October 2012

Skeletons In the Closet.

I’ve been having this intense feeling lately that for every big change you make in life, you won’t complete the process of change without confronting one forgotten situation of the past.

Secrets come out.
Skeletons are dug deep out of the closet.

And in a completely twisted way, we wouldn’t have been able to make the change, without confronting our hidden past.

Why do people have experiences others don’t? Is any experience truly random? Or is it a mix between our current thoughts and past secrets – coming out to form a new age enlightenment?
Hoping that maybe this time, we’ll get it.

I’m a strong believer in the Law of Attraction. I’m a strong believer in communicating with the Universe and using my faith to protect me and others.

But nothing protects you from bringing those things to life. Nothing ever stops surprising you when you must practice your faith out of fear, disappointment, or danger.

I recently took a weekend trip to LA. I had trusted someone who made himself out to be a bigger deal than he was. I was under the impression we would be talking business, fundraisers, and hip hop.
I was also hoping to see one of my best friend’s who now lives there.

So, on Saturday I got ready, packed my bag, and flew out of the Salt Lake valley to the Golden State of the West Coast.

I didn’t think anything of it when Mr. Ivvs picked me up and his cousin was driving. Rick was acting questionably towards me.
As if I was random – which I suppose I am.
As if I was there for illegal business – which I was not.
As if I was there to do dirty work – which, the only kind of dirty work I planned to do was wash the sweat off my body from the plane ride.


I’m lucky.

I’m lucky to have recognized all the warning signs that came after. (although I really should have been more aware to realize them before any trip was planned).
I’m lucky  to have had the strength to stand up to him.
I’m lucky I got out.


I couldn’t help but stop myself and hit my head. Because of the small choices I make and the life I lead, followed by the persistent thoughts of my wrecked past, I have literally created this moment all by myself. I have made this moment re-livable only so I could demonstrate the strength I wish I had years ago.

I have been thinking a lot about the lie I told, about strength, about courage, honesty, and bravery. I have been thinking about change and growth and life choices and how to make them healthier.

So, it’s only natural that my thoughts and actions have manifested into a life experience my gut has been urging me to conquer. Not only did I stick up for myself, to my predator, but I stuck up to every damageable choice I have made – every sick fear I’ve been holding onto – every unwanted, anticipated thought up occurrence.



Veni Vidi Vici

“You’re Weird.”

Why do people have to call other people weird? Why do people have to insult other people by calling then lame or uncool?

Is that even a real trait to have? Or are the insulted the ones who are really afraid to go outside of the box and experience a new person? A new personality?

Everybody is different. People can be extremely similar and still be completely different and yet the one thing that stops us from separating ourselves from everyone else are differences.

It’s 2012 and people everyday still practice discrimination in one way or another. Whether it be by appearance or small characteristics, there’s always something that stops us from opening ourselves up to others.

It’s our fault we don’t have a good time in unknown situations.

We get preconceived notions of a situation before it happens ad sub consciously stop ourselves from smiling, probing, and cheering with new people.

because they are different from us.

Who are we to decide who is weird and who isn’t?

It’s not about who is “weird”, who is “a freak”, who is “normal” – its about who relates the most to us. Who we have the most in common with.

So why do we feel the need to act more profound than others? Why is it so crucial that we lift ourselves up in order to get ourselves a better sense of self?

Why can’t we all just get along?

Could you imagine how much better off the World would be if we celebrated each other’s differences?

Of course, this argument has been going on longer than I’ve been alive.

It’s human nature to be different and to associate with those closest to you.
It’s perfectly reasonable to leave a group with you realize there are more differences than similarities. We are naturally bonded to those who share interests, goals, and lifestyles with us and by no means should we have to forfeit that freedom.

If we didn’t have differences, we wouldn’t have wars followed by peace, debates and controversial discussions. Without differences, we wouldn’t have conversations, questions, and feedback. Differences give us the opportunity to teach others, express ourselves, and journey to something greater.


I know if someone looks at me while I am texting, writing, or listening to music, I am making all kinds of facial expressions. It’s something natural I do, because I can’t hold still when greatness is going on in my noggin. I hum when I am eating delicious food – it’s my compliment to the person(s) who made it. I also sing a lot of my words and use different accents when I speak.

So does that make me weird? Does that paint a label on my forehead as “FREAK”?

or does that make me different?

It’s what makes me, ME. It’s my personal touch to my own flavor. My own beat. My own dance. My characteristics, interests, lifestyle, choices, thoughts, feelings, questions, fashion choice, personality traits – NONE OF IT – will ever be one hundred percent the same as someone else. But that doesn’t stop me from upholding a conversation with a stranger.



I challenge you, to go out and replace every negative preconceived notion you have of someone else, and replace it with a genuine, positive thought about them.

When we go around labeling people and situations as “weird” and “dumb”, we are giving off our label as holding onto negative feelings.

In a World where eastern medicine, energy work, and burning sage is becoming more and more popular, people are starting to cut the negativity out of their lives in every form they can. Hey, we need all the help we can get. 

Push your comfort zone further. Connect with people. Explore differences.


It’s All About the Benjamins, Baby.

Money makes the world go round.
Money is in our daily lives, we spend it everyday, we worry about it, we celebrate it.

Everybody wants to make a lot of money.

But what happens when you realize money isn’t everything?

Freedom happens.
Worries lessen.
Relationships bond.

I currently work two jobs and go to school four nights a week.

My life consists of going to work at 6am and leaving there at 11am to commute to my second job. I stay there until six o’clock and immediately leave from there to go to school until 10:30 at night.

I ride my bike to trax and by the time I get home, unpack my day from my backpack, wash my face and shower and get in bed, it’s about… Midnight.

Sometimes I see my best friend after school and when that happens I don’t get to sleep until one in the morning.

That gives me three hours and fifteen minutes of sleep before I wake up at 4:15am and do it all over again.

I’m drained.

I have no more free time to myself. I’ve been stuck on a book for two weeks too long and I am having more troubles posting blogs. I’m constantly moving in the city or catching up on sleep.

All I have been able to think about is money. I need this job for my sanity, I need that job to get paid. I need money for the show, I need money to buy winter gear, I need money, money, money, money, money, money, money.

But I have to ask myself daily, “Is me getting paid worth it if I am just losing it?”
probably not.

So today, I quit my second job. I have replaced beautiful and sunny afternoons filled with friends, coffee, books, bike rides, and laughter – for an afternoon of hot, suffocating sun blaring straight in my line of sight with three managers who pick on me, treat me like a slave, and threaten my job because I feel the need to see a doctor. I have negativity talking passed me as they walk by. It’s something I don’t have the tolerance to surround myself with.

Sometimes, making a lot of money isn’t worth it if you lose yourself in the process.

Today, I have a piece of my happiness back. I have a piece of my freedom. I have my hobbies, my interests, and my passions to indulge in. I have more time to clean, think, laugh, joke, and be myself. I have more time to discover who I am and the path I lead. I have more time for homework and shopping and cooking with my best friend.

Today, I get my life back. Because I know money can’t tie me down. Money isn’t bribe-worthy in this case. Money doesn’t own me.



Are you stuck in a rut? Are you unsatisfied with the way your job or career is going? Are you telling yourself it needs to change? How long will you wait before you do it? 

If what you have, isn’t making you happy, I encourage you to use this moment NOW to make your dreams a reality.