In The Mind Of….

IT’S HAPPENED!

Dare I Say, I’ve had an epiphany!

I had a profound moment and it was jolting. I thought to where I could announce this ah-ha moment, if not to my journal, and it took me a fair minute to realize what I have sitting right in front of me the whole time.

As I was using the Earth’s force of gravity to pull myself into a self-unwinding session, I was paying close attention to the emotions and imagery going through my head swiftly and I quickly realized I had to start writing something down before I lost gold once again. That tends to happen.

A trusted Guide was instructing me to come to view each of my passions as hobbies or career choices. I have a weakness in my creative mind for wanting to turn everything into a business. Totally annoying, I am sure, but constantly inspiring nevertheless! As my heart ached, letting go of a dream to make a business out of one of my hobbies, I rejoiced in the fact knowing I can still do it and have fun; I just no longer need to stress myself out about whether or not I am making a successful choice for myself.

I am checking things off left and right, and I come to a sudden freeze when I get to Planet Zynnia. My blog. My sweet, sweet blog that my beloved friend surprised me with the domain so many years ago. He still supports me in this blogging journey and couldn’t have chosen a better domain. He’s fantastic. Y’all should check him out actually, at devannielsen.com

I love this blog. It’s my precious gem. My diamond in the ruff. A place where you can come to and read brutal honesty from different categories. Reading words from an Author who intentionally encourages you to get uncomfortable with your bubble and think outside the box, challenging beliefs and raising questions in and around awareness. It feels invigorating to come here and be blown away at some of these articles. Others are softer… kinder… a bit more gentle on the awakening process. That’s what my site is all about.

TO EXPECT THE BEAUTIFUL AND UNEXPECTED.

I intend to put everything out there with Love. I don’t have time to tear anybody down with hatred, insults, or crude notions. That is not me, nor why I’m here. I will however, cuss and have my moments of outrage of insincerities if I need to. I haven’t published anything this year, because I’ve been struggling with writer’s block as well as feeling the pressure to not publish anything that may capture the attention of my LDS family or anyone else for that matter who isn’t prepared to read my blog, as well as not feeling support from friends and my boyfriend when it comes to reading my blog and participating in the comments or discussions. I will say things a lot of people aren’t ready to hear. And that is something I have been fighting with for a while.

I’ve come to realize, it’s all a bunch of bullshit in the end and if it makes me happy, I need to be okay with publishing something that may offend somebody else. Because after all, if I write what everyone wants to hear, I may never be satisfied. But if I am writing what I want to share with everybody, I am always happy I put it out there. These roads will twist and turn, but it is to thine own self, we be true! (Shout out to Shakespeare)

So Hi again. I am sorry for being a hidden asshole.
What I want to know from all of you is: What is something you have always loved to do, but no longer make the time for? Does it overwhelm you just by thinking about it? What made you stop and do you ever intend to pick it back up again? & most importantly, what is your happiness level with/without this hobby?

I look forward to chatting with you in the comment section below!

Peace of I,
Zynnia

Life As I Know It.

A calm life up in the mountainside is all I need to breathe easy. Serenity surrounding me as a sweet foundation to my ultimately up-and-on-the-go lifestyle. I spread the Word of Wellness around the World with business partners nationwide and internationally. I have an empire built on Massage Therapy/Skin Care  with clients who pay me by way of yearly contract only. I have small shops of different business ideas spread around the county. I spend my days massaging clients in a naturalistic setting and educating them about the importance of self-inspired health and a wellness lifestyle where freedom is infinite and happiness is abundant. My clients are dis-ease free and active. They are also turning 110 this year.

From the success of Phoenix Sun Massage, I have continued on to create a local Massage Supply store in a two-level building with a breakfast bar on the bottom, serving healthy breakfast and other food options with homemade ingredients that are fresh and sludge free. Serving the students and faculty of UCMT along with everyone welcome in Earth community. Ran by the top students of the school, to contribute to Work Study, because we all relate to the struggle of student financial life. Business is going great and our word of mouth advertising has brought us incredible, cultured, unique, and interesting individuals from all over the World. I am able to provide a comfortable employment for my employees. They are rewarded full medical and dental coverage through their schooling with discounts off store product, and an environment full of knowledge, respect, and teamwork to build a trusting foundation to last the days.

I work with the Utah Herding Breed Rescue and use my access of 7 acred-land to house foster dogs far enough into the East mountainside with the luxury of creating a backyard paradise of my custom design. By this time, I have made connections with animal societies and animal trainers from around the World by working with dogs, wolves, and horses.

When I am not doing something for my business or animal life, I am basking in my passions for writing and adventure. I keep a few different blog pages on my personal website and write about anything I want to. Mostly interesting stories, to help people take the time for a moment out of their day to sit still and let go. With my personal blog, I encourage the act to always stay on top and keep their head up. I show people what its like to have their imagination and passion back. To create the thing they’ve always wanted and live a life of their said reality. I do this by bringing awareness through my writing, examples, and intellectual approaches; as well as fun and easy-to-read articles that grab the attention of both wild teenager and aging senior citizen. My writing is real and unleashed from the common barracks of societal rules. I keep a music podcast and blog with special guests, ideas, and of course, the music itself. I strive to bring meaningful music of all and any genres out there who lives to speak of real things, real times, and real ideas.

I am respected and successful because of the confidence I hold in myself and my perception. I am a real woman who lives life, truly by the fullest of her passion. I am surrounded by love in many, various aspects. I keep close bonds with friends and family and often have events held at my house for holidays and social get-together’s. I hold my clients confidential, but through my clients, work as a connector to build upon the democracy and community lives, for the better.  I am a reputable contributor to making communities and businesses better for the economy, wellness, and safety of our neighbors, through a free-person-welcomed City Counsel of Salt Lake. With our team full of ideas and sifting out the good ideas from the bad, we are able to create non-biased and fact-full articles about the community and for the community and create change through individual awareness and action. I am one small voice that’s connected with the one large voice our county carries, who shares the credit of creating a truly remarkable way of living by combining ideas from the past, present, and future. We are noticed. And we are heard of. Together, we grow as a community, a state, and a nation. Our nation is coming back on top and gaining their United independence Rights back. People around the World are speaking up, creating, idolizing their lives to fit their happiness and safety priorities. War is down, although bickering remains content. We are in a time of change where the World is (slowly but surely) realizing working together in best frenemy-styled fashion, is going to give them the greater gain.

 

I am living the best life I have dreamed of all this and more. And I owe it all to the faculty and staff of the Utah College of Massage Therapy.

Rebirth

I have been having a big problem with writer’s block for the past while, especially when it comes to putting material up here on planetzynnia.com.

A lot of the times, when I am out and about in the city or on my bike or just lounging around the house, I think of articles to write, ideas flourishing in my head! I would tell myself, “I’m goin to remember this and jump on the computer when I get home and write this down!” And then I got home and….. nothing.

Sometimes, by the time I even got home, I couldn’t remember anything I had thought of that day. I can’t even begin to imagine all the ideas, stories, and words I have wanted to spill out on here – only to be disappointed by my own self.

After all, we are our own best sabotage.

Sometimes, I just allow my lazy tendencies to get in the way.
Sometimes, I worry more about the material on my website. I think to myself constantly, “Can I put that on my site? Can I expand on the topic enough to make an interesting read? If I swear, will I want to look forward to hearing it ruthlessly from my family because of it? Can I do this? Should I do that? What? Why? How?”

Question, question, question, question, question, question, question, question!
And no god damn answers!

I was driving home this past Saturday night from a two-day trip to Grand Junction, Colorado. I’ve come to not mind the four hour drive so much, because it’s a great time to mull over the thoughts spinning around in my head. I can shamelessly talk aloud to myself and give myself the time and patience to make sense of it all. One of the topics I had talked my own ear off about, is this topic today: the content here on planetzynnia.com.

I had to ask myself why I started the website in the first place. And this is what I came up with:

 

For the past nine years, I have faithfully kept a detailed journal of my life. Everyday, I would take time to write in my books. At any given point, someone could find me pulling it out of my bag, regardless of where I was – if I had to write, I had to write. Location was never a top concern. The older I got, the more friends and strangers started to notice. “Ashlyn and her diary..” people would say. “What do you write in there all the time?” people would ask.
Periodically, I would let trusted friends flip through my old diaries and allow them to really get a taste of my head. Why I think the way I think. That’s when I got the idea to write a memoir. And then I opened up my first livejournal account. And then, I expressed the idea of my own website to my former boyfriend who surprised me with the birth of this website back in 2011. I truly owe this all to him.

For the first while, getting subscribers weren’t my main concern. I never truly thought anyone would even find my website; let alone read my blogs. It continues to touch me and warm my heart with every recognition I get from the comments (the ones that don’t generate a thousand spam comments that is)

This website is still a baby in essence. Which means, I still have the choice to decide what type of website this is. Do I want it to be based on one category? A self-development blog? Animal blog? Massage Therapy blog? Beauty blog? Stories? – This “blog type” was half the battle!

It wasn’t until my drive home this past Saturday night, I realized, I am one of a kind. My thoughts are unique, my person is original, my life experiences are truly diverse and interesting all in their own. When you go onto Planetzynnia.com, you never really know what you’ll read that day and that’s the beauty behind it. It’s what sets me apart from others, it’s what wakes me up in the morning and feeds my passion. Being different and being unafraid is what I want to show the World.

I want to demolish stereotypical expectations. I want to bring people together through words, pictures, and a good story. I want to encourage those who can relate to the trials I have been through. I want to give the faith back to people who may be questioning their path or life-long desires. That’s who I am.

I am an Earth Peacemaker. I am a Fire Wizard. I am a Water Philosopher.

I am Ashlyn Zynnia Campbell.

And this is the re-birth, of Planetzynnia,com.

 

Welcome friends.

photo credit: Dylan Guest Art

Coffee For Thought

 

Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
21:39
Loft Cafe Corner

I’m sitting here with Zai and less than ten minutes within being inside the Loft Cafe, an Asian man started talking to me, because of the sight of Zai. She’s always the best conversation starter in the public eye. Just like me, she is social by nature. It’s natural for her to please the audience and slide by with her wagging tail, but she really just likes to chill out at home and play with her friends. That’s also my favorite thing in the World. Big social events don’t really mean much to me, but if I end up attending, I make the best occasion out of it.
I always wonder why strangers choose me to talk to. Is there something frank about my features? What am I doing that is standing out from the others?

I’m sitting here listening to the Spanish and it’s one of the most appetizing languages of my choice. I can smell the quesadillas and see the girls across the room from me, sitting on the couch, sharing a plate of food. Their makeup is done, hair is done, and their nails are painted. Their lip gloss is fresh and smiles sneer. Something about our energy transfer isn’t quite right. But we can’t win them all, right?
I prepared dinner for Todd and I tonight before we went on a date to a movie. I say prepare, because I didn’t actually cook it. I need time to prepare. I need time to think and create a good meal. I get too frazzled with I am trying to do it last minute. I didn’t necessarily not have enough time to cook something, but everything in the cooked section at Harmon’s was just what I wanted to make! And more! Instead I beef, I said, “Fuck the beef! I’m goin with the grilled salmon.”
I lied to him anyway and told him I made the crunchy chicken salad and the baked cubed potatoes with oregano peppered over them. I told him though that I bought the salmon, cause, let’s face it, I don’t even know how to grill a pineapple. That’s not to say I wouldn’t know what to do, I’ve just never done it before.

I didn’t get the job at Sally’s today. I thought for sure I would get it being Bellamy’s friend. I would have got the job if I could work Sundays. I could always change my Clinic shift if I needed to. Sometimes that’s what you have to do in life. Move things around.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I think we just got the moral of the story!
Life is about moving things around.
Change.

 

And as a breed of the American society, I am inconvenienced by change just as much as the next person. Admittedly, I like to have just a little bit more time with my current state of lifestyle at times. It’s always when things just get going perfect in your realm of reality that change comes upon you and embraces you with challenge.

I am not that high anymore, and realizing I definitely should have brought a sweater. This air conditioner is ballsing ass cold. At one point, when I have decided I’ve had enough of the cold air, I will leave. I just pretend the cold air isn’t real. I highly admire the Iceman on the Discovery Channel. If I could monk it out in Tibet for a couple years and control my breathing the way he controls every neurotransmitter coursing through his body.
The best thing I like to do is pretend I’m under the Sun. Soaking up the Vitamin D with the flares close enough to give me a good golden brown color. And then I like to tell myself that I’m not in fact cold, just the air is. And I know that if I focus on the sensory neurons, I can actually tell my brain that it’s not cold at all. And right now, the air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.

My goose bumps are gone.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way I feel connected to the Universe. Things seem to unravel rather quickly after I think them. I am a slow learner because I am really good at justifications, so by disregarding a situation or experience, I think it, I get it. But like I’ve been saying for years “I see it, I like it, I want it, I get it.” I just think it’s the wrong way of the expression. I think I can only juggle so many different things at once and I haven’t found myself a cap off yet. And once I cap it off or give myself a limit is when I will actually see more of the good and more of the opportunities. My problem is that I have given so much opportunity my whole life, I can’t really spot the good or bad anymore. It’s all one in the same to me. I should be able to read the two more blatantly and it does come as a disappointment that I’m not better at Compare and Contrast. I learned it enough times throughout school that I should have a more accurate callout. I guess I was sleeping that class.

It’s getting to that time where I feel like I need to leave and go back home. I think I have heard enough of the words “laptop” “Chinese” “girl” “this cost as much as her laptop” I feel like these girls are being totally snarky and annoying. The only thing I keep wondering about this particular group of people is What is the age difference here?
My coffee is almost done.
That is when I will pack everything up and leave.
I haven’t had the chance to decide how I feel about this place yet. Right now I’m not getting a very good impression, but maybe I am being the weird and quiet one. I tend to do that in public places alone. I admit gracefully, I can be somewhat of a creep. Maybe I just have that vibe, who knows.

Zai is falling asleep, that’s a good sign. Bed will be so comfortable tonight.

Speaking of bed….. it’s becoming too comfortable. I have a tendency to stay in it longer than I should. Unemployment? Slacker? Malaise? Too much pampering? I gotta stop that. Just to get myself up in the mornings, until I get a job, is to set a specific time alarm and have a to-do list to do each day.

Oh my god!

I have been thinking of challenges to do for a new thirty day challenge, and I believe I have just found it.

Hello new 30-day Challenge. Waking up at the same time everyday. Next mission: get the specifics. I will document the challenge throughout. Hopefully this will clear up some of the static that’s been in my head.

 

 

Readyyyyyyyyyyyy, BREAK!

Hi again,

It’s one of those nights. Those nights to let it all go.
After a long day of thinking about my actions and life choices and seeing how they have come to effect my life now, I’m wiped out. Everyday, you do something, anything, and it moves you one step closer or one step further away from where you want to be.

Our problem is that we rarely stop to assess. Some of us have more awareness. Some of us truly believe we are aware people, and sometimes come to surprise even our self in the observations we have.

Let’s begin:

I haven’t been onto my website in a long, long time.
The worst part is, I have had so many great ideas on what to write about.
I used to just stop and write it out on my WordPress app on my phone, but now I am finding that I’m becoming more and more lazy about it. I am thinking about the idea of writing out a giant, long, detailed blog for so long that I actually end up getting overwhelmed and deciding to leave it alone completely, claiming that “I will just remember this topic and write it down when I get home.”
Really?
Who am I kidding?
I won’t remember. And even if I did, I wouldn’t do it.I’ve been exhausted for months.I have been living with two female roommates since the end of January, in downtown Salt Lake. It was fun for the most part. 

  • I got a dog at eight weeks old and have been juggling being with her, training her, playing with her – all things Zai.
  • I have been working a job that became more and more dissatisfying every day I went in for another shift.
  • I am going to a school where, besides my dog, is the only thing that keeps me sane all the time.
  • I have been in a six month relationship and have gone through the ups & down, in the end, enjoying every minute of it. I’m in love. I love another person’s soul. And I have loved his soul longer than I have loved him.

After all, isn’t that how I should feel about my other half? We connected on ways we’ve never connected with other people before.

And with Zai… I have never communicated with any animal the way I communicate with her. I think people forget to realize, more or less of the time, how much animals can understand. If you give them a chance, they will understand you. It’s a wonderful thing, mammal communication.

I quit my job yesterday. All the time we hear or read, on blog and motivational pieces, encouraging you to quit your job and take the risk of doing what makes you happy. And it really is great advice, except for the fact that sometimes, certain people are just sillier than others and quit without a) having a concrete backup and b) stacking those racks and really preparing for the time spent off track.
Oops! But what can you do? You can use that unpreparedness to your advantage and boost your motivation to fulfill a position that fits your current lifestyle exactly how you see fit.

I’ve taken my hiatus from blogging and reading, unexpectedly. It’s driven me nuts, and all along I have recognized the feeling of unbalanced energy in my life. I have to hit my forehead, bringing me back to reality, quite frequently, saying to myself, “Of course this is what’s missing! Why am I holding back? Why am I not writing? Why am I not engaging in the passion that drives my soul?”

 

Excuses.

It doesn’t make me a phony in how I carry myself, in any sense, however I have come to the comfortable realization that sometimes when you grow and progress so quickly in so many different ways, you forget about your foundation.
“forgetting where you came from phase.

It doesn’t make your person any better or worse, it just leads your core in a tornado across your entire thought process. It can be overwhelming or stressful and not only until you bring yourself back to center and remember where you are, how you got there, and where you want to be; will you make the necessary changes to pick up, regroup, and move forward in the best sane matter you know possible.

It’s not about doing it like anybody else, it’s about doing it the best way you know possible for the moment until you find the next big thing that will encourage, drive, and push you into the limits you never knew were available at hand.

That’s when the universe answers your call and decides you’re ready for the next big thing.

 

 

 

Dear Universe,
I don’t know if you know me as well as I know you. But I get you.
And I’m ready for you.

Yours Truly,
Z.

 

I pay my respects out of respect.

Skeletons In the Closet.

I’ve been having this intense feeling lately that for every big change you make in life, you won’t complete the process of change without confronting one forgotten situation of the past.

Secrets come out.
Skeletons are dug deep out of the closet.

And in a completely twisted way, we wouldn’t have been able to make the change, without confronting our hidden past.

Why do people have experiences others don’t? Is any experience truly random? Or is it a mix between our current thoughts and past secrets – coming out to form a new age enlightenment?
Hoping that maybe this time, we’ll get it.

I’m a strong believer in the Law of Attraction. I’m a strong believer in communicating with the Universe and using my faith to protect me and others.

But nothing protects you from bringing those things to life. Nothing ever stops surprising you when you must practice your faith out of fear, disappointment, or danger.

I recently took a weekend trip to LA. I had trusted someone who made himself out to be a bigger deal than he was. I was under the impression we would be talking business, fundraisers, and hip hop.
I was also hoping to see one of my best friend’s who now lives there.

So, on Saturday I got ready, packed my bag, and flew out of the Salt Lake valley to the Golden State of the West Coast.

I didn’t think anything of it when Mr. Ivvs picked me up and his cousin was driving. Rick was acting questionably towards me.
As if I was random – which I suppose I am.
As if I was there for illegal business – which I was not.
As if I was there to do dirty work – which, the only kind of dirty work I planned to do was wash the sweat off my body from the plane ride.

 

I’m lucky.

I’m lucky to have recognized all the warning signs that came after. (although I really should have been more aware to realize them before any trip was planned).
I’m lucky  to have had the strength to stand up to him.
I’m lucky I got out.

 

I couldn’t help but stop myself and hit my head. Because of the small choices I make and the life I lead, followed by the persistent thoughts of my wrecked past, I have literally created this moment all by myself. I have made this moment re-livable only so I could demonstrate the strength I wish I had years ago.

I have been thinking a lot about the lie I told, about strength, about courage, honesty, and bravery. I have been thinking about change and growth and life choices and how to make them healthier.

So, it’s only natural that my thoughts and actions have manifested into a life experience my gut has been urging me to conquer. Not only did I stick up for myself, to my predator, but I stuck up to every damageable choice I have made – every sick fear I’ve been holding onto – every unwanted, anticipated thought up occurrence.

 

 

Veni Vidi Vici

Victoria’s Secret Top Ten

Every couple of weeks, the employees of Victoria’s Secret get what’s called a gratis. That means a certain product is available to us for $15 or less.
So this week, one of our gratis’ is to memorize and recite the Top Ten bras and then we get one of our choosing, FOR FREE!

So I made this rap and rapped it to the girls at work. Definitely worth a free bra.

“VS Top Ten”

The number 1 at Victoria’s Secret is the Very Sexy Push-Up, no need to explain it.
Coming in second is the BBV, the Demi that keeps everything in key.
And I don’t mean key like the one for ignitions, I mean the kind that keeps both the girls in position.
Now some of ya’ll dont like the demi cause its too thin, some of ya’ll dig to be big, like Heaven.
Spreadin your wings on memory foam feeling, is the cloud like bra, the third best selling!
Its Fabulous, I know, 4 it tells it all.
With the customized fit giving you lightweighted glow. They say the more you tan, the more you glow. The more revealin your girls wanna show.
So give me a five and let’s jive all night, in the Demi Dreams Angels under tops made bright.
No need to show off when the squeeze ain’t around, stay sixes with him, save the Bombshell look for a night- lights out. Why pay money when for ten times less, you can get two cup sizes more & the pain for less.
Right timing is the key, changing your look for society.
Grab a sweater & leave the 7 deadly sins, guess which bra you put on next…. The Perfect Coverage.
Both comfy and classy. Twirl around, jump up and down, & toss your fear of falling out.
Unless the attention is an ego boost, which it sometimes is.
Running down Main, but not so much in vain, still get the looks with the number 8 rate. The harder you breathe, the more it pushes up.
Keep the routine, you’ll have a Body like Victoria. Always stay modest, cause thats the hottest.
You’ll raise to a 9 by leaving it all to their mind. Keep the Fantasies going with the neckline and soft inline.
I promise by the end, girl you’ll be a Ten. Take my advice and find your strength and Amazing will parade on a rainy day.

Side Effects of Jetlag.

THIS IS ME.

I can’t seem to get over the jet-lag since being home from China. Every day, I have had barely enough energy to make it through the next step. The moment the sun sets, my eyes are wide awake waiting for the next event. I am running around and talkative and sleep is the last thing on my mind.
I would have never expected to still be working off China time.

I used to never believe in jet-lag. I used to think, Well, it’s easy. You just go to bed when you normally would and it just goes from there. 
I am so, so, very wrong.
I am already debating on sleeping again as I am writing this.

I am going to bed every night (or day, depending on your perception of when a new day starts. For me, it’s not a new day until you shower or sleep) between 4 and 5 in the morning. And still waking up anywhere between 7 and 9 in the morning. I have to say, I still eat breakfast and that impresses me alone. Breakfast will always be the most important meal of the day, in my opinion. If I am not dragged out of bed by a social life, then I fall right back asleep.

It’s not that I am eating at odd hours, I am just not eating. My body hasn’t yet recognized when it should and should not be hungry. I have lost all of my routine that I had before and during China. I am currently in the process of putting together a new routine, depending on the job I get again.
I get so mixed up on what I should do throughout the day that I would have normally been doing for the past few months, that I just don’t do anything and sleep instead. Always hoping when I wake up, I will really still be in Bengbu, and have to get ready for teaching.

Though I was only gone for five months, it seemed like a year. When you immerse yourself in a different culture so quickly and so deeply, you forget a lot about your own culture, so coming back is just a little overwhelming. It’s like a roller coaster. I have forgotten how to talk to people sometimes because I have been so used to broken English, charades, and grunting my words out. I am used to staying more silent than my reputation holds me to be. I talk completely different.

I am so glad I have a best friend who stays up late. He has saved me from boredom, luckily because he had two days off. Together we ventured at night to mountaintops and movie nights in his room and hungout around a bonfire and he took me to a party. I was awake for all of this! Had this been in the middle of the day, I would have fallen asleep in the truck or on a chair or in the bed. So far, he is the only one I have seen and I am glad because it’s easy to get into the groove of things with him. He is making this process easy for me.

If you have ever had jet-lag then maybe you will understand how you question all the hours you are awake and yet not doing anything of importance. You know that diary I write in? Those pictures I have to edit? The things I still need to find a place for in my room? Yes, I haven’t touched any of it. How is it that I can give myself so little of sleep and yet can’t seem to find the time to do everything I need to do?
And maybe that is my problem. Maybe forcing myself to do those will help me get my balance back in life. The one thing I can’t let myself do is fall behind on things. That will only add to my feeling of overwhelming and stress. Although, why stress? I have time to get it together and there is no use in rushing, because as life teaches us: rushing things will only make it worse.

So I guess all I can do is start working towards the closest stamp of routine I can get used to. And no matter what time I fall asleep, I should wake up at the same time. That way, my body will at least be used to when breakfast is and the morning regimen I give it. I know jet-lag won’t last forever, or probably even to the end of next week, but there’s no better time like the present!

I just had to vent about this jet-lag and hopefully I can get through this sometime in the next couple of days. Not working is the perfect time to get things organized and figured out! So maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I am hoping this post made some sort of sense because my eyes keep shutting and rolling in the back of the my head as I type, still.

Although contradicting, maybe I will take a one hour nap and then get it all together. Good idea? Maybe not, but then again, maybe I just got inspired for a new 30 Day Challenge……

You Are What You Make It.

Standing inside Carrefour and waiting for Mindy to
finish checking out, I  find an
unusual
state of calmness.

With the Sounds of cash registers Beeping
& people chattering a language I don’t fully
understand,
I find my World coming to a s t a n d s t i l l.

Every single thing comes to a pause
& my view becomes s l o w m o t i o n .
I hear every word as it comes.
I define which beep belongs to which machine.

I feel invisible. I feel synchronized. I feel elapsed in time.
Like I don’t know if I am dreaming or not.

Am I high?
Sometimes, I just wanna be.
Sometimes it would make more sense if I were.
So for now, I’ll just take this moment.
THIS “HIGH LIFE” HIT.

My place is here.

I was writing in my diary this morning while everybody was at Church.
Usually I will go with them and sit in the corner of the couch and listen quietly.
I mainly go on the circumstance that I am invited. They know I would not go otherwise, however, if they are giving a talk or speaking to the rest of the online branch, I like to show my support.
I have grown up around the religion my whole life, so I know my boundaries.

The more I started going, I picked up on some of the talks and took away many inspiring thoughts and quotes. I thought, “how interesting if I applied outside the church and into life.” But it was not meant for that.
And they made sure I knew that. The more comments I gave during discussions and ideas I expressed, I realized something.

MY PLACE IS HERE

Here, by the water, where life is kept open.
Here, under the trees, where the right words are spoken.
Here, in the sun, that reminds me never to stray.
Here in my sanctuary, here for another day.

Here, where I can show my shoulders, knowing they will be kissed.
Here, where I can stretch and glisten, with no audience.
Here with the statue, here with the beads, here with my own prayer; my own meaning.

In a life with no judgements, no slander, no gawks.
Why do I feel the pressure to be somebody I know I never could?
They have their place together. Although the invites are wonderful,
I am the one subjecting myself to the situation.
I must stop lying to myself and others. Making false promises I am a different way. I am just not. I cannot change for the wrong reasons.

I am a blogger. I am a writer. I am an adventurer. I dream to inspire. I’m inspired by dreamers. Writing is my everything. I meditate and keep a close list of profanities in my vocabulary. I live my life by the stars. I’m too sarcastic for this country – for this group. I make bad decisions and live with the consequences. I do many things society would question is right or wrong. I am too blunt for my own good and too outspoken to be silent when given word without proof.

No, no, they can stay in their church. I no longer need to go for support and come back to my room feeling guilty over something so small, when I feel in my heart it is right. My place is here. With my spiritual need. My universe. I am okay with the things I cannot answer. I am okay with the dreams that give me signs. I am okay with the Déjà vu and the things that make me the way I am.

I need to let them have their full spiritual high, while I give myself the respect to have mine.