Tag Archives: challenge

Deep Breathing Challenge – Day #30

I didn’t give an update for my last two weeks, because I didn’t really have one. I have noticed a lot in my first two weeks of this challenge and there are also some realizations I have accepted through the process. It’s been a deep growth period for me and one I have truly enjoyed to the fullest.

I no longer get lightheaded,

when I deep breathe for yoga or meditation. Now that my body is used to spending, roughly half, of the time deep breathing naturally, it is better able to accommodate those activities where deep breathing is involved.


 

I can run farther, faster.

My strides are long as if I’m seven inches taller. My body takes off and flies through the scenery. Coming from a hometown in high altitude and thin air, it was already one thing to experience such thickness in the air here; being so close to sea level. Deep breathing has given me back my power to match my breathing to the environment. I used to compensate my breathing when I ran here, unsure of how exactly to measure my breaths. Sometimes I would breathe a lot of faster and sometimes just a little too shallow. I now understand the rhythm and flow to serve my body the best functioning for runs, jogs, and now… hikes!


I’ve stopped craving junk food as often.  

It was cookies every single night, chocolate of some sort every day, skipping meals and craving chocolate of any kind. Milk, carbs for all three meals, late night snacks, decrease in activity. The sluggish feeling became overwhelming. The clear thinking I have had from deeply breathing has not only filtered out unnecessary thoughts and slowed down my pace of speech, but it has given me clear and concise communication with the part of my brain that tells me when I am hungry and/or thirsty and what nutrients I actually need to fuel my body. I am listening intently as I gather what I need. The bag of Cadbury eggs in my fridge are not being touched [as often] as I thought they would be. They may just last until Winter…. don’t worry about the amount I bought. That’s not of importance. Fruits and veggies and water are once again, the biggest part of my diet. I crave cherries like I craved cookies. My breaths allow me to really feel my lungs expand and my heart beat at an appropriate rate. I feel the beating getting stronger everyday. My own heart is regaining it’s strength due to my breaths lengthening, inhibiting my mind to decide accurately what it is I need to put in my body to make this function last.


 

I have learned and accepted, that I can’t breathe deeply every single breath of every single moment of every day, but I can come back to deep breathing when I have stopped doing whatever it is that takes the focus of mind.

Such as conversations, being in the moment with friends, laughing, watching suspenseful movies, and even sleeping. Educating clients, reading a book. There are some things I do, where I just don’t think about my breathing. Although my breathing is no longer shallow like it used to naturally be, it is not as naturally deep as I had hoped. Although, can every breath be naturally so deep, comparable to meditation? Would we then be focused so hard on breathing that we actually get pulled away from being in the moment? That aspect was never my goal. Although, because I have spent every possible moment in these last thirty days, giving attention to my breath, I have learned that I am now spending half my time awake giving an in depth rise and fall of my rib cage, full expansion to my diaphragm, and a piece of mind to my body. I am less toxic on a cellular level, which in turn frees my mind, endocrine system, and skin of toxicity.

When I am engaged in something active, whether it be a soccer game, conversing with workmates and friends, indulged in books and movies, or exercising, although my breath is not actively opening up as when I am focused, it is opening much, much more, than it used to. My natural breath is now three times deeper than it used to be. I am calmer as a person in all aspects of my life. I am more confident without having nonsensical anxiety and worrisome thoughts. I take the time in all I do. I no longer rush my days. I no longer stir my brew of self-sabotage mixed with ingredients of time, fear, attention, and perfection.

 

This challenge has been one to remember forever. It has undoubtedly, answered the questions I could never have answered for me. It has forced me to look within not with shame, but acceptance and patience. It has allowed me to conquer aspects of myself I feared I would never be able to do. It has taught me that nothing about ourselves is permanent and we can improve our spirits in anyway we seem fit; all we have to do is commit.

I am twenty four mortal years old and am learning things I have not learned in all the others years my soul has walked this Earth. It’s humbling, it’s enlightening, and it’s moving. Thank you for allowing me to share this 30 day challenge experience with you. As always, I encourage you to venture on a 30 day challenge of your own! Big or small, physical, emotional, spiritual, or mental – challenging ourselves and pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone is one of the best experiences we can give ourselves. We thrive, we grow, and even surprise ourselves along the way.

We are all strong and wonderful.
Challenge yourself, today.

Deep Breathing Challenge, Day #14

It is Day 14 now: 

I am two weeks into my commitment to deep breathing for thirty full days. As you know, I took on this challenge to see if anything would positively impact my way of life. So far, I have yawned a whole bunch, my chronic hiccups have diminished, my Intercostals have been working out the knots in the muscles on their own, I have successfully gained control of my vocal pace, volume, thought output, and I have sweat a whole ton of toxins out of my body.

1. Sleeping

I would be lying if I said that I was good enough to consciously deep breathe while sleeping, and because I am already a vivid, tuned in, and lucid dreamer; I can’t really say that I am taking up awareness to my breathing depending on what I am dreaming about. I still twitch and move in my sleep, as well as make some weird faces. Sometimes I still wake up in a pool of sweat or my beau will hear me moaning and groaning like I’m having a deep conversation in my dreaming world, but what I have noticed about sleeping from my deep breathing is the length of time it takes me to go to sleep. It doesn’t take long. I have slept deep and thorough. Sometimes, too thorough to the point where I could and would spend all day sleeping if I didn’t have to get up for work and let me tell you, it feels soooo good when I wake up! Last night, I fell asleep watching a movie with Danny and woke up at 10:30pm telling him I was just preparing to take Zai out and feed her breakfast before I get ready for work. Realizing what time it really was, I was elated knowing that a) it was still nighttime and b) I could go back to sleep and finish enjoying the dream I had woken up from. The two hours I had slept had given me such deep and purified energy that I was ready for the day to begin, BEFORE IT EVEN HIT MIDNIGHT!! Everytime I fall asleep, I sleep deep. That’s not unusual for me. But the length of time it usually takes for me to fall asleep is almost an hour, if not more than that.

I have a weakness for insomnia. And when I am deep breathing all evening and after mindfully chewing my food and mindfully taking my dog out for her nighttime potty, I get to mindfully lay in bed and put my waking day to rest for seven hours of restful sleep.

2. Calm, Cool, and Collected

Now, before I get started – this isn’t to say that I don’t ever get mad about something I feel is an important conversation. Last Tuesday night, I lost my cool, completely. I was very passionate about my side of opinion on a touchy subject. I defended my end with no apologies. I cried a lot, and it took a couple days of almost complete silence, zero appetite for food, and no physical touching, for me to decide where exactly it was that I fit in this whole scheme of things. That being said, I unleashed every dark side of me. I had a “now or never” moment and knew that it was either then I would forgive every piece of my past, every mental and emotional fear I have, and everything I’ve ever held in; or I would sit with it forever, allowing the person I loved the most to never get a genuine chance to see why I lived the way I did and why certain things affect me as they do. The scariest part of being with someone is showing them every beautiful, whimsical, terrifying, ugly, wonderful, brave, and courageous piece of you.

Deep breathing has given me a chance prior and post that experience, to remain so calm, that Danny has asked me multiple times, if I am okay. Since I’m not talking fast and I’m not speaking loudly, and I’m not talking about every tiny insignificant detail on my mind, I am sitting with my thoughts (which, deep breath after another, seem to be little thanks to the natural filtering process my instincts have taken on). When I speak, it’s with the intention to have conversation or to communicate with meaning; instead of talking to hear the sound of my voice.

Being calm has given me a better understanding on the World and myself. Things that make shake my head that I have done in the past and hopeful reactions I will have in the future. My eyes have been opened to something so special. My life has been so full of loud noises, chaotic moments, for so long and it hasn’t been until these last 4 years of awakening and learning zen, peace, and meditation, that I have really honed myself in myself. 

Utilizing my newfound state of my mind, I am appreciating the observant side in myself. Talking less has given me the peace to be quiet. It has given me the respect and appreciation of what it means to be quiet. Not having an opinion on every bit of thing is freeing! I never knew it could be that way. Not sharing my experiences or memories when someone is trying to genuinely share something great about their lives is joyful and exciting and an eye opener. Realizing how rude I’ve probably been for so long. It’s enlightening and a beautiful change to accept from within. To listen is a beautiful gift. I don’t just know this now, but I truly appreciate this now. 
I hope you all have enjoyed my update for this week. Peace be with all of you!

Deep Breath In, Deep Breath Out

This past Friday evening, Danny and I came home to a record high, 88 degrees in our house. With humidity; that’s comparable to a sauna. We couldn’t escape the heat and only two windows in our apartment (out of six) open up. We decided it’s time. The air conditioner from the attic got brought down and set up in the living room. We couldn’t seem to get it filtering through the house fast enough for us to cool down. He took a cold shower and I took many deep breaths (as I normally do in the saunas and steam rooms to deal with the overwhelming heat and sweat factors).

After moving our mattress into the living room, we finally got a place of peace. Cool air and one super happy dog. Since we haven’t yet got a couch, we figured, why the hell not? I will tell you, it’s like living in a studio and I love the daily adventures Danny and I have together in this apartment. This being the newest one, inspired me on a new 30 Day Challenge.


Last night,  we were laughing and exhausted after dinner and cleaning up. We had some time to kill after we used the rest of our data to watch Orange Is the New Black: Season 3. That was when I suggested we geek out together: massage therapy style. I was so excited, I jumped to the bookshelf and grabbed my anatomy book and started flipping through it.

“Name me all the Deep Hip Rotators from Superior to Inferior!” I said, and when he would get stuck, we would go through the analogies together. “Go Go P Quick! What’s it stand for?!” and there was “Name me Two Majors & A Miss!” “Where is it at?!” “YEAH!!!”

SO MUCH FUN! Geeking out with your boyfriend when you both know what you’re talking about, is about as fun as going to an amusement park with no lines for the rides; in my opinion. We went on like that for about an hour and laughing so hard.


He started talking to me about yawning and deep breathing versus shallow breathing. I was intrigued about everything he had to say about the topic and realized, other than in meditation, when do people breathe deeply? And if we made a conscious effort to deep breathe every waking moment, what kinds of positive changes would we manifest in our reality? Would it change anything at all?

“I’m going to find out..” I said, “I am going to do a 30 day challenge and I’m going to breathe deeply for thirty days, as consciously as possible no matter what it is I’m doing and I am going to see how it affects my life in any area.”


So here we are, Day #1:

So far, the only thing I have noticed is that I am yawning a ton. When you go from shallow breathing, to deep breathing, you are in-taking more air than is recognizable for your body to sort through. There is so much oxygen to process it becomes overwhelming to the vessel and results in a yawn. This is why, when most of us do yoga or meditations, we feel ourselves yawning when we are breathing and becoming fully aware of our body.

Lots and lots of yawns.

I will admit it is a challenge to keep mindful of deep breaths during talking, walking, cooking, driving, or singing….. things we literally never think about breathing with. Sometimes I will forget and catch myself moments later suddenly wondering, “Oh wow, have I even been breathing this whole time?” and quickly realizing, it’s a learning system. I am essentially teaching an old dog new tricks. Redesigning my lungs, their capacity, and my diaphragm.

Can these get sore, like working out makes our other muscles sore? Hmm… food for thought.

Until the next update, I’m Zynnia. And I hope you all have a great day! 🙂

Lent It Out.

 

 


 

For those of you who don’t know what Ash Wednesday is. It’s the first day of Lent. Lent is known in the Western Christianity communities as a ritual of fasting for 46 days. That is forty days of fasting, if the 6 Sundays (which are not days of fast) are excluded.
Traditionally, it’s a fasting of meat.
As culture has expanded and grown it’s become an acceptable place in Lent to confess the weakness of temptations you’ve been having regarding a certain habit, weakness, or judgement you’ve held on to and can’t seem to get control over.
It’s a time of acknowledgement and spiritual growth, as well as a compromise to the power and control you’ve been lacking to this “thing”

Some people give up fast food for Lent, some give up alcohol, some give up junk food, some give up soda, some make Lent a time for developing a new habit like: instead of feeling bored and sitting and doing nothing, I am going to spend 30 minutes each day walking through the neighborhood and getting fresh air, 

or, instead of doing busy work I am going to spend 15 minutes a day on that project I have been putting off.

Which is also a great time to start, if throughout the rest of the year you don’t do things like self evaluations or 30 day challenges.

This year for Lent, I decided to spend money only on the things I absolutely need.

Sthat hair trim and extra bottle of Green Tea from the store? Nope.
That frosting & baked delicious looking dog treat from the store for my dog? Ney.
That rug online that is 80% off and would be perfect in the living room? No way.
Those Sorels winter boots with the fur and tread on the bottom? Ohhhh no.

So far, if I would have bought the things I would normally carelessly spend money on, thinking that money grows on the tree outside of my building, I would have spent $472, and Lent only started on February 18th.
And because I am only buying things I absolutely need, I have enough food to make healthy meals every morning, every lunch, and everynight. I have paid off $205 so far of debt and will have enough to cover my bills and gas from driving, and suddenly…..
I am noticing how much pickier I am becoming with my spending.

“Is that really worth $80 or can I probably find that somewhere else for a lot cheaper?”
“Spring is almost here…. do I really need a new coat this year or have the ones I’ve been wearing work just fine?”

Granted, the living room is unfurnished. But Danny’s been in pre-seaon traveling since the middle of January and I’ve been working almost everyday since I moved here. So, neither of us have really been home long enough to decide how to decorate or what we need first. Yes, we need a couch. Yes, we will need some lamps, due to the electric in the living room light that doesn’t work. And yes, we will need a bookshelf to get all of our books off the floor. But those will come.

For those of you who have any debts or bad spending habits in general, ask yourself, do you really WANT that item or do you really NEED that item?
Close your eyes and imagine that item in your life right now and imagine your bank account. Can you honestly make that purchase without risking not having enough for another financial obligation? WHY do you want or need this item? HOW is this going to impact your life?

Another thing you can do, is try putting the money you would have normally spent on that “wanted item” into your savings account or a savings envelope. Title it “money spent” and commit to only ADDING money to it. At the end of the month (or Lent in my case), take a look at the envelope or savings account and see how much money you have that otherwise, you would not if you gave in and spent spent spent on things you want want want.

Our mind too easily confuses our wants and needs. And because we are a nation with a focus on unfortunate and unnecessary consumerism and capitalism, we begin to believe that we really do NEED the superficial and materialistic items in our lives in order to stay alive and stay noticed. Or you emotionally shop and it turns you into a shopaholic.

I fall into that last category. And that’s why I am taking the Lent now.

Like alcoholics and AA. I was an awfully scary shopaholic for years. Spending a disgusting amount of money everyday on everything I wanted, just because I had the money and I could. All Cash. When you run on nothing but Cash, it goes fast. I got myself into a shopping rehab. SA I call it – Shopaholics Anonymous. I needed a support system. I needed coping skills. When I got a trigger of any emotion that caused me to spend money, I needed somewhere or someone I could get in touch with immediately. I didn’t walk into a mall for one year. I learned about thrift shops and second hand stores (which turns out, I now love more than paying $300 for a table that looks exactly the same). It was hard. I had to treat it like an addiction to take it seriously, and in many ways it was.

I still shop when I absolutely can and even then, if I allow myself a “shopping spree” it now comes once or twice a year, instead of everyday. If I need furniture, I look at as many different resources as I can before I make a healthy decision on where I purchase it from and why I need it and I know that when I spend the money on it, my bank account will not be hindered. Because I prepare now.
I have traded furniture with friends, clothing swapped with friends and family, and have inherited many cool pieces of furniture given away by strangers and neighbors and friends alike and have been able to give away cool pieces of furniture myself.

Lent is allowing me to regroup and give myself a little slapping reminder to “keep it together woman!”


 

With this fist, I raise it in the air and regain my personal power!

AND SO CAN YOU!

Lent or no lent.
Christian or Atheist,

YOU TOO, Hold the Power Within to take back the control over your personal weaknesses and desires. The things you want to do or be better at, but for one reason or another, give into doing the complete opposite.

Remember, that everything great comes in moderation and even too much of a good thing is unhealthy.

And for whatever your weakness or habit you want to change, all it takes is acknowledgement, a series of rhetorical questions to how it became created, a support group of accountibilibuddies, and of course, a written down plan of action.

No flower blooms at the same pace. But they do bloom.

The Game Plan

the Pink Queen’s Chair

Day #1 of waking up at 7am everyday:

Of course the night before my first day of my challenge, I wasn’t able to sleep. I can usually sleep like a champion regardless of what the next day brings. Nowadays anyway. I remember the night before the first day of school, I was never able to fall asleep as a child. Christmas Eve, the night before my birthday…… it was all a loss and waste of time for me to lie in bed.

So I read instead. My grandparent’s bought me a book Passage On the Titanic for my birthday this year while I was in the hospital. At first I thought, “Jesus, another book with LDS religion innuendos. Just what I need.” Because usually I am against that. It just gets entirely suffocating to my being to be continuously pressured and urged to “find the right path of Jesus and friends” because I think the path I’m on is pretty awesome and if God and I drank a cup of tea looking through the photo album of my life, he would agree, I have fully taken in the lessons and opportunities he’s made available to the human population.

But that’s getting off topic.

This book is impressively thrilling. I find myself getting all sorts of emotional and I feel a connection with Ella Brown, one of the main characters. She has the worst habit of self doubt, because growing up a rich and spoiled girl, she saw her parents lose it all and she ended up on the streets and got pressured into prostituting herself and giving birth to an illegitimate baby that dies at the scene and becoming friends with her Mormon nurse who helps her get back on her feet.

I know what you’re thinking – whoa whoa whoa!!!!!! Too much turbo!

No, I didn’t go through the same life experiences, but through the experiences I have been through, I have felt many of the same things. Through all the tough mental moments Ella Brown has with herself, she fights every petty comment with an action of perseverence. She is unknowingly courageous to herself, but believes she must be because everybody else tells her so. She is wonderfully smart and talented, and holds a beautiful heart inside her glorious chest cavity. She survived the sinking of the Titanic and continues on her journey to America with the worry of not being able to successfully start a new life for herself there in New York City.
-if you want to know more, I highly suggest to read the book. If you’re not into reading, it’s cool, there’s a dvd.
Just like Ella Brown, I have been having tough mental moments, going through the motions of unemployment. And can I just point out really quick how nasty of a connotation the word “unemployment” has? You say the word in society and you instantly lose face. I don’t like that, because nobody knows why you’re unemployed. People hear unemployment and think “loser” which gives the person of unemployment absolutely EVERYTHING OPPOSITE of what they are seeking.
A fighting fucking chance.

Yes, it’s an inconvenience to the people who feel the obligation to help them out financially until they get back on their feet; it’s rare you find someone who wants to help out just because they want to see you okay and gratitude and motivation is all they ask from you. But, this is America, and everything comes with a debt.
It’s not ever all lost though, there’s always moments of clarity and opportunities just waiting outside your door.

If you are unemployed and there has yet to be a job offered to you, instead of hitting your head into a wall unsuccessfully everyday, why don’t you use the free time you have to not only persevere in the job seeking, but also, cross some “to-do” items off your list?
After all, you have all that free time that would otherwise be spent working. I guess now there is no more excuse to avoid the other life demanding chores, tasks, and goals.

That brings me to my next half of the topic.

CHALLENGE STRATEGY!

Every great challenge has a game plan. Nobody chooses to challenge themselves for thirty days and then wakes up to conquer it with a shot in the dark. You think Genghis Khan developed one of the largest empires in history by just “going for it”? No! He had a game plan! He refined his skills! He practiced his strategy time and time again and put his knowledge and strength to good use to make something of his ruling! He divided and conquered time and time again because he mapped out what he was going to do and he did it. And nothing in the World stopped him until he was satisfied.

It’s important to develop a game plan, because it’s the reminding to keep you on track when you’re feeling like quitting. It keeps you at ease, knowing that there is time to be waited and accomplishments to be made. Change doesn’t come in a day, but we grow impatient anyway. Deep breathing is a concept I will forever be practicing.

my challenge game plan:

  • What sort of awakening routine will I develop to ensure I get out of bed everyday at 7am? Upon awakening, I will let my dog outside for her morning bathroom break. While she is outside, I will go to my bed to clear it and make it before I can think too long about getting back inside of it. I will make my dog and I some breakfast, do the dishes if needs be, and spend thirty minutes stretching the muscles in my body giving me a slow but sure way of waking up.
  • How will I utilize this time to progress in life? By having all this free time that I would otherwise be spending at a job, until I get offered a job, I am going to have the means: 1) To go to my school and make up the classes I have missed. I will regain my 100% attendance and set the example, as an ambassador, that school is a top priority. 2) Everyday turning in resumes in person and over the internet, calling companies, getting updates for interviews, dressing for success, & on the lookout for any application or hiring signs. 3) Making my list of tasks, chores, and goals into a broken down list of what takes the bigger priority and how the time can be managed gracefully with each project regardless of the size. 4) Reading my book collection. I used to read an average of three books a week. And I find with all the time I have now, I can definitely meet that mental craving. 5) Now that my blood clots are stable and dissolving, I can successfully get back to working out without the fear of having a pulmonary embolism explode into the right chambers of my heart.
  • What do I hope to learn/gain from this challenge? From this challenge, I am mostly eager to see what I am capable of. I hope to learn the driving characteristics to my spirit and gain a new sense of confidence. I expect to learn that words won’t get me anywhere, and it’s action that brings the goal to accomplishment. I will gain respect and consideration for myself and the people around me and in turn, receiving respect and consideration. I expect to gain a new outlook in life, I expect some of my beliefs about things will change as my mind widens and allows for more diversity of possibilities to reach my core. I seek to learn what is holding me back, how to fix it, and progress forward – leaving the thing that is holding me back in the past. I crave to fix my procrastination and the laziness I have developed in the past couple months. I pray to gain more humility, more strength, and more patience.

    I will reach each and every one of these desired outcomes by giving my best and absolute sincere effort and not taking a moment to stop under the temptations of the weaknesses. By recognizing my weaknesses, I can further dominate my challenge.

  • What am I willing to sacrifice for this challenge? I am willing to sacrifice my “fun spending” money and exclude shopping from my calendar events until all the priorities get paid first. I am willing to give up my chances of sleeping in, forcing myself to make a productive day out of anything. Naps. Staying up late at night.
  • How will this challenge help me grow as a person? I believe this challenge has come to me at the right time in my life. Although it seems incredibly easy to just wake up at the same time everyday, when you are unemployed, there is a criminalistic sense of freedom you get from allowing yourself to get comfortable. All the way until obligations have to be met. And then the panic sets in and pray for something to come our way. It’s the same concept of asking for forgiveness after you’ve already been caught. You’re either sorry or you’re not, and pretending doesn’t give your morality anymore points than blatantly not caring does. In fact, honest emotions will give your morality more points than anything, because at least your whole heart is in it. At the end of this 30 day challenge, I will become a more patient person and hold a tighter grasp onto my time management throughout the days. I will hold more realistic expectations of my goals and when I can and will accomplish them. I will see free time as a chance to explore an interest or further blossom a hobby or passion, instead of sitting and staring into the blue skies of daylight space. I will become stronger, smarter, and hold my being with a bold confidence. I will refine my problem-solving skills and open my communication to widen my crowd versitility. This challenge will be the barrier that breaks the transitional wall from girl to womanhood.

Coffee For Thought

 

Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
21:39
Loft Cafe Corner

I’m sitting here with Zai and less than ten minutes within being inside the Loft Cafe, an Asian man started talking to me, because of the sight of Zai. She’s always the best conversation starter in the public eye. Just like me, she is social by nature. It’s natural for her to please the audience and slide by with her wagging tail, but she really just likes to chill out at home and play with her friends. That’s also my favorite thing in the World. Big social events don’t really mean much to me, but if I end up attending, I make the best occasion out of it.
I always wonder why strangers choose me to talk to. Is there something frank about my features? What am I doing that is standing out from the others?

I’m sitting here listening to the Spanish and it’s one of the most appetizing languages of my choice. I can smell the quesadillas and see the girls across the room from me, sitting on the couch, sharing a plate of food. Their makeup is done, hair is done, and their nails are painted. Their lip gloss is fresh and smiles sneer. Something about our energy transfer isn’t quite right. But we can’t win them all, right?
I prepared dinner for Todd and I tonight before we went on a date to a movie. I say prepare, because I didn’t actually cook it. I need time to prepare. I need time to think and create a good meal. I get too frazzled with I am trying to do it last minute. I didn’t necessarily not have enough time to cook something, but everything in the cooked section at Harmon’s was just what I wanted to make! And more! Instead I beef, I said, “Fuck the beef! I’m goin with the grilled salmon.”
I lied to him anyway and told him I made the crunchy chicken salad and the baked cubed potatoes with oregano peppered over them. I told him though that I bought the salmon, cause, let’s face it, I don’t even know how to grill a pineapple. That’s not to say I wouldn’t know what to do, I’ve just never done it before.

I didn’t get the job at Sally’s today. I thought for sure I would get it being Bellamy’s friend. I would have got the job if I could work Sundays. I could always change my Clinic shift if I needed to. Sometimes that’s what you have to do in life. Move things around.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I think we just got the moral of the story!
Life is about moving things around.
Change.

 

And as a breed of the American society, I am inconvenienced by change just as much as the next person. Admittedly, I like to have just a little bit more time with my current state of lifestyle at times. It’s always when things just get going perfect in your realm of reality that change comes upon you and embraces you with challenge.

I am not that high anymore, and realizing I definitely should have brought a sweater. This air conditioner is ballsing ass cold. At one point, when I have decided I’ve had enough of the cold air, I will leave. I just pretend the cold air isn’t real. I highly admire the Iceman on the Discovery Channel. If I could monk it out in Tibet for a couple years and control my breathing the way he controls every neurotransmitter coursing through his body.
The best thing I like to do is pretend I’m under the Sun. Soaking up the Vitamin D with the flares close enough to give me a good golden brown color. And then I like to tell myself that I’m not in fact cold, just the air is. And I know that if I focus on the sensory neurons, I can actually tell my brain that it’s not cold at all. And right now, the air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.

My goose bumps are gone.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way I feel connected to the Universe. Things seem to unravel rather quickly after I think them. I am a slow learner because I am really good at justifications, so by disregarding a situation or experience, I think it, I get it. But like I’ve been saying for years “I see it, I like it, I want it, I get it.” I just think it’s the wrong way of the expression. I think I can only juggle so many different things at once and I haven’t found myself a cap off yet. And once I cap it off or give myself a limit is when I will actually see more of the good and more of the opportunities. My problem is that I have given so much opportunity my whole life, I can’t really spot the good or bad anymore. It’s all one in the same to me. I should be able to read the two more blatantly and it does come as a disappointment that I’m not better at Compare and Contrast. I learned it enough times throughout school that I should have a more accurate callout. I guess I was sleeping that class.

It’s getting to that time where I feel like I need to leave and go back home. I think I have heard enough of the words “laptop” “Chinese” “girl” “this cost as much as her laptop” I feel like these girls are being totally snarky and annoying. The only thing I keep wondering about this particular group of people is What is the age difference here?
My coffee is almost done.
That is when I will pack everything up and leave.
I haven’t had the chance to decide how I feel about this place yet. Right now I’m not getting a very good impression, but maybe I am being the weird and quiet one. I tend to do that in public places alone. I admit gracefully, I can be somewhat of a creep. Maybe I just have that vibe, who knows.

Zai is falling asleep, that’s a good sign. Bed will be so comfortable tonight.

Speaking of bed….. it’s becoming too comfortable. I have a tendency to stay in it longer than I should. Unemployment? Slacker? Malaise? Too much pampering? I gotta stop that. Just to get myself up in the mornings, until I get a job, is to set a specific time alarm and have a to-do list to do each day.

Oh my god!

I have been thinking of challenges to do for a new thirty day challenge, and I believe I have just found it.

Hello new 30-day Challenge. Waking up at the same time everyday. Next mission: get the specifics. I will document the challenge throughout. Hopefully this will clear up some of the static that’s been in my head.

 

 

Readyyyyyyyyyyyy, BREAK!