July 2011

Our Tilted Axis

Current Location: Braintopia, Z’s Body.

Over the test of time, every famous name you’ve ever heard in philosophy has been first sought out to be insane and weird.
Einstein, Aristotle, Murphy, Constantine, etc.
For some reason, these names [to just name a few] have said and done things that make more sense to me than anyone could try to explain. In the days where we rely on technology and Google to tell us insight and give us the answers to all of our questions, I read quotes and research from these people. The things these men have said and done make perfect sense to the way our world is and why we are what we are. It’s a shame they were belittled and undermined as they expressed only what they witnessed.
I feel more connected to them as they days go on and last night, I feel like I connected to the feeling they must have felt. Being so obsessed with the bigger picture and studying the sky and the personalities and everything that surrounds it.

Imagine you are standing on the edge of the cliff. You look down with your neck stretched out as far away from your body as possible. You’re looking a little towards the right and you see this dark circle. On the left side of this black circle, you see a shine so bright it’s blinding to your pupil.
This is the moon.

I don’t know if it’s just because I have taken a lot of hallucinogens in my day or what, but last night, I was in the car riding along to hike up to Salt Lake’s Top of the World with some friends. I stare up at the sky almost as much as astronomer’s do. For the first time ever in my life, I was able to break out of the “norm” thinking and saw the moon for how we really are to it.

The thing we look up at every single night, is not above it at all. It’s down, underneath and to the side. I saw the way that in all actually we were not driving straight on a road or standing straight up towards the sky. If you were to take some sticky shoes and walk up the side of the wall and stand with your feet in the corners where the wall and ceiling touch, you would be in the correct position of whatever you were doing last night at midnight.

We are not in fact looking “up” when we see the stars, moon, and sun.
Because of this thing called Gravity, we’re held down to whatever ground is underneath us, giving us the illusion that “up” is truly up.

To see this with no telescope or calculator or locator. To see it with the naked eye was magical and resonated deep within my spirit. Everybody has the gift of inner sight, the trick is getting in tune with the ability to let go of all “impossibilities” and be one with nature.

When you read about resurrections, reincarnations, or past lives, do you ever wonder if you aren’t living in your first life? If maybe you were someone before and through a series of feelings, aspirations, and events, that you are coming to terms not only with your present life, but also being able to connect to your past?
There is a reason we were related to our certain ancestors. There is a reason we have the hobbies and interests we have, because somewhere along the lines, through centuries of generations, these have been imbedded in our DNA for us to be where we are, right now, doing exactly what we are doing.

To look up at the moon, to look down at the moon, or over to the side; we are looking into the past, at all the people who came before us. Those who shared sights with the moon, thinking about the bigger picture of where we came from and what we are going to do next. We all know more than we think we do. We are all connected to the past in one way or another.

I challenge you, to take yourself out of “the norm” thinking and look at the World differently today. Look at something you see everyday in a renewed perspective. Challenge your thought process. Challenge your spirit to grow in a way you haven’t ever thought about and see where the process takes you. 

Don’t just look. Open up your eyes.

A way to end a date.

Current Location: My african cabana
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent

We got pulled over in my drivway. There are red and blue lights flashing in through every window of each house on the block.
Waiting is the worst part of the whole situation, too. The fact I can’t even go in my house is a little frustrating.
Why didn’t he tell me the car he picked me up in isn’t his? Oh yeah, because it belongs to the company he works for.
The cops think he stole the car!

The family who rents out the front of the house I live in is looking through the living room windowns and I can see them. I feel horrible. They have babies trying to sleep.

He is standing on the sidewalk with two cops, by the tree, answering questions. The cop just came to my window and asked me my information. Hell no, Officer, I live here, thank you very much. My twenty year old, license suspended, sober body lives here all by myself. I just want to go inside. They made me go inside my house to give them a piece of mail proving I lived there. What? Isn’t my key opening my door proof enough? Ugh, some patrol cops are completely useless.

Thank you Justin, for being a total wanker and bringing them to my house. They made him park the car in my back driveway. I walked right inside my house. I didn’t shut my front door all the way, because that would make me a wanker, too. I didn’t neccessarily invite him in… But I did ask him if he wanted something to drink while he waited for his friend to come pick him up. He denied me.

So he leaves and I get in bed. Which is where I am now…..
Justin just texted me and asked me what I thought about dating him.
What???? Is that a real question? Come on dude…………
you totally blew your chance.

Family Getaway

Current Location: Grandma’s Oak Tree.
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful

I have never had more mixed feelings about one group of people. The classic complain. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family much more than anything and anyone I have ever loved before. I just realize I am the black sheep. Which I can’t help but think, am I okay with it? Or should they accept me for the witty, open-minded, spontaneous, free spirit I am?
The answer is…. yes. Of course they should accept me. Some don’t and others love to see the new surprise of body jewelry or art I bring on the reunions. What will Ashlyn do next? It’s a question of excitement every year. I have learned to be comfortable with myself and express my personality around them in a respectable way, but a way that shows them I will always still be ME. A branch that grew a different way. A person that still asks questions non-stop about how my grandma and grandpa fell in love. How my aunt is such an amazing cook. I never stop telling my cousins how much I love them.

You don’t get to choose the family you are born into. You are born into a family to either be a learner or a teacher. I am a teacher. Teaching my crazy, quirky, intensive LDS family that it’s okay for people to grow up differently. Getting tattoos and piercings doesn’t make someone bad. Drinking coffee and tea doesn’t mean I am going to hell. I have love in my heart and tell my own cousins to never do many of the things I have done. I tell them to stay in school, follow their dreams, and always be honest with their parents. To include family in whatever they can.

I am the third oldest cousin and grand kid. It is my responsibility to set an example. This weekend, my family and I came together laughing and sharing stories. We ate every meal outside in the yard with all the animals and bare feet we had. We played tether ball, soccer, tag, and volleyball. The kids with swimming suits jumped in the pool. Myself and the adults sat at the tables and talked some. I was sober and happy and engaged in the moment. I got to be a kid while still fitting in with the adults to be taken seriously. I didn’t swear around them. I taught my cousins how to say “I love you” in french so they could say it to their parents at night. My 15 year old cousin and 12 year old cousin both put hair wraps in my hair. I had the best time in my life.
I fell in love with my family all over again.

When we’re younger, it’s the cool thing to rebel and complain about family reunions. It’s cool to isolate yourself because you’re a teenager and that’s what they do best, right? No…… it’s not that cool.
I have never had a better time than when I am with my family. Family definitely is and always will be the most important thing to me.

Hands down.
I am extremely thankful I got to spend this fourth of July weekend with them. They have helped the reinvention of myself and helped me grow in ways I couldn’t have thought possible, this time last year.