The Bigger Picture

Wildfire.

I’m having revelation after revelation it seems since starting my last term at school. The middle three and fourth terms you really do get burned out. At least for our criteria. We are the graduating class EM1012,

We are the fearless class who spoke up and spoke loud and have made an impact that will forever last on the school.

I think my problem is that I have just taken a fake effect on everything in life. For some reason, a visual part of my life just seems to have a weird effect in my life now. The past comes back. I notice it more when I’m high with Lion.  I feel bad when I get to that point where I usually spend that “high time” by myself. And we do everything together. We both miss our alone time, and it’s fair that we both get that. We are just people.

I don’t think I have daddy issues at all. In fact, I have seldom issues with my father. But I am the part of him that I enjoy the most. He is my total opposite, and yet one of my favorite like-people in this World.

I know the person who holds my demons. Who stole me of my innocence.

You hear all the time that nobody has fears. “Oh, I’ve seen everything!” they shout, “I have no fears! ! There is nothing to fear in this World because man can do everything. We are forces able to connect with any flowing thing..”, and though that may be true, we can’t do everything all of the time and take on a Superwoman act without rest, without time alone. Burnt out and stressed out. Overloaded and unhappy. Rage and Creepy auras. Vasodialation and heated up with blood flowing. Exchanging energy to sustain the goal in mind. Which is to write! Write however it comes out, because sometimes this feels so much better then crying. Sometimes I just don’t have it in me. I feel horrible because Lion always thinks it’s about him and like he is the only thing that makes me unhappy. But he really doesn’t know about any other of my other stresses. I mainly don’t tell him my stresses or bad news. I don’t want him to stress out about me. I stress him out enough. I feel like an ugly person. Inside and out, ironically! Hahahaha!  I have always wondered if that manifests itself into our literal shape. Mental issues taking a shape onto your body.

I am sitting in the bedroom while my babs is out on the couch. I feel like he thinks these are moments where he can’t do anything. And it sucks, because I don’t know how to show him that I don’t care what he does in his personal life without him thinking that I’m being cynical or cunty. Because, I have a sick tendency to be pretty cunty. I say all sorts of things with my imaginative mind. I just let it flow out, as if I’m opening my subconscious, Of course, I strive to open to my Pituitary Gland. I have been realizing what parts of me I have been neglecting, and the Pituitary Gland is the all mighty. The connection to Third Eye.

I feel like I can’t even control the eyes I have now. I have a problem looking in the center of everything. As I’m typing, I am actually focusing directly in front of me. I’m losing a bit of my sense of time although I still know what’s going on in my home. The computer with the music playing is slowing making its way towards me and the harmonies bear in the meditation.

Bathroom Break.

I can’t justify my personality flaws nor the flaws of other people. I can’t blame my mother or any other outside influence that has many any subconscious impact in my life. The bottom line is: it has.

Whether it was a good or bad experience, it has made an impression in my life. Whether I acknowledge it or not, these life influences sit at the foundation of every life choice I make. I could go on and on and dive into every specific issue and I could pour my heart to you openly. That might make me feel better, if we could get by with treating symptom issues.

I don’t like treating symptoms with my clients, so what makes me think I want to treat symptoms with myself? The goal here is to change the root cause!

What I have now is new-found reality. I will not confine myself to thinking errors such as “I am this way because,__________” because that’s juvenile. In the end, it’s our energetic force-field that has allowed for the influence and whatever influence has made its way, must have needed to get in for a reason. I myself have blossomed into a person unlike any other, which is a praise on its own, because that’s what we should do as humans! We have the opportunity, the encouragement above all to live our passions. Being ourselves is something not many people in this World know they can be, and yet, it’s our birth right. Stripped away from some of us at birth, from government, from abusive environments, from report cards, and societal failures. In reality, we are the only person able to stop us; if we allow someone else to do that job, we might as well already be half dead.

Influence. Impression. Impact.

So how do I, and other people in the same type of situation, deal with this?

We acknowledge it. We accept it. We change it.
But how do we change it?

By developing new thinking habits. It’s the one controllable change we have upon ourselves. We read and write all the time lists and explanations of ways to improve our happiness, our general emotional state, and our mental clarity. Be positive. Change your realm of people. Take a Me Day. Create a Gratitude Journal. Try this, try that, and let me tell you how to live a happier life in less than 100 ways.

That’s not reality though, because not everybody has the same motivation or change rate. Not everyone’s problems come from their friends or jobs. Not everyone wants to give up their inner circle in order to have a peace of mind. Not everybody has to write in a gratitude journal to make their prayers validated. Again, all that does is fix the symptoms. So when the unhappiness creeps back in, it’s back to the drawing board.

The only thing we need to do when it comes to looking for change is our thought process. It’s the one aspect that drives every action, every perceptional view, every choice and emotion and reason for what we do. If we don’t think we sit. Our brain doesn’t know what else to do other than go with the flow. By re-training our thought patterns, we can project a better outcome for ourselves.

I’m not a scientist or psychologist. I can’t tell you ways on how to change your thought process, because I don’t know where your issues stem from. I also don’t have all the time in the World to hear about them as much as you don’t have all the time in the World to talk about them. And that’s okay. It’s not inhumane of me to not want to hear about it. You don’t know me from Eve, so why should you bear your innermost problems to me by way of verbal information?

I am a Professional Massage Therapist. A holistic body worker and firm believer in the connection with our Physical and Energetic bodies. Everyday I get to work with someone new and help facilitate the healing process for them to get back to their optimal level of health, by bringing them back in alignment with the gravitational pull and balancing out the energies and emotions that are inside. I get to communicate with bodies everyday and learn something new from someone. It’s truly a blessing what I do and I hope to do it my entire life.

You can’t fix your physical problems without fixing your energetic problems and vice versa. You can’t recognize your issues and continue to write a rain check on them in the hopes you will still progress. And you wonder why you’re not changing….

For me, I change my thought process by forcing positive thoughts my way if in the event they are in deep hiding. I fake it to make it sometimes. I am only human and it’s impossible to be consistently happy all of the time. We need down sides to even us out. We need a flushing of emotions to keep us in check that, hey! We’re humans. It’s what we do.

By becoming better in touch with ourselves and who we are, we need to make that connection solid between heart and mind. We need to listen to our bodies when it tells us something. We need not to fight the releasement our bodies crave. Our bodies need the releasement and would fulfill it’s craving if we didn’t let our pride and mind control get in the way. We have a right to live free of dis-ease. We have a right to bury our burdens and set the grave on fire.

 

We have a right to shine and grow and fulfill our passionate destinies.

It’s our birthright, to burn like Wildfire.

Rebirth

I have been having a big problem with writer’s block for the past while, especially when it comes to putting material up here on planetzynnia.com.

A lot of the times, when I am out and about in the city or on my bike or just lounging around the house, I think of articles to write, ideas flourishing in my head! I would tell myself, “I’m goin to remember this and jump on the computer when I get home and write this down!” And then I got home and….. nothing.

Sometimes, by the time I even got home, I couldn’t remember anything I had thought of that day. I can’t even begin to imagine all the ideas, stories, and words I have wanted to spill out on here – only to be disappointed by my own self.

After all, we are our own best sabotage.

Sometimes, I just allow my lazy tendencies to get in the way.
Sometimes, I worry more about the material on my website. I think to myself constantly, “Can I put that on my site? Can I expand on the topic enough to make an interesting read? If I swear, will I want to look forward to hearing it ruthlessly from my family because of it? Can I do this? Should I do that? What? Why? How?”

Question, question, question, question, question, question, question, question!
And no god damn answers!

I was driving home this past Saturday night from a two-day trip to Grand Junction, Colorado. I’ve come to not mind the four hour drive so much, because it’s a great time to mull over the thoughts spinning around in my head. I can shamelessly talk aloud to myself and give myself the time and patience to make sense of it all. One of the topics I had talked my own ear off about, is this topic today: the content here on planetzynnia.com.

I had to ask myself why I started the website in the first place. And this is what I came up with:

 

For the past nine years, I have faithfully kept a detailed journal of my life. Everyday, I would take time to write in my books. At any given point, someone could find me pulling it out of my bag, regardless of where I was – if I had to write, I had to write. Location was never a top concern. The older I got, the more friends and strangers started to notice. “Ashlyn and her diary..” people would say. “What do you write in there all the time?” people would ask.
Periodically, I would let trusted friends flip through my old diaries and allow them to really get a taste of my head. Why I think the way I think. That’s when I got the idea to write a memoir. And then I opened up my first livejournal account. And then, I expressed the idea of my own website to my former boyfriend who surprised me with the birth of this website back in 2011. I truly owe this all to him.

For the first while, getting subscribers weren’t my main concern. I never truly thought anyone would even find my website; let alone read my blogs. It continues to touch me and warm my heart with every recognition I get from the comments (the ones that don’t generate a thousand spam comments that is)

This website is still a baby in essence. Which means, I still have the choice to decide what type of website this is. Do I want it to be based on one category? A self-development blog? Animal blog? Massage Therapy blog? Beauty blog? Stories? – This “blog type” was half the battle!

It wasn’t until my drive home this past Saturday night, I realized, I am one of a kind. My thoughts are unique, my person is original, my life experiences are truly diverse and interesting all in their own. When you go onto Planetzynnia.com, you never really know what you’ll read that day and that’s the beauty behind it. It’s what sets me apart from others, it’s what wakes me up in the morning and feeds my passion. Being different and being unafraid is what I want to show the World.

I want to demolish stereotypical expectations. I want to bring people together through words, pictures, and a good story. I want to encourage those who can relate to the trials I have been through. I want to give the faith back to people who may be questioning their path or life-long desires. That’s who I am.

I am an Earth Peacemaker. I am a Fire Wizard. I am a Water Philosopher.

I am Ashlyn Zynnia Campbell.

And this is the re-birth, of Planetzynnia,com.

 

Welcome friends.

photo credit: Dylan Guest Art

Coffee For Thought

 

Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
21:39
Loft Cafe Corner

I’m sitting here with Zai and less than ten minutes within being inside the Loft Cafe, an Asian man started talking to me, because of the sight of Zai. She’s always the best conversation starter in the public eye. Just like me, she is social by nature. It’s natural for her to please the audience and slide by with her wagging tail, but she really just likes to chill out at home and play with her friends. That’s also my favorite thing in the World. Big social events don’t really mean much to me, but if I end up attending, I make the best occasion out of it.
I always wonder why strangers choose me to talk to. Is there something frank about my features? What am I doing that is standing out from the others?

I’m sitting here listening to the Spanish and it’s one of the most appetizing languages of my choice. I can smell the quesadillas and see the girls across the room from me, sitting on the couch, sharing a plate of food. Their makeup is done, hair is done, and their nails are painted. Their lip gloss is fresh and smiles sneer. Something about our energy transfer isn’t quite right. But we can’t win them all, right?
I prepared dinner for Todd and I tonight before we went on a date to a movie. I say prepare, because I didn’t actually cook it. I need time to prepare. I need time to think and create a good meal. I get too frazzled with I am trying to do it last minute. I didn’t necessarily not have enough time to cook something, but everything in the cooked section at Harmon’s was just what I wanted to make! And more! Instead I beef, I said, “Fuck the beef! I’m goin with the grilled salmon.”
I lied to him anyway and told him I made the crunchy chicken salad and the baked cubed potatoes with oregano peppered over them. I told him though that I bought the salmon, cause, let’s face it, I don’t even know how to grill a pineapple. That’s not to say I wouldn’t know what to do, I’ve just never done it before.

I didn’t get the job at Sally’s today. I thought for sure I would get it being Bellamy’s friend. I would have got the job if I could work Sundays. I could always change my Clinic shift if I needed to. Sometimes that’s what you have to do in life. Move things around.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I think we just got the moral of the story!
Life is about moving things around.
Change.

 

And as a breed of the American society, I am inconvenienced by change just as much as the next person. Admittedly, I like to have just a little bit more time with my current state of lifestyle at times. It’s always when things just get going perfect in your realm of reality that change comes upon you and embraces you with challenge.

I am not that high anymore, and realizing I definitely should have brought a sweater. This air conditioner is ballsing ass cold. At one point, when I have decided I’ve had enough of the cold air, I will leave. I just pretend the cold air isn’t real. I highly admire the Iceman on the Discovery Channel. If I could monk it out in Tibet for a couple years and control my breathing the way he controls every neurotransmitter coursing through his body.
The best thing I like to do is pretend I’m under the Sun. Soaking up the Vitamin D with the flares close enough to give me a good golden brown color. And then I like to tell myself that I’m not in fact cold, just the air is. And I know that if I focus on the sensory neurons, I can actually tell my brain that it’s not cold at all. And right now, the air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.

My goose bumps are gone.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way I feel connected to the Universe. Things seem to unravel rather quickly after I think them. I am a slow learner because I am really good at justifications, so by disregarding a situation or experience, I think it, I get it. But like I’ve been saying for years “I see it, I like it, I want it, I get it.” I just think it’s the wrong way of the expression. I think I can only juggle so many different things at once and I haven’t found myself a cap off yet. And once I cap it off or give myself a limit is when I will actually see more of the good and more of the opportunities. My problem is that I have given so much opportunity my whole life, I can’t really spot the good or bad anymore. It’s all one in the same to me. I should be able to read the two more blatantly and it does come as a disappointment that I’m not better at Compare and Contrast. I learned it enough times throughout school that I should have a more accurate callout. I guess I was sleeping that class.

It’s getting to that time where I feel like I need to leave and go back home. I think I have heard enough of the words “laptop” “Chinese” “girl” “this cost as much as her laptop” I feel like these girls are being totally snarky and annoying. The only thing I keep wondering about this particular group of people is What is the age difference here?
My coffee is almost done.
That is when I will pack everything up and leave.
I haven’t had the chance to decide how I feel about this place yet. Right now I’m not getting a very good impression, but maybe I am being the weird and quiet one. I tend to do that in public places alone. I admit gracefully, I can be somewhat of a creep. Maybe I just have that vibe, who knows.

Zai is falling asleep, that’s a good sign. Bed will be so comfortable tonight.

Speaking of bed….. it’s becoming too comfortable. I have a tendency to stay in it longer than I should. Unemployment? Slacker? Malaise? Too much pampering? I gotta stop that. Just to get myself up in the mornings, until I get a job, is to set a specific time alarm and have a to-do list to do each day.

Oh my god!

I have been thinking of challenges to do for a new thirty day challenge, and I believe I have just found it.

Hello new 30-day Challenge. Waking up at the same time everyday. Next mission: get the specifics. I will document the challenge throughout. Hopefully this will clear up some of the static that’s been in my head.

 

 

Readyyyyyyyyyyyy, BREAK!

Hi again,

It’s one of those nights. Those nights to let it all go.
After a long day of thinking about my actions and life choices and seeing how they have come to effect my life now, I’m wiped out. Everyday, you do something, anything, and it moves you one step closer or one step further away from where you want to be.

Our problem is that we rarely stop to assess. Some of us have more awareness. Some of us truly believe we are aware people, and sometimes come to surprise even our self in the observations we have.

Let’s begin:

I haven’t been onto my website in a long, long time.
The worst part is, I have had so many great ideas on what to write about.
I used to just stop and write it out on my WordPress app on my phone, but now I am finding that I’m becoming more and more lazy about it. I am thinking about the idea of writing out a giant, long, detailed blog for so long that I actually end up getting overwhelmed and deciding to leave it alone completely, claiming that “I will just remember this topic and write it down when I get home.”
Really?
Who am I kidding?
I won’t remember. And even if I did, I wouldn’t do it.I’ve been exhausted for months.I have been living with two female roommates since the end of January, in downtown Salt Lake. It was fun for the most part. 

  • I got a dog at eight weeks old and have been juggling being with her, training her, playing with her – all things Zai.
  • I have been working a job that became more and more dissatisfying every day I went in for another shift.
  • I am going to a school where, besides my dog, is the only thing that keeps me sane all the time.
  • I have been in a six month relationship and have gone through the ups & down, in the end, enjoying every minute of it. I’m in love. I love another person’s soul. And I have loved his soul longer than I have loved him.

After all, isn’t that how I should feel about my other half? We connected on ways we’ve never connected with other people before.

And with Zai… I have never communicated with any animal the way I communicate with her. I think people forget to realize, more or less of the time, how much animals can understand. If you give them a chance, they will understand you. It’s a wonderful thing, mammal communication.

I quit my job yesterday. All the time we hear or read, on blog and motivational pieces, encouraging you to quit your job and take the risk of doing what makes you happy. And it really is great advice, except for the fact that sometimes, certain people are just sillier than others and quit without a) having a concrete backup and b) stacking those racks and really preparing for the time spent off track.
Oops! But what can you do? You can use that unpreparedness to your advantage and boost your motivation to fulfill a position that fits your current lifestyle exactly how you see fit.

I’ve taken my hiatus from blogging and reading, unexpectedly. It’s driven me nuts, and all along I have recognized the feeling of unbalanced energy in my life. I have to hit my forehead, bringing me back to reality, quite frequently, saying to myself, “Of course this is what’s missing! Why am I holding back? Why am I not writing? Why am I not engaging in the passion that drives my soul?”

 

Excuses.

It doesn’t make me a phony in how I carry myself, in any sense, however I have come to the comfortable realization that sometimes when you grow and progress so quickly in so many different ways, you forget about your foundation.
“forgetting where you came from phase.

It doesn’t make your person any better or worse, it just leads your core in a tornado across your entire thought process. It can be overwhelming or stressful and not only until you bring yourself back to center and remember where you are, how you got there, and where you want to be; will you make the necessary changes to pick up, regroup, and move forward in the best sane matter you know possible.

It’s not about doing it like anybody else, it’s about doing it the best way you know possible for the moment until you find the next big thing that will encourage, drive, and push you into the limits you never knew were available at hand.

That’s when the universe answers your call and decides you’re ready for the next big thing.

 

 

 

Dear Universe,
I don’t know if you know me as well as I know you. But I get you.
And I’m ready for you.

Yours Truly,
Z.

 

I pay my respects out of respect.

The moral of Thanksgiving

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Happy Thanksgiving, all!
I hope today is utterly enlightening and special for everyone and you all have a safe and happy day with your loved ones.

If you’re like me, you have both received and given phone calls and text messages to family and friends and expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life. Expressing your love and the hotness they bring, the laughter and memories you have shared.

Today is the day to be as cheesy and happy as we want to be.

Whether you celebrate the importance of getting together around the table today, we cannot help but think about all the things that we are grateful for. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

 

 

Until April of 2011, I was missing something in my life. I was having a lot of fun, started in school, working and supporting myself…. But I still felt empty inside. Something was definitely missing and it took me a long time (twenty years) to figure out what it was.

Although I was happy and smiling and laughing everyday, I couldn’t shake the sadness growing inside of me. I had suppressed the feeling for so many years, through so many situations, that it finally made its way out, luckily, in the comforts of my own house.

I stepped through my front door, saying goodnight to my friends, and just broke down unexpectedly the minute I knew I was alone. My wart was hurting, and I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears were forcing their way out. Up until that point, I hadn’t cried in a long, long time.
it was long overdue.

I cried for my losses, life changes, fear,band accomplishments. I talked to God for a long time. Hours. I laid in my bed and just talked, letting everything out.

I found forgiveness.
I found gracefulness.

Once I got done shedding my emotions and draining myself of energy and tears, I took to reading some blogs. It’s the only thing, to this day, that puts me at ease.

I read a blog that challenged me to start a What I’m Thankful For journal. The idea was to write just five things every day of what I am thankful for.

My first day I couldn’t think of much. Perhaps I didn’t know how in depth it had to be. Perhaps I didn’t know how superficial it could be. Perhaps I was scared I was too selfish to ever do more than five.

But I started it that night. I was all out of options. I was desperate to feel something. anything.

My first night I wrote only three things.
My second night I got to five.
And for the next twenty-eight days, and my list made its way down to a hundred things I was grateful for, my true happiness started to merge. That itch of guilt, shame, depression, and anger was defeated and thrown into the Earth.

Bella and Lola came and we saved ourselves. We cleansed ourselves and our environment. They were the support I needed at that time.

 

That thirty day challenge saved my life and my sanity.

Not a day goes by that I don’t give thanks. I give thanks at the beginning of my morning, throughout the day,band before I go into REM. It’s become so natural to me and my life has changed dramatically because of it.

I’m accepting, understanding, compassionate, and enlightened. Among many other characteristics I have developed- I am most of all, happy.

When my teachers asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, kids, every year would write the job they wanted or intended to have. I always wrote happy. Nobody ever understood. But I’ve made it.

I’m growing up and I’m happy.

 

So today, I invite you to the 30 day Challenge that changed my life, in pure hopes it gives you also what you are looking for.

For the next thirty days, I challenge you to keeps journal or something tangible to put words in – and write down five things a day of what you are grateful for.

Thanksgiving is a great day to realize what we are thankful for, however, I believe it shouldn’t be just one day a year that we express it. It should be daily.

You don’t have to end with a hundred things, but I encourage you to write down everything and anything you are grateful for. From shoes to clean water to coats to cars to gas – whatever/whoever it is that has made your life better – acknowledge it. Love it. Grow with it.

Namastè.

“You’re Weird.”

Why do people have to call other people weird? Why do people have to insult other people by calling then lame or uncool?

Is that even a real trait to have? Or are the insulted the ones who are really afraid to go outside of the box and experience a new person? A new personality?

Everybody is different. People can be extremely similar and still be completely different and yet the one thing that stops us from separating ourselves from everyone else are differences.

It’s 2012 and people everyday still practice discrimination in one way or another. Whether it be by appearance or small characteristics, there’s always something that stops us from opening ourselves up to others.

It’s our fault we don’t have a good time in unknown situations.

We get preconceived notions of a situation before it happens ad sub consciously stop ourselves from smiling, probing, and cheering with new people.

because they are different from us.

Who are we to decide who is weird and who isn’t?

It’s not about who is “weird”, who is “a freak”, who is “normal” – its about who relates the most to us. Who we have the most in common with.

So why do we feel the need to act more profound than others? Why is it so crucial that we lift ourselves up in order to get ourselves a better sense of self?

Why can’t we all just get along?

Could you imagine how much better off the World would be if we celebrated each other’s differences?

Of course, this argument has been going on longer than I’ve been alive.

It’s human nature to be different and to associate with those closest to you.
It’s perfectly reasonable to leave a group with you realize there are more differences than similarities. We are naturally bonded to those who share interests, goals, and lifestyles with us and by no means should we have to forfeit that freedom.

If we didn’t have differences, we wouldn’t have wars followed by peace, debates and controversial discussions. Without differences, we wouldn’t have conversations, questions, and feedback. Differences give us the opportunity to teach others, express ourselves, and journey to something greater.

 

I know if someone looks at me while I am texting, writing, or listening to music, I am making all kinds of facial expressions. It’s something natural I do, because I can’t hold still when greatness is going on in my noggin. I hum when I am eating delicious food – it’s my compliment to the person(s) who made it. I also sing a lot of my words and use different accents when I speak.

So does that make me weird? Does that paint a label on my forehead as “FREAK”?

or does that make me different?

It’s what makes me, ME. It’s my personal touch to my own flavor. My own beat. My own dance. My characteristics, interests, lifestyle, choices, thoughts, feelings, questions, fashion choice, personality traits – NONE OF IT – will ever be one hundred percent the same as someone else. But that doesn’t stop me from upholding a conversation with a stranger.

 

I CHALLENGE YOU, TODAY!

I challenge you, to go out and replace every negative preconceived notion you have of someone else, and replace it with a genuine, positive thought about them.

When we go around labeling people and situations as “weird” and “dumb”, we are giving off our label as holding onto negative feelings.

In a World where eastern medicine, energy work, and burning sage is becoming more and more popular, people are starting to cut the negativity out of their lives in every form they can. Hey, we need all the help we can get. 

Push your comfort zone further. Connect with people. Explore differences.

CELEBRATE “WEIRDNESS” EVERYWHERE. 

It’s All About the Benjamins, Baby.

Money makes the world go round.
Money is in our daily lives, we spend it everyday, we worry about it, we celebrate it.

Everybody wants to make a lot of money.

But what happens when you realize money isn’t everything?

Freedom happens.
Worries lessen.
Relationships bond.

I currently work two jobs and go to school four nights a week.

My life consists of going to work at 6am and leaving there at 11am to commute to my second job. I stay there until six o’clock and immediately leave from there to go to school until 10:30 at night.

I ride my bike to trax and by the time I get home, unpack my day from my backpack, wash my face and shower and get in bed, it’s about… Midnight.

Sometimes I see my best friend after school and when that happens I don’t get to sleep until one in the morning.

That gives me three hours and fifteen minutes of sleep before I wake up at 4:15am and do it all over again.

I’m drained.

I have no more free time to myself. I’ve been stuck on a book for two weeks too long and I am having more troubles posting blogs. I’m constantly moving in the city or catching up on sleep.

All I have been able to think about is money. I need this job for my sanity, I need that job to get paid. I need money for the show, I need money to buy winter gear, I need money, money, money, money, money, money, money.

But I have to ask myself daily, “Is me getting paid worth it if I am just losing it?”
probably not.

So today, I quit my second job. I have replaced beautiful and sunny afternoons filled with friends, coffee, books, bike rides, and laughter – for an afternoon of hot, suffocating sun blaring straight in my line of sight with three managers who pick on me, treat me like a slave, and threaten my job because I feel the need to see a doctor. I have negativity talking passed me as they walk by. It’s something I don’t have the tolerance to surround myself with.

Sometimes, making a lot of money isn’t worth it if you lose yourself in the process.

Today, I have a piece of my happiness back. I have a piece of my freedom. I have my hobbies, my interests, and my passions to indulge in. I have more time to clean, think, laugh, joke, and be myself. I have more time to discover who I am and the path I lead. I have more time for homework and shopping and cooking with my best friend.

Today, I get my life back. Because I know money can’t tie me down. Money isn’t bribe-worthy in this case. Money doesn’t own me.

 

 

Are you stuck in a rut? Are you unsatisfied with the way your job or career is going? Are you telling yourself it needs to change? How long will you wait before you do it? 

If what you have, isn’t making you happy, I encourage you to use this moment NOW to make your dreams a reality.

Today Is the Day!

What are you waiting for?

“Today is the oldest you have ever been and the youngest you will ever be again.”

I just read that from Marc and Angels blog about twelve negative thinking errors that hold you back. This is one quote that stuck out to me.

Life is too short and goes by waaaay too fast for us to keep sitting around and making up excuses as to why we’re not doing the things we say we want to do. We always say there is tomorrow, but what if tomorrow never comes?

The problem with procrastination (for anything) is that we have no solid guarantee of today.

“Oh we’ll, there is always tomorrow.”

“Well, I suppose it’s not that big of a deal if I don’t get this done right now.”

The God honest truth is that the more time we spend thinking about something, the less likely we are to do it.

Well guys, the ugly truth is: thinking about something will not get it done.
“But I’m waiting until everything is just perfect.”

No! Stop waiting!
If we waited until everything is perfect than we may as well never do anything, because perfection isn’t real.

What is perfect anyway? If perfection was real and it was attainable, we would easily be able to reach it (for those of us who wanted to, and…. who wouldn’t?) Within reaching the said “perfection”, we would all be the same. And if we were all the same, we would all be eating at Taco Bell.
Booooring…….

Perfection is overrated.

So don’t wait until you are perfect to try and accomplish something.
That will never come.

Now here’s my secret. For as long as I can remember, I have procrastinated on doing something because of my fear of the unknown. What if I’m not good enough? What if I ruin it? What if it makes no sense? What if nobody else likes it? I will start it when I get better at it, practicing first. Hell, I have always been good at making excuses for not starting (or finishing) a project or hobby. And I was comfortable about it. It didn’t strike me as bad that I was just doing the bare minimum. I never had an urge to care. I didn’t bother me that I wasn’t doing something progressive, because in my mind, I needed it to be perfect before I could start. I wanted to be the one who was just good at everything, all the time.

Well, that kind of dreaming didn’t take me very far.

The only thing I ever kept up with was writing in my diary. I wrote (and still write) in my diary, every single day. Writing takes up a big majority of my life. I failed in working out because I wanted to just be perfectly tiny already. I failed in sports because I just wasn’t as good as I wanted to be. I failed in gymnastics because my sister quit and I didn’t want to do it alone. Swimming – I couldn’t trust my body to float. Piano – I couldn’t read music easily.
Whatever it was, I quit before I gave myself enough time to practice. I have repeatedly underestimated the power of my brain and skills.

I would think about, what if I did become good? How would it change my life? What if I ended up hating it? Would I feel as if it were all a waste of time?

So many effing questions that seemed so important, now a mere chuckle when I think of them. Now, looking back on my life, I wish I had followed through with all the habits and activities I tried to start many years ago. Where it would it have taken me? I have no idea! But that doesn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that doing them made me happy. It broadened my horizons, taught me teamwork and how to put in real effort. It taught me selflessness and integrity. You can learn and grow from your habits, passions, and daily activities if you want to.

The bottom line: I was just lazy.

So one day, quite literally actually, I woke up and after having my first digressing thought, I yelled in my head, “No! Fuck that! I’m not letting this happen anymore!” And you better believe, from that moment, I did everything I said I would do. I finished projects, got in the shape that was right for me, discovered a love for yoga, finished book after book, and started making dreams happen!

Letting laziness, procrastination, or the fear of the unknown stop you from doing what you really want to do is not the best excuse. I know you can do better than that. Because I would make up so many excuses, it’s natural for me to smell an excuse a mile away. And if you let yourself become so acquainted with them, it will bring you down.

Who cares if it takes you one whole session of martial arts just to learn stretches? So you only lost three pounds this month, is that horrible compared to losing none?

Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was the Great Wall of China.
Everything good and legendary in life takes time.


Photo Credit: Larry for BeckerBiz

So I ask again, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Go learn about the new interest you have! Progress! Improve! Push yourself to be the best you want to be! It’s up to you and no one else. If there’s no sacrifice to be made, then there’s no gain. No pain, no gain. Ya mean? You have the means, now just get the drive.

It’s a lot easier than you think. A lot more rewarding than you expect. And a lot more fulfilling than you will ever know.

So whatever it is you want to do, START TODAY.
Because it you wait now, you will wait forever.

Remembering What You Have

We have all been there. Some more than others. We are introduced to something new and suddenly everything about our genuinity and standards fly out the window!

What the hell is that about?

Sometimes going from our crappy studio apartment to a week in the Bahamas, staying at an all inclusive can give us a big head. The great part about vacationing is you can really be anyone you want. You can blow your spending money on whatever you want. You can finally let loose, get drunk, go wild and crazy, and dance with that hot foreigner who’s staying at your same hotel. Vacations are amazing!

But sometimes, ending a vacation is easier than ending the vacation mindset. We bring the attitude back in our carry-ons. We go home and demand more, ask less. We get into the habit of talking about ourselves more, as if the people we’re around everyday really want to hear our life story – again.

It’s natural to want to keep the vacations going. When we go on more, the dream of another one never goes away. In fact, sometimes we dream of vacations and “a better life” so often, we let our real life go by in a total blur. We dont realize how great our current life is. How much we love cleaning our place up, or working out for two hours at the gym, or cleaning up after the kids. We go through the motions and neglect the people, things, and activities we care about most.

Always dreaming of something more stops us from enjoying the moments we currently live in. We forget to make our moments special. Thinking only a vacation can give that to us.

Well, if you have been guilty in those thinking traps, you’re not alone. It’s a common phase we all go through once or twice.

So in those moments of loss, remember some of these helpful tools that even I live by:

1. Taking Time To Be Grateful
Every morning when I am sitting at the trax station, waiting for the train, I spend the 15-20 minutes usually expressing what in my life I am grateful for. Sure, I wish a lot of times I was back in China. Yeah, I would love to up and move to NYC or Seattle. Go live in South America just to learn the language. I want these things so badly that sometimes I can lose sight of what I already have. So I give thanks. I thank God everyday that I have a chance to live with my mom for the time being to really solidify our relationship. I thank God for all the blessings, friends, experiences, jobs, and wisdom life has given me. I am grateful to grow up and live where I do, because I truly think there is no better place.
Once you start giving thanks for what you do have, versus what you don’t have, you will see life in a new way.

2. Pretending You’re On A Vacation
Now I know this one may come off a little weird. Sometime about a year ago, I read a blog from marcandangel.com about ways to be happier. Number 19 on that list was to pretend you are in a different place. So sometimes, as I ride my bike, I look at the environment as if I had never been there before. Not that I purposely get lost, but I pretend like I am getting to know a new city. The beauty of somewhere different. For example, a lot of the times, I imagine I am in London. The days we have a beautiful cloudy sky, the mornings with fresh Snow….. I do pretend I am across seas. Not only am I openly happier about each situation that comes up, but I am more inclined to build rapport with strangers and am able to make their day as well (or vise versa). Making yourself happy and being able to make someone else happy, is one of the greatest feelings I believe a person can get.

3. Evaluating Self-Progression
As we have all heard – we are where we are today because of our choices. With every action is an equal and opposite reaction. What goes around comes around. What you put in, you get in return. There are hundreds of different ways to say it, but point blank – Whatever successes or failures we have this very moment is because of what we have decided to do. President Obama didn’t sleep his way to the White House. The RZA didn’t just build one of the greatest, most influential rap groups in history just by chance. And Michelangelo didn’t make a masterpiece in one night.  They worked their asses off to get to where they wanted to go. If they weren’t progressing or if they felt stuck in life, they took a step back and calculated every action up until that point. They thought about what was working, what was the worse of the two decisions, and what they could do differently to keep climbing that mountain.

So if you notice that you are routinely doing the same things everyday, while your mind is dreaming up new and exciting things – experiences and goals you want to work on and explore – you need to take a seat, maybe get out a pen and paper and write down all the things you are doing now. With another column down the same paper, make a list of all the things you want to start doing. With your last column, maybe on the bottom part of the paper, between the top two, make a list of how you are going to make it happen. You need to decide which things aren’t exactly time beneficial, such as 3 hour naps a day, 2 hours of TV time, 2 hours of mindless internet gazing. What are you doing now in the day, that you could replace with something productive? Something that will allow you be the better and more successful person you can be?

Remember: Wishing won’t accomplish your goals. Dreaming won’t make your success real.

Working hard and putting in 100% effort will bring you everything you want out of life. No matter what it is you are doing.

4. Taking the Focus Off Of Yourself
Naturally, for most human beings, we are our favorite subject to talk about. But the minute you start asking questions and taking the attention off yourself, the more you learn about other people, other places, and other things. Your imagine grows. Your conversational skills advance. You grow more trust in people and in turn, people pay more attention to you. You start coming together to make things happen. You build lasting friendships and fantastic first impressions. We are not the most important thing on this Earth.

5. “It Could Always Be Worse”
Enough beating around the bush…. STOP COMPLAINING!! Whether it’s the co-workers who make you want to pull your hair out, or the gossip that goes on in school, or the fact that “Oh my God did you see who Travis came to Monica’s party with?” or even the traffic that takes 30 extra minutes because of a highway accident…. whatever you are complaining about, STOP IT NOW!!! Think about it this way, You should feel lucky that you even have a job. You can make the decision to ignore gossip. And who cares who Travis is with? If he is gonna play you, gurrrrl, you are better off being single. So you have a longer commute to work, so what? That gives you more time to double check if you are on the up and up, listen to that kick-ass new song on the radio (or any music source you have set up), or drink your coffee.

Whatever is going on in your life that you feel makes it sooooo horrible, just remember that somewhere – millions of people are unemployed. Some people don’t have cars. Some people don’t have food or houses or shoes. Some kids will never get the chance to go to school. Some kids never see the light of day where they have friends.  A lot of people in this world live an unfortunate life that we can’t even fathom. Sometimes in China, their streets are actually covered in mud and sewage. That’s right. You walk in poop. Feel lucky you can flush toilet paper down the toilet. Be grateful you have a dryer and a stove, because some places, don’t provide those in their countries.

Whatever problems you’re facing in your life, don’t ever forget that things could always be worse. That could be you in the car accident on the highway. Would you be mad then? Would you wish you could stand up and shout to the other cars slowly going by “I’m sorry for the hold up but I just went through my own winshield!”? I know I would.

 

 

One of the best pieces of advice I received was both from my mom and close friend Wang Dong Mei. They told me, “Ashlyn, before you take any action, on whatever it is, think, think, re-think, and think again.” Only after that was when I could take action, if I still believed in my heart of hearts it was the right one. When I do these five things, I fully enjoy my life more. I don’t need the world anymore, because I have the most important people and things around me. I have the relationships I have always dreamed about. I complete the goals I want to complete. I take fault for my actions. I own up to my life and realize that even though I am not rich or have a trust fund or that I can’t afford all the name brand I want to, I still live a pretty kick ass life, and no material item or all inclusive hotel that top that. Those are just bonuses. Because we can’t take the beauty with us when we go. We can’t take anything. So enjoy it while you can and remember what you have.

Reaching Perfection

My mom built a new house in the Springtime of this year. Given that it’s still under warranty, she can have anything replaced for free until next April. So two weeks ago, she had some construction workers come over to patch up a few things around the house.

In the kitchen, there is a small bubble my mom pointed out on the front wall towards the ceiling. It’s the same color as the paint on the walls so in all honesty, nobody could notice. My mom noticed and that’s what bothered her. She would point it out to everybody who came over when she would tour them through the house. What she doesn’t accept, is the fact that if she never pointed it out, not one person would have ever noticed the bubble on the wall.

So, she got it fixed and now there is a definitely noticeable, big, white spot of plaster on the wall, in replace of the invisible bubble.

So it makes me think about life in general. Why is it that we feel the need to change the smallest things, thinking it will reach perfection? What is perfection for that matter? If we never put our imperfections on blast, how many people would really notice? And even if they did, how many would think of it as an imperfection or as individuality?

Striving for perfection will almost always backfire to your advantage. How many times have you tried to fix something and in the end it turns out worse than it was before? This also happened to me as of yesterday. I had very different and apparent tan lines, so on Sunday, I went into a tanning bed…. at two different tanning salons. I know.. horrible mistake, right? I always knew why you shouldn’t do it. I know I was just begging for what came next. But I was desperate. Today I am in a lot of pain. It’s hard for me to move, because I am burnt in the most inconvenient places. I am peeling, which wouldn’t be so bad if it were just peeling. However, underneath the peeling (which is coming off by the chunks), is bright red, brand new skin. Kind of like that gooey, slippery feel as if you just intended to give yourself a 2nd degree burn.
Now, I don’t think my burn was quite a second degree, but it’s definitely worse than if I just didn’t go tanning at all. Or I just went to one tanning salon. I have not only learned my lesson, but I also learned that people and things will never be perfect.

Perfection is not real.

When we try to reach perfection, we’re taking away a small part of our happiness due to instant gratification. We want something that instant, we forget about the process, the recovery, the tools needed, and the unexpected things in the future.

Getting cosmetic, unnecessary surgeries, surrounding yourself with materialistic and unimportant items just to prove to people that you have something, not asking for help when we need it… we do so many things (sub consciously or not) to try and get to that peak. That nonexistent mountain peak where we will feel beautiful and powerful in one way or another once we reach it. But the secret is that we will all die reaching it.

The more we get plastic surgery, the less we become ourselves. The more material items we buy, the less original and down to earth we become. We would no longer buy things that actually mean something to us or our personal style, we would be buying to “keep up with the Jones'” or just to impress people. And why should we have to spend money to impress other people? If they like you for your things or your money, they will never care about you. Just about what you have.

Life is not about how perfect we can be. Life isn’t about competition of who has the better things, environment, or resources.

Life is about sharing. Sharing friends, family, memories, photos, videos, experiences. Life is about giving. Giving to those in need, giving food to the hungry, giving a coat to someone who is cold, giving someone a trax ticket that has yet to expire when you are done with it. Life is about helping. Helping people who need it, helping your parents clean the house, helping to keep the streets cleaner by putting garbage in the bin – even if it’s not yours. Helping a child reach something on a high shelf.

Nobody cares about what you have physically. When we die, we will not be remembered for the things we had, the things we wore, or the car we drove (for those that drive a car). People will remember us for the good times we had with them, the ideas shared, the knowledge shared, the times that we acted like friends. Like family. The times you make mistakes together, make messes that take days to clean up. The times you accidentally put something red in a load of whites and your laundry all turns pink. When you try new recipes together. The times you forget not everybody is in the car and you start to drive off and suddenly realize a block away you are missing a person.

Imperfection is the secret to perfection.

It makes life exciting and more valuable. It makes us who we are as creative individuals. That’s what makes us important. That’s what makes us loved. There is no reason to chase perfection, because perfection is predictable and boring.
How do you want to be remembered?