The Bigger Picture

Whose Hurry Is More Important?

To get to my home, there is a light you must go through from under a freeway bridge, where the two lanes merge into one as it takes you through the dark and narrow windy road.

I was on that road tonight, coming to the bridge where I knew the light would be green, as it always is at night. Among the two lanes, I was in the left lane and the van in front of me was going slow enough, I could have passed it from the right lane if I wanted to, barely cutting it close to the merging part of the lane….

Instead, I took my foot off the gas pedal and chose to stay behind the van. After all, passing them would only save me, what? One entire minute out of the ten minutes I had left of my journey?

It got me asking myself, “Am I really in that big of a hurry? How does everybody’s hurry compare to the next person’s rush? Who actually has the bigger rush and what are we willing to sacrifice just to get somewhere we all have to be?”


photo credit: Susan Henderson

Physiologically, the act of rushing ourselves increases our stress levels and dilates our blood vessels, which puts us into sensory overload, giving us the ‘Fight or Flight’ syndrome. With that much adrenaline in that short amount of time, our thoughts become irrational and our mood plummets entirely and we enter a state of selfish, primal instinct. That kind of mindset, if you are in a car, can put somebody in severe danger if you aren’t the kind of person who handles stress or impatience well. Are you willing to sacrifice that person’s life as well as yours by causing a car accident because you’re going way over the speed limit and driving recklessly?

Are you in such a hurry to get out of the coffee shop or the gas station to beat the morning traffic that you can’t seem to pause for the extra five seconds to hold the door open for someone else coming in or out?

Do you notice how sometimes, the more you are stressed about making it to your destination “with just not enough time” actually causes more roadblocks in your way? At this point, you must ask yourself, “Is my stress about being in a hurry going to get me to my destination safely and any faster than I would be getting there even if I was calm and possibly still in a hurry?”

If you don’t want to be in a hurry – get your day started earlier. It’s that simple.
And if you’re going to be in a hurry – don’t try, but do cultivate a sense of patience and put it to use. If you don’t want to get up any earlier and you want to always leave at the same time, and you’ve accepted the fact that maybe you’re just comfortable being in a hurry – then why are you still letting it stress you out to the point of dangerous, threatening, irrational, and illogical anger?
Wouldn’t you be your better self if you just accepted the fact that you are going to be in a hurry and make the journey fun for yourself anyway?

I sing loudly and dance freely in my car to my radio. Yeah, I’m that guy”. I think I am THE American Idol when I am driving. I used to have massive road rage and cuss up a storm when I would hit traffic and road blocks, but I find the more I accept that the World will be the World, I turn my radio up and I sing my heart out and I allow myself to laugh – at anything. If I get frustrated, I laugh at how ridiculous it is if I let myself get upset over something I can’t control, which is actually pretty funny if you think about it. Are you actually getting upset due to something personally affecting your emotions on a deep level or are you just upset because you can’t control the way you’re reacting to the events outside of your own life and reality?

My suggestion: figure out what works best for you and start doing it immediately. And the next time you are in a hurry to get somewhere; determine the length of your rush and how much more important it is than everyone else’s. Then ask yourself how many other people around you at the moment in time are probably in their own form of hurry also. Do you think your rush is more important than theirs? Do they think their rush is more important than yours?

The best part of this all, is when you take a big deep breath and succumb to the realization that nobody’s rush is more important than anyone else’s, you will exhale and understand you’re not really in a hurry at all. You will get to wherever you have to be when you get there. And if you have a feeling you may be in rush the next morning, you’ll develop a deep love for morning sunrises.

Goodnight y’all.

The Windy Road of Dreams and Obtainment of Accomplishments

We all want what we don’t have. We hunger over something for so long, but once we obtain the treasure, the chase is over and our eyes are fixated on something new.

Being able to appreciate what you have without desiring what’s on the other side of the fence is something that most people can’t do for too long after they’ve fought so hard to get what it is they wanted in the first place.

Most of us self sabotage ourselves out of fear and denial of bad habits we refuse to fix; thinking neither of those are a component to dream chasing. We hear from family and friends, “You can do anything you want,” in one sentence and the next moment they are telling us, “That is far-fetched. You won’t be able to get there, but you can still be successful. Why don’t you just do x, y, and z?”

  

WHY CAN’T WE DO ANYTHING WE DREAM?
WHY CAN’T WE HAVE WHATEVER WE WANT?

Why are we unable to become a traveling nutritionist for a rock band or do surf yoga with Beyonce or become a worldwide published writer with our book written in 20 languages? Who said that we are forbidden from ever obtaining a million dollars or a pony or going into an ocean plunge full of feeding sharks in a steel tank?

People who are afraid of their own dreams – THAT’S who said we can’t. People who doubt their own abilities have a certain level of incapability to believe in other people. The ones who never tried everything possible to obtain their dream are the same ones telling you whatever it is you want is “too much work”. Unfortunately, they are the broken spirits who allowed themselves to believe the opinions of others that they would only get so far before they’d have to just ‘be happy’ with a settling plateau.

So, why bother?

You should be asking yourself, WHY NOT BOTHER? If someone out there is doing what you want to do then clearly, it’s obtainable. If you sold lemonade as a kid, then you already know you can produce a product and sell it to the public. If you have kept a diary your whole life and love to write, then you already know you have the ability to publish your writing. If you have taken pictures that people oogle at on social media and your photo albums, then you already know you can make art and show it to the World.

We have already done thousands, if not millions, of little things everyday that prove we have what it takes turn any dream, as tiny or far-fetched as we want, into reality.

Your first clue should be this: “I doubt I can make any money doing that” or “I doubt anyone would use this or like this or want this” or “That is so expensive, I won’t ever be able to buy/afford that” <—- those statements right there… do you see what’s happening?! When you have those thoughts, you are giving volume to the doubting mind. Your Inner Truth always knows what is real and what is fake and it’s there to help you stay on the life path you created before you were even born, believe it or not. The inspiration for the thought is really “People will love this and I am the one to create this and show it to the World” and “I can absolutely make the funds I need to in order to afford x, y, and z. It will take time and I have the patience for it. It is already mine and I’m just making room in my life so when it arrives, it will be perfect.”

We are just silly humans who make everything much more complicated than it needs to be and have made an evolutionary bad habit of creating our own disappointments and then exercising our audacity, pointing the finger as to why we haven’t made it to where we want to be or have the things we want in life. 

You must always believe you will get what you want, and furthermore, you must recognize the goodness that has been laid in your lap when you receive it.  

  

You have come this far and had one image on your mind to fuel your fire, push you through darkness and haul you across valleys and over mountains so you could make that image become reality. All the while, you have proclaimed your love for it, your need for it, and your starvation without it. You have made it known that this is what completes you and makes you a whole. That moment comes where you obtain what you’ve been striving to get for so long. And suddenly…. you feel unsatisfied. You’re left feeling hungry for more.

It’s natural for us to keep wanting more, however the problem with this is when the process isn’t done in gradual patient steps, we start to resent the things we do have. We forget why we wanted the original thing all along! We begin to feel suffocated and irritated and bored to exhaustion just from looking at them. Whether it’s people, cars, furniture, or gadgets, we break our backs to get what we want and rarely have it long enough to fall in love with it.

You can’t truly appreciate success until you’ve hit the rock bottom in your financial world and you can’t truly appreciate good love until you’ve had heartbreak. You must truly appreciate what you have and cherish it for everything it is and everything it’s not, because if you disregard it all together, it will be taken from you one way or another. The Universe is a power not to be undermined in its ability to give and take gifts of our mortal desires.

“I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” 

-W.C. Henley

 

Regaining my life in new territory.

I was becoming exhausted just being in my own body. Another suffering cause was the fact that I hadn’t been giving attention to my hobbies due to the change in my life. Moving here had turned my world upside down. I started to feel suffocated in my own house, trapped by my chores, agonizing over the memories I missed so much from back home. It was tearing me apart. I looked at myself like a quitter. Giving up on my routine and my hobbies of gardening, belly dancing, kundalini yoga sessions, dog parks, making a big breakfast every morning, going to crystal shops, hiking, going to church, etc. I had stopped doing it because I didn’t know where any such places were. I was accepting the fact that the Towne Park a mile away was enough to suffice, because the few dog parks Danny and I did check out, the dogs were all aggressive. Giving up on hiking, realizing that this isn’t Utah, this is the woods. Giving up on gardening because I no longer had a yard to do it in and overestimated the cost for indoor plants. Giving up on yoga because the classes here were just so expensive. I had succumbed to my own mental prison and wide range of excuses. Work and dog walks is all I will be doing here,  I thought, trying to hold back my tears. I just kept breathing and praying for something to change. Please, anything to get me back to a state of well-being, I begged. When you stop doing what you love, you stop being the person you are and you allow yourself to lose your spirit, it not only affects yourself, but everyone around you. I started feeling sad, depressed, and irritable, out of the unhappiness I had felt within myself.

On a day like many others, I was cleaning our house and sleeping the floors and organizing the DVDs on the shelf and that’s when I saw it: The yoga DVD I had bought at a pawn shop last Autumn! I stared in disbelief as tears of relief swelled up in my eyes. It was when I stopped looking so hard and so desperately, that it came to me at the right time. The next day, I met a neighbor who lives 1,000 feet away from me. Cristyn’s dog is the same breed as Zai and six months older. They run, they play, and I had found comfort in someone with a very similar lifestyle to my own. A holistic yoga instructor with a Masters in Sports Psyche raised by a homeopathic, animal loving massage therapist. My soul was fed. The bond was cemented and a friendship was born.

One week after that, I go across the street to get Danny some slices of pizza to have ready for his return after a 12 hour day of work. The same manager who was working is the same fellow with whom Danny and I are acquainted with there. Making small talk with Kade, I tell him about the beach in Stamford and he recommends a secluded and quiet beach in Norwalk for me to try. I say, it’s expensive, but I’m sure one day on a special occasion, it will be perfect. He knows Zai, and throws in a few other recommendations. Stone Hill Road, off route 137 and 124 has a dog park that is a wooded trail. It’s quiet and in nature. There are creeks and it’s off leash, he says. And as an added bonus, tells me about Ward Pound Ridge Reservation, not even 10 minutes from my house! It’s a 5,000 acre piece of land where people take their dogs, horses, and go just to enjoy nature. Sometimes there are workout classes there or meditation classes. You can even go camping! Lakes and ponds everywhere. Lots and lots of hiking too. Maybe not like in Utah, but you can certainly venture there, he adds.

My salvation was returning and my depression was diminishing. 

I have accepted the fact, that I may not find a belly dancing class here for a while, but why should that stop me from belly dancing in the comfort of my own home? The same day I went to the Stone Hill Road dog park is the same day I stopped at the library and got a library card. One week ago, Danny bought me house plant. I am not just gardening again, but building upon my happiness that is growing and connecting to Earthly life inside the comfort of a home that has no outside options.

I have met four neighborhood dogs, with amazing owners who I now walk with everyday and our dogs play together. Amazing women of all ages.

My spirits are up and my mood swings are down. My happiness is much and my depression, very little. I have a hunger to do things now. I clung to Danny when I had nothing of my own and it had put a strain and pressure on our relationship that neither of us could escape. I was dependent on him to give me what my hobbies had given me. I didn’t know who was happier when these past few weeks have filled my life with my answered prayers! The strain has been lifted. Being with each other is a choice everyday that we make and it’s enjoyable to make it now. I no longer feel guilty for clinging to him for comfort and a way to be alive. He’s happy for me that I have regained my own life I once had. The life that he loved seeing me have, a free woman who flies by what drives her and interests that she puts her heart into, he says. That’s what made his eyes unable to be taken off of me.

My days are much different now. Filled with moments of care-taking and soul work. Ego releases and breath of fires consume me as I sway around my house cooking and cleaning and running with Zai, falling onto my yoga mat and exercising until I am swimming in sweat to then relax and read whether in my home or at the beach, taking the time to paint my nails and sugar scrub my body and research and write and smile and kiss the Sun every morning that I wake, with a profound sense of fulfillment that must be worked for in life.

I am happy and I am free from my mind’s solitary imprisonment.


 

It’s hard to move to a new place and feel like you’re losing your sense of routine and then feel helpless and succumb to the overwhelming sadness that fills the void. What makes us happy is just too damn important to disregard or make ourselves believe we can live without it. No matter what it is we love, we do it for a reason. It will take a moment to make a new life in a new place and to figure out where your hobbies and craft fit into the schedule of the new environment. It will take a moment to hunt down the places you love going to and finding replacements for the ones you miss.

Moving and rearranging your schedule, routine, and timing for things when you uproot and move to a new place are inevitable. But if it’s an event you think you might ever do, it’s best to prepare for it. Unlike myself, I figured I wouldn’t have a hard time with coping. And assuming that, was my biggest error.

So, first step: Prepare (even if you end up being fine)
Consider what will be different for a bit and what will be the same. Research ahead of time, nearby places that you like to go to and map out areas you will be in a lot. Develop a sense of time that you will spend driving or doing things in your new area.

Second step: Confide in somebody you can trust and be comfortable with. Let them know if you feel like there is something missing and it’s hard for you to sort out your emotions on your own, because, sometimes it is. It’s a time where we can become confused and disoriented.

Third step: Make a plan for the future on what your days will look like at best. Fill in the blank areas with that of which you love doing. Make it realistic and make it count. Don’t wait like I did and struggle with heavy emotions and irrational thoughts. The more you prepare for, the less will surprise you if it happens and the calmer you will be in dealing with it.

You will remain happy, because you did.

 

Ditching the Daily Routine for Vacation


 

I recently got back from an eight day trip to my home-state, visiting family and friends, and watching two soccer games. It was amazing to see everyone I did, although, there is never enough time in the World to see everyone, because there is a huge list of people I still would have absolutely loved to see.

Going all around Salt Lake, laughing, seeing friends, hanging out with family, eating and making some great memories; I was lucky to have gotten the chance to run, walk, ride my bike one last time, and hike.

What I didn’t do however was: finish my plank challenge, squat circuit challenge, drink nearly enough water, read any of my book, or write in my diary once.

If it wasn’t for the cardio I did everyday, I would have completely disregarded my entire fitness and nutrition routine. There is no excuse why I didn’t write, read, or drink water.

That brings me to our topic today.
What is it about vacations that influence us to go off our routine almost entirely?



 For the majority of us, something happens to us when we start moving in the sight of vacation. Our lazy alter-ego takes over and prevails in our convincing that we don’t need to worry because we are on vacation. As if for the entire time we are away from home, our bodies won’t store a single cell of fatty tissue and our other fulfillments will take care of themselves, while we pretend like our being is on a real break from life.

That’s when it happens. We selectively forget that a good diet keeps us balanced and happy because… that brownie just looks way too good. We don’t want to pay for x amount of days at the local gym because to us, it’s just not worth it and for some reason, we don’t even consider a home workout or jogging outside. There’s more than necessary excuses as to why we can’t do a home workout other than, “I am here on vacation. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to think. I just want to relax”.

We push our routine away from us. We deny the voice inside that says, “Hey… You know you should be getting in some form of exercise right now. You know you will regret this if you don’t.”

Then we wonder why we feel like a bag of sand when we get back home to our bed. We unload our bags, put away our souvenirs and look in the mirror in disgust. “I don’t think I stopped eating the entire time.” Where does the “I’M FULL!” signal go when we forget our routine? Down with the hobbies and the email checking and appropriate water intake.


 


 Falling off my daily routine wagon confused my body, my mind, and my motivation. Only today, I started my routine again. I woke up early and got fresh and clean. I sang happy birthday to my boyfriend with candles on his favorite treat and got ready for work. I am off this afternoon and looking forward to the workout I have planned for myself as well as my dog while my Birthday Hunk is down at work for the big match today. I have been spending the last three days catching up in my diary as well as keeping track of any new events or thoughts that have passed since the days, to add them in as well. I unpacked my bags and did all the laundry in the house and cleaned and swept and today is the first day where my “vacation brain” is woken up. Cogs are turning again! I thank my boyfriend for taking on the role of permanent accountabilibuddy, because without him, getting back into my routine would be challenging against myself.


So when you recognize where you’ve fallen off your wagon, what steps do you take to get back on?

Where do you turn? Who do you turn to? How do you keep yourself inspired?


 

This is something we could print off and keep with us on our travels! I found this on google, and as what I’ve learned from it, other than being one of the more popular searches for “Getting back on Track” in the images section, this list of 10 is one of the most reposted, redesigned piece of advice for people. Why? 

Because it works.

When you don’t know where to turn to get back on track, start with the mirror.
Talking to ourselves in the mirror is extremely powerful. When we can visit with ourselves in the mirror and remind ourselves how far we’ve come on our health and our hobbies, it is the fire starter we need to push our spirits into the path of greatness!

Don’t get stuck with “vacation brain” and let yourself sink into a slump of laziness. Don’t be so disappointed with yourself that your bad week turns into a bad month. You worked so hard for what you have accomplished and now isn’t the time to deny that! (Is there ever a good time to deny that?)  And don’t ever be afraid to call upon your trusted accountabilibuddies!! That’s what they are there for. To reinvigorate the spark for your fire and help you see what you love the most. They are there to remember your why when you forget it.

We aren’t perfect beings, but we can do our best everyday to keep doing what makes us happy. And after all is said and done, happiness is the closest to perfection as the “perfect” illusion can get. And if you’re happy, then that’s good enough.


 So when you ditch your routine while you vacation and you come back home and the Real World life sets back in, don’t freak out and don’t lose hope and everything else you worked for! Remember why you made your routine, a routine in the first place, and go from there. Use your resources and take some time to zen and think, and even consider if your vacation is one that inspired you to change your routine. (because sometimes that happens too)


Stay strong! Keep the inspiration up and the doubt low! It’s okay to take full blown vacation, but settling back into a routine is not only comforting, but necessary for our sanity 😉

Have any other suggestions on how to get back into your daily regimen? Post your thoughts and comments in the section below and thanks for getting involved! Your words matter 🙂 

 

Committing To the Leap of Faith

So you read Money VS Meaning and you got inspired. You jumped out of your chair with your fist in the air shouting, “This lady is right! My god, what am I still doing in this god forsaken job? My boss is a wanker and she’s right! I deserve better damnit and I am going to get it!”
You walk into the boss’ office and tell him/her that you quit. This job doesn’t make you happy and you’re going to take your employment elsewhere. Bewilderment. You’re feeling heated with passion. You have a smile so big on your face that your cheeks are cramping. Well, good for you for taking the first step!

You quit your dreadful work environment.
You get your last paycheck.

And a week goes by.


 

Now you’re asking yourself, “Oh my god. What the #*^% did I do? I quit my job. Where the &^%$ am I going to go?”
You start having quitter’s remorse. You’re crying and sweating and wondering if there is a way to take it all back. You eat nothing but ice cream in your bed for three days. You haven’t showered or even seen the light of day. You’re rotting.

WAIT A MINUTE!

I specifically did not advise you to rot away in your sheets with pint size ice cream containers falling off your bed filling up with your bedroom with the aroma of cream and body odor.

Fear is not the friend, FEAR IS THE FUEL! 

The best thing to do when you’re in this position to utilize your free time to pinpoint your next move. Spend some time outside with fresh air, listening to your thoughts. Let them come and go as they please and really grab hold of those juicy ones that you notice are coming again, and again. The more insignificant thoughts you let go of, the more vibrant those juicy, important, life guiding thoughts will be shown to you.

The beautiful thing about the Universe, is that we are made up of the same chemicals. Which means we are undeniably connected to the Earth, the Stars, the Planets, and each other. Our thoughts are like a transit radio that takes in limitless frequencies. What we think and the thoughts we choose to entertain, inevitably become our reality. So, the Universe can feel you yearning for a job. It can also, unfortunately, feel you sulking in your rotting bedroom being the only attendee to your pity party.

Now think about this: being that we’ve established the Universe can feel you. It knows what you want. It also knows your purpose. It knows your plan. It knows everything about you even if you don’t know. But do you think, the Universe is going to shift itself and go out of its starry way to help somebody who doesn’t even have the will to get up because all they can think about is their life stresses? Nah, probably not.

But your friend, who saw your excitement last week at work when you quit; the one to which you said, “Dude you gotta read this blog, it’s amazing” and he said “Wow! I’m with you man! I got dreams I’ve been putting off for too long!” – has already received four phone calls to interview with him. One is for the design school he’s been praying to get into and the other three calls are from Design Centers who are practically drooling over his resume.

Why? Because he took the blog posting as a sign; a confirmation; that he indeed, was in the wrong place. He believed in his strength and he believed in his personal power. He believed that by closing the door to an unsatisfying, unfulfilling job, it was practically a guarantee that many wonderful doors would open; honoring his self respect and his bravery. He used his last checks to pay the rest of the month in bills, patted himself on the back for savings ten percent of his paychecks, and after one night of celebration, he woke up the next day and spent eight hours working on his resume, cleaning out his social media, deep cleaning his house, and essentially “Spring Cleaning” through everything he owned. He took advantage of the opportunity to move forward. He understood that by moving forward, you can’t always take everything with you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. While you were stuffing ice cream down your esophagus, your friend was getting his dead ends trimmed up and a hot towel shave and getting fitted for one great suit. Because your friend also understands that every man should own at least one great suit. By using his time and money wisely, he is able to invest in himself and invest in his future, which broadens the opportunity openings.


 

You must trust the process.
The Universe always knows what it’s doing.


Call your friend, ask for help for the next step. It’s okay to ask for help and it’s okay to be afraid of the unknown and it’s okay to not know exactly what to do. That’s why we surround ourselves with like-people and people who lift us up and believe in us. These are called Family and Friends. Utilize them in a time of need and you will be surprised at the army of comodarie that stands behind you to cheer you on as you get out of your smelly, greasy slump and get through the shower. They will cheer you on as you take a big breath of renewed calm air and tell yourself:

Words to live by

Repeat this as many times as you want! That’s the beauty of it. The more you tell yourself something, the more you believe it to be true. You have spent three days sulking because of the negative words you have said to your own body. Can you imagine what you can do if you spent three days telling yourself “Actually, I CAN.” I will give you a hint, your friend is already doing it.

You’ve made the decision to take the leap of faith. Take a breath, now. Smile. Believe you can. The Universe will give it to you. Make yourself a beverage and a snack, open up your windows, and make your resume a knockout. This is your moment of re-birth. When you trust in the Universe you are giving yourself the opportunity to walk anywhere, create something new for the World, or do something courageous. So walk in the light and let the shadows of the stars guide you. Even your darkest moments are meant to happen. When you feel afraid or you feel stressed out about the next step, just close your eyes and take a moment of deep breathing. Ask the Universe for help and guidance and trust that you will receive the help and guidance.

After that, the best you can do is continue to bathe yourself, put your resume out there on every resource you can absolutely think of. Print it out and personally mail it to some of the biggest companies you’ve ever wanted to work with, send it to the people you’ve dreamt of working with the most. The most they can say is no, but the more you put yourself out there, the more that doors open up for you.


You quit the job you hated so you could obtain the job/career you wanted. Wanting doesn’t come without taking action. So go out and show the World that you will get what you want!


And hey, I’m proud of you.

Money VS Meaning

Let me just give it you frank:


Being disrespected by an employer for the sake of receiving a paycheck, is comparable to staying in an abusive relationship out of the fear of being alone.


There comes a moment in everyone’s lives, when you have to put your foot down and say, “I am not okay with being treated like this!” followed by walking away from the situation. Carrying your dignity in one hand and self honor in the other.

 

I quit my job yesterday. What I did, was what I love. Working with animals is part of my purpose. It’s what makes me happy among the other passions in my life I hold. Who I did it for, was not what I loved. Allowing somebody to mistreat you is telling yourself that you deserve to be treated that way. Allowing somebody to call you names for no reason, insult your personality, and abuse your loyalty is telling yourself that you don’t matter.

Granted, even our dream job will haves waves of turmoil or frustrations through the moments of sunshine. Every job gives you an opportunity to ask yourself, “Is this turmoil worth it all?” If the answer is yes, congratulations! You’re right where you need to be in your journey. If the answer is no, you may want to start looking up new employment that will give you equal income sustainability, if not more; and shiploads more happiness.

It’s okay to stick up for yourself, no matter who it is speaking to you in a way that you don’t like. It’s okay to set boundaries of respect and tell your boss or owner of the company, “You know, that’s not okay with me. Please don’t speak to me in that way. That’s a line crosser for me” Warning once is good. It shows that you know where you stand with yourself and you are unafraid to stand your ground. Believe it or not, people in authority like this characteristics among their staff. It shows them that they have strong-willed staff. Some employers become threatened by a strong personality, and if that’s the case, what are you doing working for someone who isn’t secure within themselves? Respect by way of Fear is not how you and a team gain success. It’s not okay to deplete your own body to the point of exhaustion for someone else’s personal goals over your own. It’s not okay to diminish your own core morals and beliefs so someone else can rise and you stay in the same place, if you’re lucky. And it is not okay to be treated outside of being a human being by another, regardless of it being your boss; even if that boss is family.

 

Making an income is extremely important and most of the time, we have our best interest at heart when we say “I am going to work here until I can go to _______”. Well, now you’ve been in the same position for over five years and you work with people you dislike and your boss treats you like crud. And while you’re sitting in your workplace, working to live, daydreaming about what you could be doing for work, about what you want to invent, about what you truly would rather be doing right now. Feel your heartbeat. Notice your happiness levels? You can feel like that every single day and make your daydream a reality by working on it, one step at a time. Fifteen minutes go by, and your boss’ presence snaps you back into reality. You shake your head and tell yourself “I don’t even know why I’m bothering. But one day, I will get out of here.”
I just have one question for you.


 

EXACTLY WHEN, were you going to believe in your dream again?


That’s the issue we’re facing globally. Fighting about hierarchies of class, money, and power. Saying “I can’t do this because I don’t make enough. (even though I work over 60 hours a week, and that’s including overtime).” Telling yourself that it’s too risky to quit your job and get started on your dream. Reminding yourself of all the ways your dream will probably fail. And worst of all, listening to the people who don’t even believe in you!

Excuse my French, but what kind of crap is that? 

Every employer needs employees; that goes without saying. If you choose to settle for anything less than your dream, I hope to God that you’re at least passionate about what you do.

Take for example, The Office, on TV. They live, love, and fight like a family. They’ve all worked together for so long that they remain employed because it’s comfortable, regardless of their everyday surroundings. It pays the bills. It’s consistent. Plus, Michael Scott is a pretty hilarious boss, although entirely irresponsible and a possible reason for high blood pressure. But, how many of them do you see get excited when they tell the camera man that they’re going to probably work for Dunder Mifflin Paper Company forever? One. Dwight K. Schrute. He loves paper. He loves sales. Other than Schrute’s Family Beet Farm, he lives to sell paper to his clients. He does anything for his boss and for his company because his heart is in it. Everyone else will end up miserable, but Dwight has so much passion and purpose for the paper industry, that Jim’s pranks are nearly flies across the windshield to him. They won’t ever be a big enough to quit.

How many of you see yourselves as Toby’s? Your boss has a blatant distaste for you and makes sure you know that every single day. Your boss takes you for granted and harasses you, belittles you from clock in to clock out, and lives to embarrass you and give you a hard time. You do nothing on the outside. Your insides boil up with every glare and every comment. WHY ARE YOU STILL WORKING THERE? Do you really believe you have no other option? THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER OPTION.

How many of you are Angelia’s? You go to work everyday hating everybody you work with so much that you don’t care what you say to them. You’re rude and it doesn’t ruin your sleeping habits. You have a yearning to bond with the people of your workplace because they’re not your cats, but you’re just not willing to accept that other people believe in different things than you. At least cats can’t really disagree with you. Nobody cares to be around you, because your unpredictable moods have produced a warning sign across your forehead.

Whether you’re the person who is bullied at work, or you’re the person bullying; those are gianormous signs that you are not in the right place of employment. You can do so much better for yourself and you can make such a better impact on this World.


Nobody’s purpose is to develop depression, anxiety, and self-loathing by working for a person or a company that does not serve you respect or happiness. Whether you chase your dreams or settle, always know and believe that not one person in this World is meant to dread their work. 


Questions:

  • What kind of attitude do you bring with you to work?
  • Does your attitude help you or hurt you on your journey to success?
  • Is your attitude and journey taking you to where you want to be?
  • Do you feel respected at your job?
  • Is where you are right now with your employment a job or a career?
  • If it’s a career, are you still passionate about it?
  • Have you established yourself among a healthy environment that pushes each other to be the best you can be?
  • If it’s a job, is it still giving you want you wanted?
  • Is it still a stepping stone towards your dream?
  • Have you been using your downtime to work on what it is you wish to create?
  • Why are you still waiting? Why are you still putting it off?
  • If you are miserable, how many times have you had the discussion with yourself?
  • If you’re miserable, why aren’t you doing anything about it? 


WE SPEND A THIRD OF OUR LIVES ASLEEP, A THIRD OF OUR LIVES WORKING, AND A THIRD OF OUR LIVES JUST BEING.

So get yourself one hell of a mattress, one hell of a work placement, and always bask in the moment. 


I wish you all, the utmost happiness in your lives.

Suffering For A Cause

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Crying, pouting, and digging your own grave, should not be a part of suffering, necessarily. Suffering is a beautiful thing if you let it be. Suffering helps us learn something new about ourselves and our surroundings. From said lessons, we are able to grow and share our insights to those who are stepping into the suffrage from whence we just came.

Paying it forward is a beautiful thing.

I suffered, yes indeed. I didn’t just suffer, but I conquered Lent.

Veni, Vidi, Vici !

Through 46 days of shaking hands, eye googling drool dripping out of the corners of my mouth for all the things I want – I made it out alive. Noticing every eye twitch, every palm sweat, and most importantly, every time I said “I don’t need that,” followed by the action of walking away; I discovered and accepted a new strength I didn’t before, allow myself the credit of having.

As was said in Lent It Out “You too, hold the power within!” I took my words very seriously as I let them permanently place themselves in my post. I harnessed my personal power in the times I felt weak and bored.

For the amount I would have spent if I had given into the things I wanted vs the things I needed, I would have spent a grand total of $2,749.

Instead, spending the money on the stuff I needed, I was able to split the cost of groceries without a worry, never fear how I was going to gas up my Xterra, got my dog her big bag of dog food, and was able to pay off $1,152 of debt. Let me tell you – as a 23 year old, that is a big deal. Paying off debts without accruing any new debts is important and strikes me as one of the most important priorities a person can have.

It’s a struggle to overcome an old habit. I would be lying if I said I didn’t put my accountibilibuddies to use. They got called. They snapped me out of it when moments got rough (or when things got cute).

I made a vow by this Lent, that not only shall I control my wallet and temptations, but I will successfully break through the barrier of my weakened need of materialistic fulfillment!

My things don’t make me who I am.
This processes was one of trust and commitment. And every year I do it, I will be reminded, that life is always a work in progress, and our attachments contain our suffering.

To break free from attachment is to obtain freedom.
To gain strength outside of attachment is to achieve power.
To suffer for a cause, is to find meaning behind the reason. 

What It Means to Love Thy Body.

I moved to New York February 3rd. My plane landed in the afternoon and my sweet sweet boyfriend, Danny, had me picked up by a driver and I met him at his work by the time he was off. I hadn’t seen him since January 2nd and I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest at the first sight of him. Could it be?! Danny in person! Not Face-time, not Skype. Person. Real life. When you date long distance, the feeling you get of seeing your significant other in real life is so surreal, you have to literally question yourself if you are dreaming or not. My World was spinning in all the best ways that day.

We hugged for what seemed like, ever. We kissed passionately. And we drove home and talked and he let me gawk at the views out the windows. To him, it was already “the norm” and to me, it was no Wasatch Mountain Range of Utah, but nonetheless, trees EVERYWHERE from the location the highways running through the woods. Snow capped land with enough snow to pack inside the Big Cottonwood Canyon and shred down fresh powder for weeks.

It never occurred to me then that my insides were in the middle of turmoil.

We stopped at Trader Joe’s on our way home and loaded up on groceries. That cutie pie had stocked our pantry previously with all the foods I loved so much to my surprise. He would be leaving in two days and seeing as how I wasn’t yet employed, the only money I had was what was already in my account and he didn’t want me to worry about not having money to buy food while he was in Manchester, UK for work for the ten day pre-season trip.

We went home by the evening and unpacked my luggage and he was giving me a tour of the apartment. Our cute one bedroom, hardwood floor apartment with checkered bathroom and a bedroom with broken ventilation. To me, I thought “this is romance.” The story of lovebirds living in New York in a shitty first apartment with a living room that has no electricity and no heat in the bedroom. The lights and heat worked everywhere else and I imagined us going through this year lease together learning how to fix up the apartment ourselves. New York is expensive to rent in and for the price you pay, it’s surprising how much you get. Like the small shelled bugs that periodically are caught roaming in our house. But it’s our home and that’s what makes it special. It’s our first place together and it’s the place that will upset us and let us down when something breaks and it will be up to us to not let it get the best of us because it’s our first place together and it will be the place that tests our teamwork. Because we are a team. Working hand in hand.

I love the apartment no matter what it’s like. I love the person I see standing across from me in the kitchen dipping his Chewy Chips Ahoy into a glass of Organic Whole Milk. I love that the next evening I get to drive to JFK airport and pick up my most beloved dog and together we will be the Campbell-Laroche household. I love the bitter cold weather of the snow and the way it freezes my fingertips and toes and makes me feel as if my nose will be frost bitten with each deep inhale. I love our tiny town that is one mile long and supplied with just about everything I need a town to have. I love the accent of our Albanian neighbors and the smell of Mary’s Greek food that she cooks everyday. I love that we are the only two apartments in this building above shops and I absolutely love the narrow winding roads that go in and out of the woods along the Connecticut/New York State Lines.

Love, love, love, is what I’m getting at here.
I am telling you everything I love about everything but the most important thing connected to me. And me being my soul. Because I am a soul. My body is my vessel. My body is not me. It is my armor. I never mentioned anything about loving it.

Danny and I finish dinner. We go and lay down in the bed and he puts on a movie. I am curled up awkwardly and thirty minutes go by and suddenly…. I can’t breathe.
With every fiber of my being I CANNOT BREATHE. I began to panic and Danny’s eyes open up wide in terror as he begs me, “Ash what’s wrong??? What’s happening??” I’m gripping my lower abdomen and crying my eyes out telling him I have no idea what’s going on. I can’t stand up straight. It feels like knives and needles are stabbing me and gutting open my insides. Talons are wrenching open every muscle fiber and every connective tissue that is supposed to protect my insides. My uterus is cramping so hard; I have never felt this pain before. I am inexperienced with menstrual cramps because I can count on less than one full hand the amount of times I have had menstrual cramps. And when I have experienced menstrual cramps, all it took was a banana and a 30 minute nap on my stomach to relieve the irritation of the unnecessary process of my monthly due. This was an omen. This was something so foreign and unnatural, I felt like I was releasing something evil through the work of Exorcism that Jayme and I had preformed on people. Their violent screams and gritting teeth. I was feeling this pain.

Danny told me he was taking me to the hospital and I immediately objected. I figured, “Whatever this is, I will sleep this off. Please just get me a hot towel and help me lie down on my back.” He got me what I asked for and told me that I can’t use a home remedy for something that I have never experienced before. Given, that I beg to differ, as I study natural medicine and home remedies for everything, I knew he was right. I had NO idea what was happening and my body was sweating profusely, my adrenaline was pumping. I couldn’t be still long enough to listen to my body. Danny set the timer on his phone for five minutes and I compromised with him that at the end of five minutes, if my pain wasn’t lessened, he was taking me to the Emergency Room.

All I could think about was trying to get my breath slower so I wouldn’t have to go to the hospital on my first night moving to New York. I didn’t know what to think. I knew I would refuse medicine if they tried to give it to me. I didn’t want any drugs in my body and I certainly didn’t want to spend the night in the hospital. And my mom. Last thing I needed was to have my mom stressing out that her youngest daughter, who is prone to developing the most odd of injuries always coming out of thin air that are rare and damaging, be in a hospital in New York her first night moving to New York.

Five minutes was up.

I tried my best to smile and tell Danny my pain was better. He told me to get off the bed. I rolled my eyes and reluctantly started to move. It didn’t take but a couple of seconds before I was clenching my jaw so tight to keep from screaming in pain. Emergency Room is was. I gave in the towel and grabbed my insurance card and he hauled me to the car and we drove to the Northern Westchester Hospital Emergency Room.

A nurse awakened me in the waiting room and walked me back to the room. It was no dream….. I was really there. Danny looked sad from not being able to know what to do to help my pain. I looked at him with sad eyes, feeling like a burden because of my pain. I was wheeled off to another wing of the hospital to get scanned; finding out the omen was a ruptured cyst.

A ruptured cyst.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Or my eyes, when I looked at the ultrasound images in the small dark room, with a very comforting and friendly nurse who I could tell was probably a phenomenal and adorable grandmother to some kids out there in the World. She explained to me that the black blob was free floating fluid outside of my uterus. It would take a few days, maybe a week, for it to exit my body entirely. She was unable to give me a gauge of what my pain would be like, if any.

I just sat..stunned. Flashbacks of horrific memories began flooding my mind and in my heart of hearts, I knew how I had developed this cyst. Given the duration of time, it only makes sense that it would have to burst at some point in time. It made sense to me how it developed. And I couldn’t help but shake my head in deep, deep sorrow as I cursed myself for not realizing what the pain all those months and almost a year before was. For never getting it checked out. I assumed it was one thing entirely natural and instead, it was indeed, the cyst itself, forming and gathering particles until it ceased to grow anymore until there was no other way out other than explosion.

I accepted the news.
They discharged me and told me I could buy Motrin for pain if I felt like I needed it. Otherwise, I should take it easy and avoid vigorous workouts.

When Danny left for Manchester the morning of the 5th, I cried and cried and cried.
I went to the bathroom and held my stomach and looked in the mirror.

And that’s when I realized…..

I had forgotten to truly love my body.

I had spent so much time, for YEARS, including that day, gawking at everyone and everything around me and above me. I expressed love for people, places, and things. I expressed love to myself but never, not once, did I take the consideration to express love; real love; to my vessel. My mortal packaging of bones, tissues, veins, muscles, and organs. My beating heart that worked hard day in and day out to provide the clean blood to pump through my body and feed every square millimeter of my body.

I held my abdomen as I looked into my eyes in the mirror and cried and told my body “I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you over the years. For the impurities I have allowed to soak you down in and the beatings I allowed you to take. Please forgive me for the times I have starved you from real nutrients and water, drying you out. Of course you would begin to give up on me! I don’t blame you. My sweet body…. I love you so much. My beautiful vessel that carries me with these mortal feet, wherever I want to go; every single day of my life. My hands that write and type until my beautiful eyes beg me to shut. They never fight me. You allow me to overwork you and underfeed you and push you to your limits everyday without the amount of rest you deserve. You have sacrificed so much of your energy for me so I can selfishly live how I want to live and I think because you are my body and my mind tells me it’s okay that it is okay. I am so sorry vessel. I am so sorry for the torturous things I have put you through and I beg of your forgiveness. I express all my gratitude to you now and forever. I express my love to you endlessly, for without you, I would not be this being.” I began to specifically touch each individual organ and tell it how much I love it and thanked it specifically for the unique work it does for my body to retain power and strength, giving me another moment inside my own handpicked body. I began to revel in my love for my body and began to have conversations with my body I had never thought to have before. My body began to tell me things it has held onto for so many years. We talked, we laughed, we cried together; my body and I.

And together, we let go.

I promised to myself and my body from that moment forward, I would always remember to give my love and gratitude back to it. I promised to always take care of it. I promised to always listen deeply to it and never take for granted what it has to tell me. I promised to trust my body with its communication.

Just like our friendships, work relationships, romantic partnerships, and family ties that require love and attention and effort. Our body and our souls are tied together in their very own relationship. One that we too often take for granted.

We are not our bodies.

And when we die, our bodies are not ours to keep. Our bodies do not follow us wherever we go because our soul is timeless. Our soul is not kept inside our body because our body is a costume that merely contains our soul which is in fact our life form. Our body is there for us immortal souls to operate and function in a mortal World.

Among every relationship you have in your life; don’t forget the relationship you have with your body. Take the time to touch it, talk to it, listen to it. It is what carries you. It is what saves you. It is your protection. Your very resource for movement alone. And without it, you are imprisoned in a case that will only release you when it finally gives up. So, I say again with as much encouragement as I can muster………..

Love the World around you. Love the ups and downs that come your way. Love the people, places, and things that come in and out of your life. Share your stories and memories and make things happen.

And most importantly, LOVE THY BODY.
The very unique, exquisite, and beautiful threshold that you reside in.
Your ultimate home.

Love it with your full soul and heart and it will love you back. And together, may you both live in this Mortal life, happy, healthy, and prosperous.

 
Amen.

Deep Into the Evolutionary Bind.

Earth was Never meant to be populated by people. It’s as if we came from mermaids and other fish from the ocean. I believe Earth was once a closed space and one day, just started protruding out and blossomed like a flower. That’s why people look like fish and other animals. Rabbits got taller and lengthier. Everything was once under water. For millions of years. Were we meant to be here to tear it down this early?

We aren’t that old of a species. And we certainly haven’t lived to the end. We have a long ways to go until we die out but we are on the fast track of doing it.
People are still living in the past and people are trying to beat the future.
And getting scrutinized for the simplistic lives they live. They are still basking in the Earth. It is still so young.

America was beautiful before the ignorant and greedy British rebels killed themselves to take over. Just as nasty as we do now. Kill everybody for the wrong reasons. Slay humanity. Slay dignity. We weren’t meant to be this developed in life. We have grown on an ignorant idea of power since day one in this dark side of America’s birth. We have become powerful for the all wrong reasons. For all the wrong motivations and notions and endorsements.

Our society has the utmost potential to be fruitful and gracious and beautiful. When we come together, we are unstoppable. We forget we are humans with emotions and a bond of flesh and energy. We are a community of evolved animals of different species, of which our birth mother, the Eel, has shown us an unbelievable amount of rising stardom.

In the beginning of time, the Eel….the first vertebrae-holding species to make its way from water to land. Our ancestor. As time lapsed, so it evolved with its surrounding, bringing on millions of different species and animals, both cold and warm blooded, scales and fur, claws, talons, and hooves. My, my, how we have grown up. To Apes and Humans with opposable thumbs, to skyscrapers and highways and motorized car in a modern society obsessed with consuming superficial products and technology that updates before we get the chance to pay it off. My, my, how we have grown.

This Earth. This sweet ball of liquids and gases and solids. To produce so much awe and beauty is unfathomable. We got lucky.

To treat it as we do…… with pollution and smoke stacks and industrial sites and digging up oil and dumping garbage in the ocean and dolphins dying because of our plastic soda-pop can holders that we carelessly DO NOT EVEN CUT UP that get stuck on their poor bottle noses and they can no longer eat or call out for help and the ruthless way we plow through forests of trees to make way for more shopping malls and fast food chain restaurants and obliterate the entire population by forcing the Chinese to abort or discard of anymore than one child and kids having kids and the poor using their children as nothing more than state funding to survive as an excuse of proper influential raising of the small developing brain and more MORE MORE MORE! we need MORE! WE MUST HAVE MORE! WE CRAVE MORE, WE DROOL FOR MORE, MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE AND NOTHING IS GOOD UNTIL OUR DAMAGE HAS GOTTEN SO FUCKING HIGH THAT IT PENETRATES THE OUTER LAYER OF OUR VERY OWN ATMOSPHERE AND EVERYTHING IS GROWING OUT OF CONTROL AND WE CAN’T EVEN KEEP UP WITH OUR OWN PRODUCTION LINES IN THE FACTORIES OF THESE ELDERLY WOMEN AND MEN AND TINY TINY CHILDREN WHO MAKE OUR TOYS AND CLOTHES, but yet can’t even spell their own name or read the alphabet…….

We just keep going until eventually….

The Earth can’t handle it anymore. And our shattering end becomes a glowing ember of sequence shower and stardust, falling through the universe, landing on new planets, where our Earthly soil will soak in and once again……evolve accordingly to the new surroundings.

Life As I Know It.

A calm life up in the mountainside is all I need to breathe easy. Serenity surrounding me as a sweet foundation to my ultimately up-and-on-the-go lifestyle. I spread the Word of Wellness around the World with business partners nationwide and internationally. I have an empire built on Massage Therapy/Skin Care  with clients who pay me by way of yearly contract only. I have small shops of different business ideas spread around the county. I spend my days massaging clients in a naturalistic setting and educating them about the importance of self-inspired health and a wellness lifestyle where freedom is infinite and happiness is abundant. My clients are dis-ease free and active. They are also turning 110 this year.

From the success of Phoenix Sun Massage, I have continued on to create a local Massage Supply store in a two-level building with a breakfast bar on the bottom, serving healthy breakfast and other food options with homemade ingredients that are fresh and sludge free. Serving the students and faculty of UCMT along with everyone welcome in Earth community. Ran by the top students of the school, to contribute to Work Study, because we all relate to the struggle of student financial life. Business is going great and our word of mouth advertising has brought us incredible, cultured, unique, and interesting individuals from all over the World. I am able to provide a comfortable employment for my employees. They are rewarded full medical and dental coverage through their schooling with discounts off store product, and an environment full of knowledge, respect, and teamwork to build a trusting foundation to last the days.

I work with the Utah Herding Breed Rescue and use my access of 7 acred-land to house foster dogs far enough into the East mountainside with the luxury of creating a backyard paradise of my custom design. By this time, I have made connections with animal societies and animal trainers from around the World by working with dogs, wolves, and horses.

When I am not doing something for my business or animal life, I am basking in my passions for writing and adventure. I keep a few different blog pages on my personal website and write about anything I want to. Mostly interesting stories, to help people take the time for a moment out of their day to sit still and let go. With my personal blog, I encourage the act to always stay on top and keep their head up. I show people what its like to have their imagination and passion back. To create the thing they’ve always wanted and live a life of their said reality. I do this by bringing awareness through my writing, examples, and intellectual approaches; as well as fun and easy-to-read articles that grab the attention of both wild teenager and aging senior citizen. My writing is real and unleashed from the common barracks of societal rules. I keep a music podcast and blog with special guests, ideas, and of course, the music itself. I strive to bring meaningful music of all and any genres out there who lives to speak of real things, real times, and real ideas.

I am respected and successful because of the confidence I hold in myself and my perception. I am a real woman who lives life, truly by the fullest of her passion. I am surrounded by love in many, various aspects. I keep close bonds with friends and family and often have events held at my house for holidays and social get-together’s. I hold my clients confidential, but through my clients, work as a connector to build upon the democracy and community lives, for the better.  I am a reputable contributor to making communities and businesses better for the economy, wellness, and safety of our neighbors, through a free-person-welcomed City Counsel of Salt Lake. With our team full of ideas and sifting out the good ideas from the bad, we are able to create non-biased and fact-full articles about the community and for the community and create change through individual awareness and action. I am one small voice that’s connected with the one large voice our county carries, who shares the credit of creating a truly remarkable way of living by combining ideas from the past, present, and future. We are noticed. And we are heard of. Together, we grow as a community, a state, and a nation. Our nation is coming back on top and gaining their United independence Rights back. People around the World are speaking up, creating, idolizing their lives to fit their happiness and safety priorities. War is down, although bickering remains content. We are in a time of change where the World is (slowly but surely) realizing working together in best frenemy-styled fashion, is going to give them the greater gain.

 

I am living the best life I have dreamed of all this and more. And I owe it all to the faculty and staff of the Utah College of Massage Therapy.