IT’S HAPPENED!

Dare I Say, I’ve had an epiphany!

I had a profound moment and it was jolting. I thought to where I could announce this ah-ha moment, if not to my journal, and it took me a fair minute to realize what I have sitting right in front of me the whole time.

As I was using the Earth’s force of gravity to pull myself into a self-unwinding session, I was paying close attention to the emotions and imagery going through my head swiftly and I quickly realized I had to start writing something down before I lost gold once again. That tends to happen.

A trusted Guide was instructing me to come to view each of my passions as hobbies or career choices. I have a weakness in my creative mind for wanting to turn everything into a business. Totally annoying, I am sure, but constantly inspiring nevertheless! As my heart ached, letting go of a dream to make a business out of one of my hobbies, I rejoiced in the fact knowing I can still do it and have fun; I just no longer need to stress myself out about whether or not I am making a successful choice for myself.

I am checking things off left and right, and I come to a sudden freeze when I get to Planet Zynnia. My blog. My sweet, sweet blog that my beloved friend surprised me with the domain so many years ago. He still supports me in this blogging journey and couldn’t have chosen a better domain. He’s fantastic. Y’all should check him out actually, at devannielsen.com

I love this blog. It’s my precious gem. My diamond in the ruff. A place where you can come to and read brutal honesty from different categories. Reading words from an Author who intentionally encourages you to get uncomfortable with your bubble and think outside the box, challenging beliefs and raising questions in and around awareness. It feels invigorating to come here and be blown away at some of these articles. Others are softer… kinder… a bit more gentle on the awakening process. That’s what my site is all about.

TO EXPECT THE BEAUTIFUL AND UNEXPECTED.

I intend to put everything out there with Love. I don’t have time to tear anybody down with hatred, insults, or crude notions. That is not me, nor why I’m here. I will however, cuss and have my moments of outrage of insincerities if I need to. I haven’t published anything this year, because I’ve been struggling with writer’s block as well as feeling the pressure to not publish anything that may capture the attention of my LDS family or anyone else for that matter who isn’t prepared to read my blog, as well as not feeling support from friends and my boyfriend when it comes to reading my blog and participating in the comments or discussions. I will say things a lot of people aren’t ready to hear. And that is something I have been fighting with for a while.

I’ve come to realize, it’s all a bunch of bullshit in the end and if it makes me happy, I need to be okay with publishing something that may offend somebody else. Because after all, if I write what everyone wants to hear, I may never be satisfied. But if I am writing what I want to share with everybody, I am always happy I put it out there. These roads will twist and turn, but it is to thine own self, we be true! (Shout out to Shakespeare)

So Hi again. I am sorry for being a hidden asshole.
What I want to know from all of you is: What is something you have always loved to do, but no longer make the time for? Does it overwhelm you just by thinking about it? What made you stop and do you ever intend to pick it back up again? & most importantly, what is your happiness level with/without this hobby?

I look forward to chatting with you in the comment section below!

Peace of I,
Zynnia

Tonight, the Universe means business.

I’m having revelation after revelation it seems since starting my last term at school in August. The middle three and fourth terms you really do get burned out. At least for our criteria. We are the graduating class EM1012. We are the fearless class who spoke up and spoke loud and have made an impact that will forever last on the school. We push the limits and we don’t rest until our questions are answered in full satisfaction. With study groups and encouragement, we come together as a funny lookin family and we make sure to succeed as a union. We are fighters and comrades, forever raising our hand to join in the discussion of health, anatomy, and all things moving energy.

SER: Somato-Emotional Release: A therapeutic process that helps rid the mind and body of residual effects of past trauma associated with negative experiences.

 

I think my problem is that I have just taken a fake affect on everything in life. For some reason, the visual aspect of my life is bursting through the 3 Dimensional seams and I can’t help but notice the intentions set inside everybody I come in contact with. The past comes back. Our pasts. Am I crazy for voicing this? Maybe to some. This is bigger than I am and more than what I am ready to learn. There is a power burrowing inside of me, waiting to come out and shout “I SEE YOU!” to the World, drawing the bold line between looking and seeing. This however is just a sliver. This is the opportune moment between me and the Divine that says “I will give you the information you need to succeed, but first, you must confront and make amends with your demons. Because no Angel flies when bounded by darkness.”

I have started the releasing process fully in August, and although I graduate from school in October, I suspect I won’t be done for a long time until I get to where I need to be to continue my spiritual journey. I have cried more in the last few weeks than I have I think in my entire life. I have never felt more at growing peace with myself and never felt lighter within my own spirit.

I have successfully been coming face to face with the skeletons of my closet that I didn’t even know were in there. You hear all the time that nobody has fears. “Oh, I’ve seen everything!” they shout, “I have no fears! ! There is nothing to fear in this World because man can do everything. We are forces able to connect with any flowing thing..”, and though that may be true, we can’t do everything all of the time and take on a Superwoman act without rest, without time alone. Burnt out and stressed out. Overloaded and unhappy. Rage and Creepy auras. Vasodialated and heated up with blood flowing. Exchanging energy to sustain the goal in mind. Which is to write! Write however it comes out, because sometimes this feels so much better then crying. Sometimes I just don’t have it in me. I feel horrible because Todd always thinks it’s just about him and like he is the only thing. But he really doesn’t know about any other of my other stresses. I mainly don’t tell him my stresses or bad news. I don’t want him to stress out about me. I stress him out enough, he says. I feel like an ugly person. Inside and out, ironically! Hahahaha!  I have always wondered if that happens commonly or not. Well, I do.

I am sitting in the bedroom while he is out on the couch. I feel like he thinks these are moments where he can’t do anything. And it sucks, because I don’t know how to show him that I don’t care what he does in his personal life without him thinking that I’m being cynical or careless. Because, I have a sick tendancy to be careless when it comes to him. But why should I care and continue to exert energy for someone who repeatedly disregards my own being?  I say all sorts of things with my imaginative mind. I just let it flow out, as if I’m opening my sub-concious, Of course, I strive to open to my Pituitary Gland. I have been realizing what parts of me I have been neglecting, and the Pituitary Gland is the all mighty. The connection to Third Eye.

I feel like I can’t even control the eyes I have now. I have a problem looking in the center of everything. As I’m typing, I am actually focusing directly in front of me. I’m losing a bit of my sense of time although I still know what’s going on in my home. The computer with the music playing is slowing making its way towards me and the harmonies bear in the meditation.

Bathroom Break.