Tag Archives: happiness


Dare I Say, I’ve had an epiphany!

I had a profound moment and it was jolting. I thought to where I could announce this ah-ha moment, if not to my journal, and it took me a fair minute to realize what I have sitting right in front of me the whole time.

As I was using the Earth’s force of gravity to pull myself into a self-unwinding session, I was paying close attention to the emotions and imagery going through my head swiftly and I quickly realized I had to start writing something down before I lost gold once again. That tends to happen.

A trusted Guide was instructing me to come to view each of my passions as hobbies or career choices. I have a weakness in my creative mind for wanting to turn everything into a business. Totally annoying, I am sure, but constantly inspiring nevertheless! As my heart ached, letting go of a dream to make a business out of one of my hobbies, I rejoiced in the fact knowing I can still do it and have fun; I just no longer need to stress myself out about whether or not I am making a successful choice for myself.

I am checking things off left and right, and I come to a sudden freeze when I get to Planet Zynnia. My blog. My sweet, sweet blog that my beloved friend surprised me with the domain so many years ago. He still supports me in this blogging journey and couldn’t have chosen a better domain. He’s fantastic. Y’all should check him out actually, at devannielsen.com

I love this blog. It’s my precious gem. My diamond in the ruff. A place where you can come to and read brutal honesty from different categories. Reading words from an Author who intentionally encourages you to get uncomfortable with your bubble and think outside the box, challenging beliefs and raising questions in and around awareness. It feels invigorating to come here and be blown away at some of these articles. Others are softer… kinder… a bit more gentle on the awakening process. That’s what my site is all about.


I intend to put everything out there with Love. I don’t have time to tear anybody down with hatred, insults, or crude notions. That is not me, nor why I’m here. I will however, cuss and have my moments of outrage of insincerities if I need to. I haven’t published anything this year, because I’ve been struggling with writer’s block as well as feeling the pressure to not publish anything that may capture the attention of my LDS family or anyone else for that matter who isn’t prepared to read my blog, as well as not feeling support from friends and my boyfriend when it comes to reading my blog and participating in the comments or discussions. I will say things a lot of people aren’t ready to hear. And that is something I have been fighting with for a while.

I’ve come to realize, it’s all a bunch of bullshit in the end and if it makes me happy, I need to be okay with publishing something that may offend somebody else. Because after all, if I write what everyone wants to hear, I may never be satisfied. But if I am writing what I want to share with everybody, I am always happy I put it out there. These roads will twist and turn, but it is to thine own self, we be true! (Shout out to Shakespeare)

So Hi again. I am sorry for being a hidden asshole.
What I want to know from all of you is: What is something you have always loved to do, but no longer make the time for? Does it overwhelm you just by thinking about it? What made you stop and do you ever intend to pick it back up again? & most importantly, what is your happiness level with/without this hobby?

I look forward to chatting with you in the comment section below!

Peace of I,

Another Historical Moment in the New Millennium

It’s no hidden fact, that since the beginning of our new millennium, we have made monumental moments in our history that have been captivating,

In 2001, the first iPod was introduced by Apple, Inc. and it was a month before that we had a terrorist attack on our nation and Historical Afghan cliff carvings of the Buddhas are blown up after the Taliban deems them idolatrous.
In 2002, Banksy smuggles one of his own works into Tate Britain: The nation’s favorite graffiti artist, Bansky, smuggles one his pieces into Tate Britain; earning himself a place in the art establishment
In 2004, Facebook was launched by Mark Zuckerberg
In 2005, YouTube was created and Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans
2006 brought us Planet Earth, The God Delusion, and our first E-Reader by Sony.
Paul McCartney proved anyone can be a record label, even Starbucks, when he signed in 2007.
The year of 2008 brought us our first black President of the United States
Pop Icon, Michael Jackson passed away in 2009.
NASA took its final mission in 2011.
We survived the apocalypse on December 21, 2012
The Selfie, The Belfie, “Bae”, Instagram, Snapchat, iPads, Facetime, Radio on the Go…….

Now, in 2015, we have yet again, made our mark in history as a wide clan of humanity. We have given evidence to show what it means to be united and stand together as one. Different parties have come together, different religions have come together, and different generations… have come together. We have the done the undoable and accomplished the accomplishable….

Supreme Court has ruled in favor of gay marriage in all 50 states. 

White House Turns to Rainbow
photo credit: Mladen Antonov

A display of the colors as shown: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.
That is seven colors that correlates not just the number, but the order, in which our Chakras run. (Root, Hara, Solar Plexus, Heart, Throat, Third Eye, Crown).

Coincidence? Nothing is coincidence.

The colors are based off the the order and creation of the natural phenomena, the rainbow. (Notice how “rainbow”, in itself, is seven letters long?) The rainbow appears after rainfall and is said to be God’s promise to mankind that he won’t ever again, flood the Earth. The rainbow is a sign of promise, peace, growth, love, opportunity, cherishment, and love. These seven colors literally, run from the shade before it into the shade following it. The red fades into orange, fades into yellow, fades into green; all the way until the indigo fades into violet (our crown chakra, that when opened, gives us ultimate, open communication with the Divine), shining so brightly, that as the violet sheds those sweet purple and lavender hues, they become filled more with pinks; bringing us back full circle to a bold and leading red.

7 Colors
7 Letters
7 Dominating Chakras through the center of our body.

There is no denying that the message of the rainbow has clearly been lost throughout society as we have grown in less than favorable ways throughout the centuries of occupying Mother Earth. But here it is, again, forcing us to open our ways. Forcing us to pay attention to the moral laws set forth by powers greater than we will ever know. We are made of the components that the message brings. We were made up of all the colors that run in and out of each other. One color is every color and no color is no such thing. It proves the connection among all living things.

The ruling came on June 26th, 2015 from a very close 5-4 ruling in the Supreme Court, denying every state the power to prohibit same sex couples seeking marriage. The moment the gavel came down in favor of the marriage rights, it was instantly legal; giving every gay man and lesbian woman the right to enjoy their marriage rights that every opposite-sex couple has enjoyed for thousands of years. Obama gives a pretty straight forward speech in this short video here.

Said President Obama on the night of the ruling, “This is a great step toward our March in equality.” And he couldn’t be more right. The Defense of Marriage Act was denied in 2013 by the Supreme Court, after millions of eager citizens were waiting to hear the news on what their future of freedom would hold for them. Millions of people have fought blood, sweat, and tears to make this moment happen. They have endured name calling, unlawful physical attacks, hate messages, judgements, disownment from families and friends, and even the development of fear. They have stayed true to themselves through the fire as they walked across the coals of other people’s wrath and envy. People are born with bravery. It’s a quality one develops.

Our country has much to learn about the concept of courage, bravery, and integrity. For so many years, people have taken it upon themselves to play God. They have taken ownership of the right to judge others, sentence others, condemn others; just because they believe in different views.

There are some things, I can only shake my head at, such as the outcries of our nation’s senators and political figures. Which is when I turn to the man who has taken my response to these people, right out of my mouth and in doing so, has allowed me to laugh with millions who also viewed this treat on Monday, June 29th.






Absolutely adorable is when kids are asked their views. Now, kids are literally a by-product of their parents and daily environment. They speak their mind because they are pure of heart. They see things a number of adults don’t see because they haven’t lost their depth of imagination. They understand things a number of adults do not, because they love wholeheartedly. So when asked what their opinion is of gay marriage, they said this.


This picture below, is what it looks like when the nonbelievers utilize the space in between their arms for accepting individual thought and lifestyle, instead of utilizing it to hold onto their pride.

The White House is blanketed in rainbow colors symbolizing
photo credit: Molly Riley


quote from Obama on Gay Marriage

Obama said the ruling was the “consequence of the countless small acts of courage of millions of people across decades who stood up, who came out, who talked to parents — parents who loved their children no matter what. Folks who were willing to endure bullying and taunts and stayed strong and came to believe in themselves and who they were, and slowly made an entire country realize that love is love.”


Gaining support in this triumph is ever growing. Even churches are beginning to recognize the strength and beauty in opening their minds to accept other beliefs as genuine individual thought. “If we were all the same, we’d all be eating at Taco Bell,” my mom always says. And she is right. How boring would that be if we all thought and lived and ate the same? Diversity is what America was made for. Against what Senator Ted Cruz thinks, it is exactly, what our founding fathers wanted for our country.

Pursuit of Happiness.

Money VS Meaning

Let me just give it you frank:

Being disrespected by an employer for the sake of receiving a paycheck, is comparable to staying in an abusive relationship out of the fear of being alone.

There comes a moment in everyone’s lives, when you have to put your foot down and say, “I am not okay with being treated like this!” followed by walking away from the situation. Carrying your dignity in one hand and self honor in the other.


I quit my job yesterday. What I did, was what I love. Working with animals is part of my purpose. It’s what makes me happy among the other passions in my life I hold. Who I did it for, was not what I loved. Allowing somebody to mistreat you is telling yourself that you deserve to be treated that way. Allowing somebody to call you names for no reason, insult your personality, and abuse your loyalty is telling yourself that you don’t matter.

Granted, even our dream job will haves waves of turmoil or frustrations through the moments of sunshine. Every job gives you an opportunity to ask yourself, “Is this turmoil worth it all?” If the answer is yes, congratulations! You’re right where you need to be in your journey. If the answer is no, you may want to start looking up new employment that will give you equal income sustainability, if not more; and shiploads more happiness.

It’s okay to stick up for yourself, no matter who it is speaking to you in a way that you don’t like. It’s okay to set boundaries of respect and tell your boss or owner of the company, “You know, that’s not okay with me. Please don’t speak to me in that way. That’s a line crosser for me” Warning once is good. It shows that you know where you stand with yourself and you are unafraid to stand your ground. Believe it or not, people in authority like this characteristics among their staff. It shows them that they have strong-willed staff. Some employers become threatened by a strong personality, and if that’s the case, what are you doing working for someone who isn’t secure within themselves? Respect by way of Fear is not how you and a team gain success. It’s not okay to deplete your own body to the point of exhaustion for someone else’s personal goals over your own. It’s not okay to diminish your own core morals and beliefs so someone else can rise and you stay in the same place, if you’re lucky. And it is not okay to be treated outside of being a human being by another, regardless of it being your boss; even if that boss is family.


Making an income is extremely important and most of the time, we have our best interest at heart when we say “I am going to work here until I can go to _______”. Well, now you’ve been in the same position for over five years and you work with people you dislike and your boss treats you like crud. And while you’re sitting in your workplace, working to live, daydreaming about what you could be doing for work, about what you want to invent, about what you truly would rather be doing right now. Feel your heartbeat. Notice your happiness levels? You can feel like that every single day and make your daydream a reality by working on it, one step at a time. Fifteen minutes go by, and your boss’ presence snaps you back into reality. You shake your head and tell yourself “I don’t even know why I’m bothering. But one day, I will get out of here.”
I just have one question for you.


EXACTLY WHEN, were you going to believe in your dream again?

That’s the issue we’re facing globally. Fighting about hierarchies of class, money, and power. Saying “I can’t do this because I don’t make enough. (even though I work over 60 hours a week, and that’s including overtime).” Telling yourself that it’s too risky to quit your job and get started on your dream. Reminding yourself of all the ways your dream will probably fail. And worst of all, listening to the people who don’t even believe in you!

Excuse my French, but what kind of crap is that? 

Every employer needs employees; that goes without saying. If you choose to settle for anything less than your dream, I hope to God that you’re at least passionate about what you do.

Take for example, The Office, on TV. They live, love, and fight like a family. They’ve all worked together for so long that they remain employed because it’s comfortable, regardless of their everyday surroundings. It pays the bills. It’s consistent. Plus, Michael Scott is a pretty hilarious boss, although entirely irresponsible and a possible reason for high blood pressure. But, how many of them do you see get excited when they tell the camera man that they’re going to probably work for Dunder Mifflin Paper Company forever? One. Dwight K. Schrute. He loves paper. He loves sales. Other than Schrute’s Family Beet Farm, he lives to sell paper to his clients. He does anything for his boss and for his company because his heart is in it. Everyone else will end up miserable, but Dwight has so much passion and purpose for the paper industry, that Jim’s pranks are nearly flies across the windshield to him. They won’t ever be a big enough to quit.

How many of you see yourselves as Toby’s? Your boss has a blatant distaste for you and makes sure you know that every single day. Your boss takes you for granted and harasses you, belittles you from clock in to clock out, and lives to embarrass you and give you a hard time. You do nothing on the outside. Your insides boil up with every glare and every comment. WHY ARE YOU STILL WORKING THERE? Do you really believe you have no other option? THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER OPTION.

How many of you are Angelia’s? You go to work everyday hating everybody you work with so much that you don’t care what you say to them. You’re rude and it doesn’t ruin your sleeping habits. You have a yearning to bond with the people of your workplace because they’re not your cats, but you’re just not willing to accept that other people believe in different things than you. At least cats can’t really disagree with you. Nobody cares to be around you, because your unpredictable moods have produced a warning sign across your forehead.

Whether you’re the person who is bullied at work, or you’re the person bullying; those are gianormous signs that you are not in the right place of employment. You can do so much better for yourself and you can make such a better impact on this World.

Nobody’s purpose is to develop depression, anxiety, and self-loathing by working for a person or a company that does not serve you respect or happiness. Whether you chase your dreams or settle, always know and believe that not one person in this World is meant to dread their work. 


  • What kind of attitude do you bring with you to work?
  • Does your attitude help you or hurt you on your journey to success?
  • Is your attitude and journey taking you to where you want to be?
  • Do you feel respected at your job?
  • Is where you are right now with your employment a job or a career?
  • If it’s a career, are you still passionate about it?
  • Have you established yourself among a healthy environment that pushes each other to be the best you can be?
  • If it’s a job, is it still giving you want you wanted?
  • Is it still a stepping stone towards your dream?
  • Have you been using your downtime to work on what it is you wish to create?
  • Why are you still waiting? Why are you still putting it off?
  • If you are miserable, how many times have you had the discussion with yourself?
  • If you’re miserable, why aren’t you doing anything about it? 


So get yourself one hell of a mattress, one hell of a work placement, and always bask in the moment. 

I wish you all, the utmost happiness in your lives.

Life As I Know It.

A calm life up in the mountainside is all I need to breathe easy. Serenity surrounding me as a sweet foundation to my ultimately up-and-on-the-go lifestyle. I spread the Word of Wellness around the World with business partners nationwide and internationally. I have an empire built on Massage Therapy/Skin Care  with clients who pay me by way of yearly contract only. I have small shops of different business ideas spread around the county. I spend my days massaging clients in a naturalistic setting and educating them about the importance of self-inspired health and a wellness lifestyle where freedom is infinite and happiness is abundant. My clients are dis-ease free and active. They are also turning 110 this year.

From the success of Phoenix Sun Massage, I have continued on to create a local Massage Supply store in a two-level building with a breakfast bar on the bottom, serving healthy breakfast and other food options with homemade ingredients that are fresh and sludge free. Serving the students and faculty of UCMT along with everyone welcome in Earth community. Ran by the top students of the school, to contribute to Work Study, because we all relate to the struggle of student financial life. Business is going great and our word of mouth advertising has brought us incredible, cultured, unique, and interesting individuals from all over the World. I am able to provide a comfortable employment for my employees. They are rewarded full medical and dental coverage through their schooling with discounts off store product, and an environment full of knowledge, respect, and teamwork to build a trusting foundation to last the days.

I work with the Utah Herding Breed Rescue and use my access of 7 acred-land to house foster dogs far enough into the East mountainside with the luxury of creating a backyard paradise of my custom design. By this time, I have made connections with animal societies and animal trainers from around the World by working with dogs, wolves, and horses.

When I am not doing something for my business or animal life, I am basking in my passions for writing and adventure. I keep a few different blog pages on my personal website and write about anything I want to. Mostly interesting stories, to help people take the time for a moment out of their day to sit still and let go. With my personal blog, I encourage the act to always stay on top and keep their head up. I show people what its like to have their imagination and passion back. To create the thing they’ve always wanted and live a life of their said reality. I do this by bringing awareness through my writing, examples, and intellectual approaches; as well as fun and easy-to-read articles that grab the attention of both wild teenager and aging senior citizen. My writing is real and unleashed from the common barracks of societal rules. I keep a music podcast and blog with special guests, ideas, and of course, the music itself. I strive to bring meaningful music of all and any genres out there who lives to speak of real things, real times, and real ideas.

I am respected and successful because of the confidence I hold in myself and my perception. I am a real woman who lives life, truly by the fullest of her passion. I am surrounded by love in many, various aspects. I keep close bonds with friends and family and often have events held at my house for holidays and social get-together’s. I hold my clients confidential, but through my clients, work as a connector to build upon the democracy and community lives, for the better.  I am a reputable contributor to making communities and businesses better for the economy, wellness, and safety of our neighbors, through a free-person-welcomed City Counsel of Salt Lake. With our team full of ideas and sifting out the good ideas from the bad, we are able to create non-biased and fact-full articles about the community and for the community and create change through individual awareness and action. I am one small voice that’s connected with the one large voice our county carries, who shares the credit of creating a truly remarkable way of living by combining ideas from the past, present, and future. We are noticed. And we are heard of. Together, we grow as a community, a state, and a nation. Our nation is coming back on top and gaining their United independence Rights back. People around the World are speaking up, creating, idolizing their lives to fit their happiness and safety priorities. War is down, although bickering remains content. We are in a time of change where the World is (slowly but surely) realizing working together in best frenemy-styled fashion, is going to give them the greater gain.


I am living the best life I have dreamed of all this and more. And I owe it all to the faculty and staff of the Utah College of Massage Therapy.


I’m having revelation after revelation it seems since starting my last term at school. The middle three and fourth terms you really do get burned out. At least for our criteria. We are the graduating class EM1012,

We are the fearless class who spoke up and spoke loud and have made an impact that will forever last on the school.

I think my problem is that I have just taken a fake effect on everything in life. For some reason, a visual part of my life just seems to have a weird effect in my life now. The past comes back. I notice it more when I’m high with Lion.  I feel bad when I get to that point where I usually spend that “high time” by myself. And we do everything together. We both miss our alone time, and it’s fair that we both get that. We are just people.

I don’t think I have daddy issues at all. In fact, I have seldom issues with my father. But I am the part of him that I enjoy the most. He is my total opposite, and yet one of my favorite like-people in this World.

I know the person who holds my demons. Who stole me of my innocence.

You hear all the time that nobody has fears. “Oh, I’ve seen everything!” they shout, “I have no fears! ! There is nothing to fear in this World because man can do everything. We are forces able to connect with any flowing thing..”, and though that may be true, we can’t do everything all of the time and take on a Superwoman act without rest, without time alone. Burnt out and stressed out. Overloaded and unhappy. Rage and Creepy auras. Vasodialation and heated up with blood flowing. Exchanging energy to sustain the goal in mind. Which is to write! Write however it comes out, because sometimes this feels so much better then crying. Sometimes I just don’t have it in me. I feel horrible because Lion always thinks it’s about him and like he is the only thing that makes me unhappy. But he really doesn’t know about any other of my other stresses. I mainly don’t tell him my stresses or bad news. I don’t want him to stress out about me. I stress him out enough. I feel like an ugly person. Inside and out, ironically! Hahahaha!  I have always wondered if that manifests itself into our literal shape. Mental issues taking a shape onto your body.

I am sitting in the bedroom while my babs is out on the couch. I feel like he thinks these are moments where he can’t do anything. And it sucks, because I don’t know how to show him that I don’t care what he does in his personal life without him thinking that I’m being cynical or cunty. Because, I have a sick tendency to be pretty cunty. I say all sorts of things with my imaginative mind. I just let it flow out, as if I’m opening my subconscious, Of course, I strive to open to my Pituitary Gland. I have been realizing what parts of me I have been neglecting, and the Pituitary Gland is the all mighty. The connection to Third Eye.

I feel like I can’t even control the eyes I have now. I have a problem looking in the center of everything. As I’m typing, I am actually focusing directly in front of me. I’m losing a bit of my sense of time although I still know what’s going on in my home. The computer with the music playing is slowing making its way towards me and the harmonies bear in the meditation.

Bathroom Break.

I can’t justify my personality flaws nor the flaws of other people. I can’t blame my mother or any other outside influence that has many any subconscious impact in my life. The bottom line is: it has.

Whether it was a good or bad experience, it has made an impression in my life. Whether I acknowledge it or not, these life influences sit at the foundation of every life choice I make. I could go on and on and dive into every specific issue and I could pour my heart to you openly. That might make me feel better, if we could get by with treating symptom issues.

I don’t like treating symptoms with my clients, so what makes me think I want to treat symptoms with myself? The goal here is to change the root cause!

What I have now is new-found reality. I will not confine myself to thinking errors such as “I am this way because,__________” because that’s juvenile. In the end, it’s our energetic force-field that has allowed for the influence and whatever influence has made its way, must have needed to get in for a reason. I myself have blossomed into a person unlike any other, which is a praise on its own, because that’s what we should do as humans! We have the opportunity, the encouragement above all to live our passions. Being ourselves is something not many people in this World know they can be, and yet, it’s our birth right. Stripped away from some of us at birth, from government, from abusive environments, from report cards, and societal failures. In reality, we are the only person able to stop us; if we allow someone else to do that job, we might as well already be half dead.

Influence. Impression. Impact.

So how do I, and other people in the same type of situation, deal with this?

We acknowledge it. We accept it. We change it.
But how do we change it?

By developing new thinking habits. It’s the one controllable change we have upon ourselves. We read and write all the time lists and explanations of ways to improve our happiness, our general emotional state, and our mental clarity. Be positive. Change your realm of people. Take a Me Day. Create a Gratitude Journal. Try this, try that, and let me tell you how to live a happier life in less than 100 ways.

That’s not reality though, because not everybody has the same motivation or change rate. Not everyone’s problems come from their friends or jobs. Not everyone wants to give up their inner circle in order to have a peace of mind. Not everybody has to write in a gratitude journal to make their prayers validated. Again, all that does is fix the symptoms. So when the unhappiness creeps back in, it’s back to the drawing board.

The only thing we need to do when it comes to looking for change is our thought process. It’s the one aspect that drives every action, every perceptional view, every choice and emotion and reason for what we do. If we don’t think we sit. Our brain doesn’t know what else to do other than go with the flow. By re-training our thought patterns, we can project a better outcome for ourselves.

I’m not a scientist or psychologist. I can’t tell you ways on how to change your thought process, because I don’t know where your issues stem from. I also don’t have all the time in the World to hear about them as much as you don’t have all the time in the World to talk about them. And that’s okay. It’s not inhumane of me to not want to hear about it. You don’t know me from Eve, so why should you bear your innermost problems to me by way of verbal information?

I am a Professional Massage Therapist. A holistic body worker and firm believer in the connection with our Physical and Energetic bodies. Everyday I get to work with someone new and help facilitate the healing process for them to get back to their optimal level of health, by bringing them back in alignment with the gravitational pull and balancing out the energies and emotions that are inside. I get to communicate with bodies everyday and learn something new from someone. It’s truly a blessing what I do and I hope to do it my entire life.

You can’t fix your physical problems without fixing your energetic problems and vice versa. You can’t recognize your issues and continue to write a rain check on them in the hopes you will still progress. And you wonder why you’re not changing….

For me, I change my thought process by forcing positive thoughts my way if in the event they are in deep hiding. I fake it to make it sometimes. I am only human and it’s impossible to be consistently happy all of the time. We need down sides to even us out. We need a flushing of emotions to keep us in check that, hey! We’re humans. It’s what we do.

By becoming better in touch with ourselves and who we are, we need to make that connection solid between heart and mind. We need to listen to our bodies when it tells us something. We need not to fight the releasement our bodies crave. Our bodies need the releasement and would fulfill it’s craving if we didn’t let our pride and mind control get in the way. We have a right to live free of dis-ease. We have a right to bury our burdens and set the grave on fire.


We have a right to shine and grow and fulfill our passionate destinies.

It’s our birthright, to burn like Wildfire.

It’s All About the Benjamins, Baby.

Money makes the world go round.
Money is in our daily lives, we spend it everyday, we worry about it, we celebrate it.

Everybody wants to make a lot of money.

But what happens when you realize money isn’t everything?

Freedom happens.
Worries lessen.
Relationships bond.

I currently work two jobs and go to school four nights a week.

My life consists of going to work at 6am and leaving there at 11am to commute to my second job. I stay there until six o’clock and immediately leave from there to go to school until 10:30 at night.

I ride my bike to trax and by the time I get home, unpack my day from my backpack, wash my face and shower and get in bed, it’s about… Midnight.

Sometimes I see my best friend after school and when that happens I don’t get to sleep until one in the morning.

That gives me three hours and fifteen minutes of sleep before I wake up at 4:15am and do it all over again.

I’m drained.

I have no more free time to myself. I’ve been stuck on a book for two weeks too long and I am having more troubles posting blogs. I’m constantly moving in the city or catching up on sleep.

All I have been able to think about is money. I need this job for my sanity, I need that job to get paid. I need money for the show, I need money to buy winter gear, I need money, money, money, money, money, money, money.

But I have to ask myself daily, “Is me getting paid worth it if I am just losing it?”
probably not.

So today, I quit my second job. I have replaced beautiful and sunny afternoons filled with friends, coffee, books, bike rides, and laughter – for an afternoon of hot, suffocating sun blaring straight in my line of sight with three managers who pick on me, treat me like a slave, and threaten my job because I feel the need to see a doctor. I have negativity talking passed me as they walk by. It’s something I don’t have the tolerance to surround myself with.

Sometimes, making a lot of money isn’t worth it if you lose yourself in the process.

Today, I have a piece of my happiness back. I have a piece of my freedom. I have my hobbies, my interests, and my passions to indulge in. I have more time to clean, think, laugh, joke, and be myself. I have more time to discover who I am and the path I lead. I have more time for homework and shopping and cooking with my best friend.

Today, I get my life back. Because I know money can’t tie me down. Money isn’t bribe-worthy in this case. Money doesn’t own me.



Are you stuck in a rut? Are you unsatisfied with the way your job or career is going? Are you telling yourself it needs to change? How long will you wait before you do it? 

If what you have, isn’t making you happy, I encourage you to use this moment NOW to make your dreams a reality.

Klony Island

I feel high, higher than I have ever felt in my whole two months of being here.
Don’t make me take my one last puff or make me hit my last blunt.
Smoking is the one thing that connects me to the grounds and nature.
Don’t take that sort of life from me, don’t make me be one of you.
I will take my cigarette, I will take the time I need to escape.
Have a piece of my own sanity.
Don’t huddle over my shoulder.
I have found my way, to get high, to escape.
To find my peace, to hangout with my peace.
Don’t interrupt me in my trance.
I’m so far gone, you might not reach me.

Coming back to Klony Island is always a treat.
The skies are blue and in great weather and the greens are all luscious.
All the noises are blasted, but nothing is more harmonic and rhythmic than those noises.
My body within ten minutes becomes high, like a feather on a duck.
Just flowing in the wind by a creature. Not going anywhere particular.
Just for freedom.
To dip my wings in something magical.
The voices of many languages are almost becoming so familiar, I can understand them better.
The sound of a dying language consumes my thought as I think, “could these be one of them?”
Of course not.

Klony Island does not become extinct, nor will anything in it.
Klony Island is a place where passions live forever.
Legends make legacies.
Klony Island is a place of peace, contentment, freedom, and liberty.
You are who you are. And nobody cares.
You are what makes it special.
You are what makes it unforgettable.

Emotions on an Average Day

Generally, when we speak to somebody, one of the first questions we ask them is, “How are you, today?”
With which, they generally reply, “I’m good. How are you?”

But the truth is, we’re not always good. That doesn’t necessarily mean we are sad or troubled if we’re not just “good”, but we have developed such a habit to giving such a mundane answer. We have personally taken it upon ourselves to see the five main emotions a human holds: Sad, Happy, Angry, Depressed, and Confused.

What the majority of us do not realize, is how many emotions we go through, on average per day.

For the last thirty days, I did a very personal challenge, of which nobody knew. Throughout the day, I kept a small diary and would list down a new emotion every time I felt it rise. At the end of the day when I looked over the different words that filled my pages, I even surprised myself. How could I feel so happy and ecstatic, but then sink down to reluctance and hatred? How could I feel misunderstanding yet just after, feel enlightened? Lazy and motivated in the same day?

I never realized how quick emotions can change and how fast we can change them. The great part was, the more I was noticing myself rising with dark emotions such as hatred, jealousy, anger, contempt, and even the word murderous got written down; I was able to control it more. Throughout the days of completing this challenge, I have noticed a more calm sense in my attitude and actions. I am not so outrageous anymore. I am not so foolish in my words. I no longer feel obnoxious or embarrassed. I feel more confident and powerful than I ever have – because I do have the power to control my emotions.

That’s the problem we have. We don’t confront our emotions and then find solutions to them. Some of us have simply become so unaware of them, we ignore them and pretend we aren’t really feeling that way. That is the wrong thing to do if you ever want to be happy. It’s like ignoring a problem you have. The more you ignore it, the more life you are giving it. It comes to control you, eventually, and will stop at nothing until you surrender. Repressing emotions is not only unhealthy, but can drive you absolutely bonkers during the battle.


I’m here to tell you, you have a choice.

We are all capable of being happy. That is one of the main things I have learned in the last thirty days. I was definitely one of the people who let stress eat them alive. I emotionally ate. I replaced a bad thought with one very hopeful one, crossing my fingers that the latter would put me in a state in belief. That everything would be magically alright. I have not only noticed how many feelings I get a day (or an hour for that matter), but I have seen through experience now, how powerful we are to create the world we live in.

I have tried to read The Secret twice. I couldn’t ever finish it. I guess it just wasn’t enough to draw me in. However, one great thing I took from the book is the quote, “If you can believe it, you can achieve it.” Despite knowing what the obvious message was, I never fully put it to practice. I couldn’t understand. I thought, “So, what? If I just say I want something, it will come? If I say I will be on time, will I?” I expected it to be much easier than I thought. During this challenge, on Day #6, I was in a very low state of mind. As I was laying in my bed, having a pity party, I stopped in mid-thought.
“Why am I doing this to myself? What is sitting here going to solve, versus actually solving it? I can’t keep doing this. I will have the worst time if I keep up this act.” Right then and there I thought, “This will be life-changing experience. I am good enough to teach. I am good enough to fit in. I am smart enough to learn. I am helpful enough to be listened to. I am important.”

After that, at the beginning of every day, I said to myself, “Today will be great. Today, I will learn new ways to teach. Today, I will have patience. Lunch will be great. Today, the energy will be powerful and exciting.” I would say a quick prayer and run out the door.
Every day since then, the days have become progressively better, warmer, and more enlightening then anything else. I understand now, what was meant in The Secret when they tell you, “If you can believe it, you can achieve it.” Because I do believe it. I have been achieving it and will continue to.

The more you can control your emotions and accept them for what they are, I guarantee the happier you will become. You will find the yang to your yin. You will smile with peace at your inner chi. You will have the confidence and new-found ability to do things, you never thought you could.

So start today. Take control of your life. Make it what you want.

Great Autumn Day.

Current Location:

You know when you have one of those days where everything is just perfect for you? (Or as close as perfect can get)

I have had that kind of day. First of all, nothing makes me a happier girl than when I wake up in my cabana with the moist, fresh, crisp autumn air greeting me with the crickets rubbing their wings together and the sun just barely gleaming out of the clouds. The kind of weather that looks cold, but is just warm enough to still wear shorts. I turned over to see the face of my adorable boyfriend, with his arm wrapped around me. He looks so adorable in my girlish bed, it never ceases to make me giggle seeing such a manly man in such a girly atmosphere. Poor boy. He must like me 😛

I got my dream job, working at Victoria’s Secret. It may sound silly, but I have wanted to be a part of the angel team for as long as I can remember, before my obsession with Playboy came about. But anyway, that will be a discussion for a different day. Anyway, we did a lot of hands on training at the store today, which is the #1 store in our entire region. It makes me feel extremely proud to work for such a great company, and I am hoping to stay with them for a long while. I made a friend there who is much different than I am. Jessica is going the LDS Business College and loves BYU. Now, I grew up with more Mormon people and turned out the exact opposite. I experimented, swore, snuck out, and broke every rule I could think of. Yet, when I am around all the LDS friends of mine, I feel so wonderful 🙂 She is such a great girl and means well. She is new to Utah, and it inspired me to be a good friend to her, and show her a genuinely good time in Utah. Since I am doing this whole “Bad Girl Gone Good” transformation, I know I needed to decide who in my life in poison, tolerable, and good for me. So far, I have done semi well.

So, back on subject – waking up to a perfect morning? Check. Go to Dream Job? Check. Make a new friend? Check.

After work, I grabbed my bike just in time for a 7 minute thunderstorm to sweep into the downtown area of Salt Lake. Picking up leaves and papers and bending the trees at just the right amount of angle to worry someone of a tornado. It was pouring rain! And I love that. I used to be terrified of thunderstorms. When they would come, I would run to my bedroom and jump in my bed and pull the covers all the way over me. The breaking of the clouds sent my heart pounding and seeing the lightening frightened me more than the sound of a chainsaw at the Haunted Mazes during Halloween. Once I got over that fear, I played in the rain, slept soundly during a thunderstorm and will now even sit outside and just watch in awe as the natural wonders of the world take place. I watched the thunderstorm today through the glass doors of a corridor, waiting for my amazing friend, Allison to pick me up in her truck. Our stomach’s were demanding we let it feed on Paradise Bakery.

So that’s three other great things! -> Thunderstorm? Check. Seeing good friends? Check. Panini’s and soup? CHECK, CHECK.

I got to ride my bike all around the city today and for anyone who knows anything about me, knows how much I love being on my Trek. The feeling of being on a bike is so free and invigorating. Since the thunderstorm was rather short, the smell of rain filled my nose as I aimlessly rode back down to and around my work, up to the busy streets and would have stopped at my gym to lay in the tanning bed, but forgot my goggles. It’s okay though, skin cancer wasn’t on my To-Do List today anyhow.

I took a great nap with Devan and his greatly big, beating heart offered to drive me and pick me up from my best friend’s birthday dinner tonight. She is 21 today. *HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHALY! I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!* I had such a good time tonight at Winger’s sitting with her, her son (and my Godchild) Damian, her boyfriend Luke, and his friend Dylan. We talked about hilarious experiences and I filmed Damian taking off his baby wife beater and playing peek-a-boo; his new favorite game. I don’t get to see them all as much as I would like, if it were up to me, I would be living in the same house as them. Every year, I know if we don’t get to see each other, I can at least count on her birthday – NO EXCUSES – for us to have our time. She is one of those friends that no matter how much you talk or physically interact, things are right where they should be. Being there in her presence tonight, made me feel at peace.

So, in conclusion with my story: free bike riding? Check. Nap? Check. Best friend and Godchild time? Check.


I’m not saying I have a perfectly happy life. Just like other people, I have worries and stresses and sometimes I feel like my world is about to spin out of control, but it’s days like these where I stop and smile. I tell myself everything will be okay. I remind myself of how many good things I have and how grateful I am to have such a wonderful surrounding of energy comparable to the Sun that controls our very solar system. It’s easy to forget how much we take for granted. Maybe we don’t have the job we want, or maybe our siblings play the “Why?” game too much or embarrass us when we’re with our friends. Maybe you live paycheck to paycheck and are in debt, spending money faster than you can make it. Whatever the case may be, you’re alive. Be thankful for that. Be thankful you have a place to sleep at night and a computer or some kind of internet to read this on right now. Despite all the unfortunate things that may occur in our lifetime to us, these are the days that will mean the most when you’re gone. Not making a million dollars in a year or how many nice pairs of True Religions you own. Nobody will care about that when you’re dead, unless you are Valentino. Then people may care… but until then, stop and smell the fresh air. Smile, because today is a new day to do great things. It is never too late to soak up the goodness.

Pursuit of Happiness

Current Location: My carpeted corner
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: Kid Cudi – Man on the Moon

People tell me all the time that I shouldn’t be such a good person. When i think about it, I cant help but wonder, is it the fact that I’m always cheerful and positive that irritate people? Or is it their own insecurities because they don’t trust or care for anyone unless a stranger gives them a reason to?

“Nobody would be there for you. And if it was really about trust, they wouldn’t run away from you when things got tough. People don’t give a shit about you in this lifetime. They are always looking out for only themselves. So why bother looking out for them? You need to always put yourself first and be selfish. That’s why I don’t give a fuck. I don’t care who I hurt, I do what I want to do, when I want to do it.”
That is the best advice you have to give me? I can’t ever help but shake my head in silence.

It’s conversations like these where you have to be patient. People aren’t hard to read at all. You hear people always saying, “I can read people.” or “Trust me, I know people.” or “I can sense vibes.” The truth is, every human can do it. Congratulations, it’s called being mindful and paying attention to your surroundings. So you wonder why you think like that? You don’t let yourself be happy. And you question my smile? Everywhere I go, people smile and wave at me. Strangers come and talk to me all the time. I have an approachable face and a warm energy (so I’m told). People tell me I am their favorite because I listen and I care. I give a shit. People call me with their accomplishments and complaints. I am the person my friends vent to. I am the friend who is friends with everyone. I don’t see labels and for God’s sake, I see animals as people! I see people everyday try so hard to be a good person for selfish reasons, and they wonder why their world is constantly falling apart. It’s not good to start a charity foundation just so you can get recognition and have more opportunities to get free stuff, sorry Tony, but it doesn’t work like that. You can’t use people for years on end for money and expecting your stick thin, good looks to get you by Chelsea. It doesn’t work like that.

Henry David Thoreau once said, “If misery loves company, misery has company enough.” Why do I have to be put down for my happiness? Is that even fucking real? Who tells people, “You’re too fuckin happy, man. You gotta frown and push people around every once in a while?” WHY WOULD THAT INTEREST ME?!
If this about me being naive and blinded by ignorance, I will be fine settling with that fact. I would rather be ignorant than arrogant any day. So what if I give homeless people money and hold open doors for a swarm of 12 people? Who is going to object me picking up the trash that four drunk people just dropped walking up ahead of me? Why should I be judged for helping a random person at the park find their lost kid or giving a girl my one good pair of tennis shoes so she can enjoy a concert? Because let’s face it. I have five other pairs at home and she lives two hours south of the city.

I do the things I do because it helps me be happy. It gives me a sense of fulfillment to make someone’s day or help someone out. Call me crazy and call me stupid. Call me anything you want. Continue your selfish ways and do whatever you think will make you happier. I’m not going to question your reasons of your actions. We are given the opportunity to make decisions for ourselves and there is no right or wrong answer. It’s your own road to happiness. I don’t understand why people just don’t give others the benefit of the doubt. Why do strangers deserve spit and anger? Since when did “fending for ourselves” solve anything?

I’ll tell you what….. You follow find your happiness and I will find mine.