Creator who gave you this gift in the first place, and you know what makes you look like a real asshole?
Outwardly hating the gift you got that was so thoughtfully placed for you, just because your “friends” don’t respect what you’re trying to do in life.

Decide for yourself, what it is you’re trying to bring into the World. And then take a look within and find out what your attached insecurities are about it and express them to yourself. If you feel comfortable expressing it to other people, pick your crowd wisely if you want to, or come here and discuss it in the comments section! If you have an insecurity you really want to overcome, follow these steps:

  1. Acknowledge your Insecurity.
  2. Determine your road block(s)
    2A. Create a plan to overcome that blockage.
  3. Make a positive plan of action to work through that insecurity
    3A. Find therapy (i.e. workout, mediation, long walks, talking to an angel, talking to your dog, writing letters to your subconscious/enemies/parents/person who shattered your heart, psychologist – in person or through Talkspace, or vent!)
  4. Dub someone(s) your accountibilibuddy. Ask them to keep you from falling off the wagon. Pick someone you trust and most importantly, someone who really gives a shit about what you’re trying to accomplish in Life.
  5. Give yourself time. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but just fake it til you make it. Take baby steps towards your new you. Be easy on yourself for God’s sake.
  6. AND START RE-TRAINING YOUR BRAIN TO NOT BE SUCH A JERK! Seriously. Train yourself to STOP talking down on your own being! Stop playing out these awful scenarios. When your brain starts to go to those dark places, just tell it to stop and then repeat a positive mantra over and over again. Train your brain to utilize “down time” to repeat mantra’s that help you manifest that kickass life.

Don’t ever stop believing in yourself, and I won’t either okay?

 

Love Always,

Zynnia.

Life As I Know It.

A calm life up in the mountainside is all I need to breathe easy. Serenity surrounding me as a sweet foundation to my ultimately up-and-on-the-go lifestyle. I spread the Word of Wellness around the World with business partners nationwide and internationally. I have an empire built on Massage Therapy/Skin Care  with clients who pay me by way of yearly contract only. I have small shops of different business ideas spread around the county. I spend my days massaging clients in a naturalistic setting and educating them about the importance of self-inspired health and a wellness lifestyle where freedom is infinite and happiness is abundant. My clients are dis-ease free and active. They are also turning 110 this year.

From the success of Phoenix Sun Massage, I have continued on to create a local Massage Supply store in a two-level building with a breakfast bar on the bottom, serving healthy breakfast and other food options with homemade ingredients that are fresh and sludge free. Serving the students and faculty of UCMT along with everyone welcome in Earth community. Ran by the top students of the school, to contribute to Work Study, because we all relate to the struggle of student financial life. Business is going great and our word of mouth advertising has brought us incredible, cultured, unique, and interesting individuals from all over the World. I am able to provide a comfortable employment for my employees. They are rewarded full medical and dental coverage through their schooling with discounts off store product, and an environment full of knowledge, respect, and teamwork to build a trusting foundation to last the days.

I work with the Utah Herding Breed Rescue and use my access of 7 acred-land to house foster dogs far enough into the East mountainside with the luxury of creating a backyard paradise of my custom design. By this time, I have made connections with animal societies and animal trainers from around the World by working with dogs, wolves, and horses.

When I am not doing something for my business or animal life, I am basking in my passions for writing and adventure. I keep a few different blog pages on my personal website and write about anything I want to. Mostly interesting stories, to help people take the time for a moment out of their day to sit still and let go. With my personal blog, I encourage the act to always stay on top and keep their head up. I show people what its like to have their imagination and passion back. To create the thing they’ve always wanted and live a life of their said reality. I do this by bringing awareness through my writing, examples, and intellectual approaches; as well as fun and easy-to-read articles that grab the attention of both wild teenager and aging senior citizen. My writing is real and unleashed from the common barracks of societal rules. I keep a music podcast and blog with special guests, ideas, and of course, the music itself. I strive to bring meaningful music of all and any genres out there who lives to speak of real things, real times, and real ideas.

I am respected and successful because of the confidence I hold in myself and my perception. I am a real woman who lives life, truly by the fullest of her passion. I am surrounded by love in many, various aspects. I keep close bonds with friends and family and often have events held at my house for holidays and social get-together’s. I hold my clients confidential, but through my clients, work as a connector to build upon the democracy and community lives, for the better. ¬†I am a reputable contributor to making communities and businesses better for the economy, wellness, and safety of our neighbors, through a free-person-welcomed City Counsel of Salt Lake. With our team full of ideas and sifting out the good ideas from the bad, we are able to create non-biased and fact-full articles about the community and for the community and create change through individual awareness and action. I am one small voice that’s connected with the one large voice our county carries, who shares the credit of creating a truly remarkable way of living by combining ideas from the past, present, and future. We are noticed. And we are heard of. Together, we grow as a community, a state, and a nation. Our nation is coming back on top and gaining their United independence Rights back. People around the World are speaking up, creating, idolizing their lives to fit their happiness and safety priorities. War is down, although bickering remains content. We are in a time of change where the World is (slowly but surely) realizing working together in best frenemy-styled fashion, is going to give them the greater gain.

 

I am living the best life I have dreamed of all this and more. And I owe it all to the faculty and staff of the Utah College of Massage Therapy.

Rebirth

I have been having a big problem with writer’s block for the past while, especially when it comes to putting material up here on planetzynnia.com.

A lot of the times, when I am out and about in the city or on my bike or just lounging around the house, I think of articles to write, ideas flourishing in my head! I would tell myself, “I’m goin to remember this and jump on the computer when I get home and write this down!” And then I got home and…..¬†nothing.

Sometimes, by the time I even got home, I couldn’t remember anything I had thought of that day. I can’t even begin to imagine all the ideas, stories, and words I have wanted to spill out on here – only to be disappointed by my own self.

After all, we are our own best sabotage.

Sometimes, I just allow my lazy tendencies to get in the way.
Sometimes, I worry more about the material on my website. I think to myself constantly, “Can I put that on my site? Can I expand on the topic enough to make an interesting read? If I swear, will I want to look forward to hearing it ruthlessly from my family because of it? Can I do this? Should I do that? What? Why? How?”

Question, question, question, question, question, question, question, question!
And no god damn answers!

I was driving home this past Saturday night from a two-day trip to Grand Junction, Colorado. I’ve come to not mind the four hour drive so much, because it’s a great time to mull over the thoughts spinning around in my head. I can shamelessly talk aloud to myself and give myself the time and patience to make sense of it all. One of the topics I had talked my own ear off about, is this topic today: the content here on planetzynnia.com.

I had to ask myself why I started the website in the first place. And this is what I came up with:

 

For the past nine years, I have faithfully kept a detailed journal of my life. Everyday, I would take time to write in my books. At any given point, someone could find me pulling it out of my bag, regardless of where I was – if I had to write, I had to write. Location was never a top concern. The older I got, the more friends and strangers started to notice. “Ashlyn and her diary..” people would say. “What do you write in there all the time?” people would ask.
Periodically, I would let trusted friends flip through my old diaries and allow them to really get a taste of my head. Why I think the way I think. That’s when I got the idea to write a memoir. And then I opened up my first livejournal account. And then, I expressed the idea of my own website to my former boyfriend who surprised me with the birth of this website back in 2011. I truly owe this all to him.

For the first while, getting subscribers weren’t my main concern. I never truly thought anyone would even find my website; let alone read my blogs. It continues to touch me and warm my heart with every recognition I get from the comments (the ones that don’t generate a thousand spam comments that is)

This website is still a baby in essence. Which means, I still have the choice to decide what type of website this is. Do I want it to be based on one category? A self-development blog? Animal blog? Massage Therapy blog? Beauty blog? Stories? – This “blog type” was half the battle!

It wasn’t until my drive home this past Saturday night, I realized, I am one of a kind. My thoughts are unique, my person is original, my life experiences are truly diverse and interesting all in their own. When you go onto Planetzynnia.com, you never really know what you’ll read that day and that’s the beauty behind it. It’s what sets me apart from others, it’s what wakes me up in the morning and feeds my passion. Being different and being unafraid is what I want to show the World.

I want to demolish stereotypical expectations. I want to bring people together through words, pictures, and a good story. I want to encourage those who can relate to the trials I have been through. I want to give the faith back to people who may be questioning their path or life-long desires. That’s who I am.

I am an Earth Peacemaker. I am a Fire Wizard. I am a Water Philosopher.

I am Ashlyn Zynnia Campbell.

And this is the re-birth, of Planetzynnia,com.

 

Welcome friends.

photo credit: Dylan Guest Art

My spill.

 

In the last couple weeks, I have fully mended the outer personality of myself that others have long known and the inner alter-ego I have inside of me. Everyone, I believe, has one. We have all been raised a certain way, are familiar with a certain lifestyle, but there is something inside of us that is a completely opposite person. No, I’m not talking about split personalities here. I am talking about our yang. Someone we have always wanted to be, but are maybe scared to start being that person, worried that it’s too much of a change from who we have always been. I have always been a slacker. I have always been the class clown, the dumb brunette, the loud mouth who says foolish things. I have never been the one boys flock to, for the reasons worth flocking. I have never been the leader. In the past couple years, I have so desperately wanted to be the tall, happy, confident, definite person. I just couldn’t break the habit of breaking the rules and the law all the time. I was in such a habit ¬†of it, I didn’t even have to try. It just came natural. I hated this. But I tried to change so dramatically, too fast. I became one person around my family and another around my friends. I lied to people, because I guess, in truth, I had completely lost touch with myself. I couldn’t give someone an accurate description of me, because I didn’t ¬†know who I was anymore. I did things I never wanted to do. Hurt people I never intended on hurting.

 

One great thing about being in China, is that I have absolutely no physical connection with anyone. I am grateful for that. I needed this time to figure out who I really was. Do I like to party and drink? Or do I not? Do I like to sit home on the weekends sometimes and just finish reading a book? Do I like working out or like to be lazy? Do I love writing or can I put it off? Do I like to be defiant to make a point, or can I be happy obeying the law?
All these questions swarmed my head. There are some things I just couldn’t stop thinking about. Things I finally confronted to myself and why I did them.
Why I liked them. Why I despised the decision I made.

This is what I learned:

I learned that you can’t base your decision off other people’s opinions. No matter how much you love them and respect them. Ultimately, you have to do what you want to do or what is right for you. You don’t owe anybody around you any justification for your actions. You talked the talked and walked the walked. Whatever you do in a lifetime is done and whether people like it or not, that is their opinion and they do not own you.

I realized, “So what? I like to party. I like to have a drink once in a while. I love wine. I don’t think marijuana is a big deal. I love getting piercings and tattoos and spending money on jewelry and traveling. I love to dance, whether in front of people or alone. I will strive to have a job where I enjoy my time there. I don’t think I will ever have a desk job. I like waking up and deciding I want to leave for 3-10 days on a road trip with my friends, just to hangout with other friends in other states. My relationships are important to me, and I will be damned if having $100 in my bank account stops me from going anywhere.” I am an ambivert. Sometimes I like to be the life of the party. Sometimes, I have way too much to drink and I wobble when I walk. Sometimes I am the sober driver who takes one smell of liquor and gags. Sometimes I realize how ridiculous I must look when I wobble.

But I am young. I don’t need to have it all together right this second. I am 20 years old and I still have the choice to make small mistakes like waking up with a hangover on a Sunday afternoon or getting a tattoo I will have the joy in telling the story about for years to come. “Oh yeah, I met the singer of one of my favorite bands. He autographed my favorite freckle by my right breast and the next day after school I went and got it tattooed.” Yep, I am that girl. And I am proud to be that girl.

Sometimes I am a walking contradiction, like how this post must sound. I must sound like I really don’t have the grasp on life, but the truth is: I do. Maybe I don’t have a clue what life should look like in your eyes, or the President’s eyes, or even my own mother’s. But that’s the beauty of the mind. It’s your own. It develops and grows from the lessons you learn, the ideas you construct, and the experiences you endure. You get the free range of creativity that you want and your mind is the one place where you cannot hide from.

I like art, but I can barely draw a stick figure wearing clothes. I love cultures and languages, but can’t keep a conversation going in Spanish or Chinese. I love panini’s from Zupa’s and as much as I would love to make my own, I would rather spend the overpriced seven dollars and have them make it to perfection because they use the perfect about of pesto sauce in between the layers of bread. There are things in life where I am not trying to rush the beauty of. I will learn how to create pictures of art when I am ready. I think in pictures. ¬†I don’t know what it’s like to hear something and see WORDS in my head. I just never have. Everything in my head, I see very detailed and colorful, moving pictures. Like a movie. I suppose that’s why I have always loved writing. It’s the one place I have always been able to describe what I am thinking. I definitely consider myself a better writer than I am a thinker. I like to write and create pictures for other people to imagine, because for me, it’s natural. I love looking at my best friend’s paintings and writing about it. How she comes up with the pictures on a canvas is far beyond my comprehension. I can see it, smell it, feel it, and fully pretend it is on the paper in front of me, but when it comes time to bringing the picture to life, it shows up in words.

I am very different. I love spirits and ghosts. I love to have my palms read. I love to drink wine and watch movies on my couch. I like to have friends over for dinner, even though they never come. I like to listen to LDS Conferences, but have no desire to be apart of the religion. I like to meditate and have my thoughts to myself and then go out with 10 friends, dancing. I like to eat Big Macs or drink a Chai after a big workout, just because I can.

 

 

I am learning to live by my own¬†standards. I am mending my yin (Zynnia) and yang (Ashlyn) together. I feel powerful. I feel confident. I feel intelligent. I feel creative. I feel like a leader. I am in a constant state of eudemonia. I feel comfortable saying, “No” to something I don’t like. I feel comfortable giving my opinion. I feel better when I can make a decision quickly. I no longer like to procrastinate and be unprepared. Being late has become a new pet peeve of mine. I talk less, but say more important things. I am much more inquisitive and charming. I am less fearless. I am learning how to <a href=”http://planetzynnia.com/?p=183“>control my emotions</a> and take a stand for my actions and what I believe to be right.

China has been the self-discovering journey that I have longed for, for so long. I couldn’t be more thankful that I have the chance to be here and to be selfless and in turn, find out who I am. What I like. What I want. What I stand for. I think many people go through life, never being fully in touch with themselves. They go with the flow, go with the norm, swim with the rest of the fish in the sea. Ever since I was little, my mom has always said, “If we were all the same, we would be eating at Taco Bell.” I guess you could say, this phrase helped mold me. Or break the mold I was in.

 

It’s important sometimes to break rules. Sneak out. Keep a secret for yourself. Do something dangerous. If the sign says “No Trespassing” GO. Just once. Throw yourself out there. Say hi to a stranger. Go skinny dipping. Kiss a stranger in a different country. Skip church and sleep in the park, gazing at the clouds. Meditate for hours. INDULGE. Vent, scream, throw something if you have to. LET IT OUT! Cry. Give a bum some money. Tell a bum to work for it. Stay out past curfew. LIVE. Take a road trip just to eat at a¬†restaurant¬†in a different state. Tell your parents you believe something different. Cut off your locks just to grow it back out. Go out with no makeup on, if you dare. Get a Brazilian wax.

 

Find your real passion. Find your real you.
GO AGAINST THE GRAIN TO DO IT!
Make your own paradise and live in it. Respect yourself for making it. Depend on yourself for keeping it. And never, EVER, let anyone think they have the power to take it away from you.