June 2013

The Game Plan

the Pink Queen’s Chair

Day #1 of waking up at 7am everyday:

Of course the night before my first day of my challenge, I wasn’t able to sleep. I can usually sleep like a champion regardless of what the next day brings. Nowadays anyway. I remember the night before the first day of school, I was never able to fall asleep as a child. Christmas Eve, the night before my birthday…… it was all a loss and waste of time for me to lie in bed.

So I read instead. My grandparent’s bought me a book Passage On the Titanic for my birthday this year while I was in the hospital. At first I thought, “Jesus, another book with LDS religion innuendos. Just what I need.” Because usually I am against that. It just gets entirely suffocating to my being to be continuously pressured and urged to “find the right path of Jesus and friends” because I think the path I’m on is pretty awesome and if God and I drank a cup of tea looking through the photo album of my life, he would agree, I have fully taken in the lessons and opportunities he’s made available to the human population.

But that’s getting off topic.

This book is impressively thrilling. I find myself getting all sorts of emotional and I feel a connection with Ella Brown, one of the main characters. She has the worst habit of self doubt, because growing up a rich and spoiled girl, she saw her parents lose it all and she ended up on the streets and got pressured into prostituting herself and giving birth to an illegitimate baby that dies at the scene and becoming friends with her Mormon nurse who helps her get back on her feet.

I know what you’re thinking – whoa whoa whoa!!!!!! Too much turbo!

No, I didn’t go through the same life experiences, but through the experiences I have been through, I have felt many of the same things. Through all the tough mental moments Ella Brown has with herself, she fights every petty comment with an action of perseverence. She is unknowingly courageous to herself, but believes she must be because everybody else tells her so. She is wonderfully smart and talented, and holds a beautiful heart inside her glorious chest cavity. She survived the sinking of the Titanic and continues on her journey to America with the worry of not being able to successfully start a new life for herself there in New York City.
-if you want to know more, I highly suggest to read the book. If you’re not into reading, it’s cool, there’s a dvd.
Just like Ella Brown, I have been having tough mental moments, going through the motions of unemployment. And can I just point out really quick how nasty of a connotation the word “unemployment” has? You say the word in society and you instantly lose face. I don’t like that, because nobody knows why you’re unemployed. People hear unemployment and think “loser” which gives the person of unemployment absolutely EVERYTHING OPPOSITE of what they are seeking.
A fighting fucking chance.

Yes, it’s an inconvenience to the people who feel the obligation to help them out financially until they get back on their feet; it’s rare you find someone who wants to help out just because they want to see you okay and gratitude and motivation is all they ask from you. But, this is America, and everything comes with a debt.
It’s not ever all lost though, there’s always moments of clarity and opportunities just waiting outside your door.

If you are unemployed and there has yet to be a job offered to you, instead of hitting your head into a wall unsuccessfully everyday, why don’t you use the free time you have to not only persevere in the job seeking, but also, cross some “to-do” items off your list?
After all, you have all that free time that would otherwise be spent working. I guess now there is no more excuse to avoid the other life demanding chores, tasks, and goals.

That brings me to my next half of the topic.


Every great challenge has a game plan. Nobody chooses to challenge themselves for thirty days and then wakes up to conquer it with a shot in the dark. You think Genghis Khan developed one of the largest empires in history by just “going for it”? No! He had a game plan! He refined his skills! He practiced his strategy time and time again and put his knowledge and strength to good use to make something of his ruling! He divided and conquered time and time again because he mapped out what he was going to do and he did it. And nothing in the World stopped him until he was satisfied.

It’s important to develop a game plan, because it’s the reminding to keep you on track when you’re feeling like quitting. It keeps you at ease, knowing that there is time to be waited and accomplishments to be made. Change doesn’t come in a day, but we grow impatient anyway. Deep breathing is a concept I will forever be practicing.

my challenge game plan:

  • What sort of awakening routine will I develop to ensure I get out of bed everyday at 7am? Upon awakening, I will let my dog outside for her morning bathroom break. While she is outside, I will go to my bed to clear it and make it before I can think too long about getting back inside of it. I will make my dog and I some breakfast, do the dishes if needs be, and spend thirty minutes stretching the muscles in my body giving me a slow but sure way of waking up.
  • How will I utilize this time to progress in life? By having all this free time that I would otherwise be spending at a job, until I get offered a job, I am going to have the means: 1) To go to my school and make up the classes I have missed. I will regain my 100% attendance and set the example, as an ambassador, that school is a top priority. 2) Everyday turning in resumes in person and over the internet, calling companies, getting updates for interviews, dressing for success, & on the lookout for any application or hiring signs. 3) Making my list of tasks, chores, and goals into a broken down list of what takes the bigger priority and how the time can be managed gracefully with each project regardless of the size. 4) Reading my book collection. I used to read an average of three books a week. And I find with all the time I have now, I can definitely meet that mental craving. 5) Now that my blood clots are stable and dissolving, I can successfully get back to working out without the fear of having a pulmonary embolism explode into the right chambers of my heart.
  • What do I hope to learn/gain from this challenge? From this challenge, I am mostly eager to see what I am capable of. I hope to learn the driving characteristics to my spirit and gain a new sense of confidence. I expect to learn that words won’t get me anywhere, and it’s action that brings the goal to accomplishment. I will gain respect and consideration for myself and the people around me and in turn, receiving respect and consideration. I expect to gain a new outlook in life, I expect some of my beliefs about things will change as my mind widens and allows for more diversity of possibilities to reach my core. I seek to learn what is holding me back, how to fix it, and progress forward – leaving the thing that is holding me back in the past. I crave to fix my procrastination and the laziness I have developed in the past couple months. I pray to gain more humility, more strength, and more patience.

    I will reach each and every one of these desired outcomes by giving my best and absolute sincere effort and not taking a moment to stop under the temptations of the weaknesses. By recognizing my weaknesses, I can further dominate my challenge.

  • What am I willing to sacrifice for this challenge? I am willing to sacrifice my “fun spending” money and exclude shopping from my calendar events until all the priorities get paid first. I am willing to give up my chances of sleeping in, forcing myself to make a productive day out of anything. Naps. Staying up late at night.
  • How will this challenge help me grow as a person? I believe this challenge has come to me at the right time in my life. Although it seems incredibly easy to just wake up at the same time everyday, when you are unemployed, there is a criminalistic sense of freedom you get from allowing yourself to get comfortable. All the way until obligations have to be met. And then the panic sets in and pray for something to come our way. It’s the same concept of asking for forgiveness after you’ve already been caught. You’re either sorry or you’re not, and pretending doesn’t give your morality anymore points than blatantly not caring does. In fact, honest emotions will give your morality more points than anything, because at least your whole heart is in it. At the end of this 30 day challenge, I will become a more patient person and hold a tighter grasp onto my time management throughout the days. I will hold more realistic expectations of my goals and when I can and will accomplish them. I will see free time as a chance to explore an interest or further blossom a hobby or passion, instead of sitting and staring into the blue skies of daylight space. I will become stronger, smarter, and hold my being with a bold confidence. I will refine my problem-solving skills and open my communication to widen my crowd versitility. This challenge will be the barrier that breaks the transitional wall from girl to womanhood.

Coffee For Thought


Wednesday, June 5th, 2013
Loft Cafe Corner

I’m sitting here with Zai and less than ten minutes within being inside the Loft Cafe, an Asian man started talking to me, because of the sight of Zai. She’s always the best conversation starter in the public eye. Just like me, she is social by nature. It’s natural for her to please the audience and slide by with her wagging tail, but she really just likes to chill out at home and play with her friends. That’s also my favorite thing in the World. Big social events don’t really mean much to me, but if I end up attending, I make the best occasion out of it.
I always wonder why strangers choose me to talk to. Is there something frank about my features? What am I doing that is standing out from the others?

I’m sitting here listening to the Spanish and it’s one of the most appetizing languages of my choice. I can smell the quesadillas and see the girls across the room from me, sitting on the couch, sharing a plate of food. Their makeup is done, hair is done, and their nails are painted. Their lip gloss is fresh and smiles sneer. Something about our energy transfer isn’t quite right. But we can’t win them all, right?
I prepared dinner for Todd and I tonight before we went on a date to a movie. I say prepare, because I didn’t actually cook it. I need time to prepare. I need time to think and create a good meal. I get too frazzled with I am trying to do it last minute. I didn’t necessarily not have enough time to cook something, but everything in the cooked section at Harmon’s was just what I wanted to make! And more! Instead I beef, I said, “Fuck the beef! I’m goin with the grilled salmon.”
I lied to him anyway and told him I made the crunchy chicken salad and the baked cubed potatoes with oregano peppered over them. I told him though that I bought the salmon, cause, let’s face it, I don’t even know how to grill a pineapple. That’s not to say I wouldn’t know what to do, I’ve just never done it before.

I didn’t get the job at Sally’s today. I thought for sure I would get it being Bellamy’s friend. I would have got the job if I could work Sundays. I could always change my Clinic shift if I needed to. Sometimes that’s what you have to do in life. Move things around.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I think we just got the moral of the story!
Life is about moving things around.


And as a breed of the American society, I am inconvenienced by change just as much as the next person. Admittedly, I like to have just a little bit more time with my current state of lifestyle at times. It’s always when things just get going perfect in your realm of reality that change comes upon you and embraces you with challenge.

I am not that high anymore, and realizing I definitely should have brought a sweater. This air conditioner is ballsing ass cold. At one point, when I have decided I’ve had enough of the cold air, I will leave. I just pretend the cold air isn’t real. I highly admire the Iceman on the Discovery Channel. If I could monk it out in Tibet for a couple years and control my breathing the way he controls every neurotransmitter coursing through his body.
The best thing I like to do is pretend I’m under the Sun. Soaking up the Vitamin D with the flares close enough to give me a good golden brown color. And then I like to tell myself that I’m not in fact cold, just the air is. And I know that if I focus on the sensory neurons, I can actually tell my brain that it’s not cold at all. And right now, the air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.
The air is lukewarm.

My goose bumps are gone.


I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way I feel connected to the Universe. Things seem to unravel rather quickly after I think them. I am a slow learner because I am really good at justifications, so by disregarding a situation or experience, I think it, I get it. But like I’ve been saying for years “I see it, I like it, I want it, I get it.” I just think it’s the wrong way of the expression. I think I can only juggle so many different things at once and I haven’t found myself a cap off yet. And once I cap it off or give myself a limit is when I will actually see more of the good and more of the opportunities. My problem is that I have given so much opportunity my whole life, I can’t really spot the good or bad anymore. It’s all one in the same to me. I should be able to read the two more blatantly and it does come as a disappointment that I’m not better at Compare and Contrast. I learned it enough times throughout school that I should have a more accurate callout. I guess I was sleeping that class.

It’s getting to that time where I feel like I need to leave and go back home. I think I have heard enough of the words “laptop” “Chinese” “girl” “this cost as much as her laptop” I feel like these girls are being totally snarky and annoying. The only thing I keep wondering about this particular group of people is What is the age difference here?
My coffee is almost done.
That is when I will pack everything up and leave.
I haven’t had the chance to decide how I feel about this place yet. Right now I’m not getting a very good impression, but maybe I am being the weird and quiet one. I tend to do that in public places alone. I admit gracefully, I can be somewhat of a creep. Maybe I just have that vibe, who knows.

Zai is falling asleep, that’s a good sign. Bed will be so comfortable tonight.

Speaking of bed….. it’s becoming too comfortable. I have a tendency to stay in it longer than I should. Unemployment? Slacker? Malaise? Too much pampering? I gotta stop that. Just to get myself up in the mornings, until I get a job, is to set a specific time alarm and have a to-do list to do each day.

Oh my god!

I have been thinking of challenges to do for a new thirty day challenge, and I believe I have just found it.

Hello new 30-day Challenge. Waking up at the same time everyday. Next mission: get the specifics. I will document the challenge throughout. Hopefully this will clear up some of the static that’s been in my head.



Readyyyyyyyyyyyy, BREAK!