March 2011

Cheaters

Current Location: Front Desk, Work.
Current Music: Ke$ha – The Sleazy

For the most part, when you hear of a guy cheating on his girlfriend, the girlfriend gets pissed and threatens to beat up “the other woman”? And for the most part, that girlfriend still stays with the guy?
I understand that as a woman, we protect our man. That’s OUR man goddamnit. But also as a woman, we need to not let our man control us. We fall too easily for the “baby, I love you though. She means nothing.”

What happened to our empowerment? We have what the guys desire. We are the temptress, not the toad. Since the beginning of time, we are the prize men want. We are the strong and beautiful creatures that men should be THANKFUL they have. Yet, in this modern day, because of past decades reputations and our newly found sex appeals, we have lowered our standards and our pride. Guys don’t want sleazy girls, so why should we have to put up with skeezy guys? Men are not our God. We DO NOT need to bow down to them whatsoever. We have no attachment to them; we don’t owe them anything.

Women, BE STRONG! Don’t be looked at like the fool you will be if you are okay with your man touching another woman and then coming home to you later. DO NOT belittle yourself. There are millions of other men out there, and [I believe] one soulmate. Don’t get so upset if things don’t work out, obviously you aren’t meant to be with that man. Cheer up, put a smile on, and get out of your bed.

The man who truly loves you, WOULD NEVER hurt you.
Remember that, ladies. You are beautiful and you are strong.

<3.

Samidge Meditation

Current Location: Schwinnster, outside.
Current Music: Skinny Love by Bon Iver

I’ve never realized more, than when I’m high, how fucking beautiful Utah is. Our mountains just breath taking. My breath is literally being taken away, so much, I can barely enjoy my Jason’s Deli Rueben sandwich. Today, the air has no pollution. It’s crisp and just wet enough to take 8 count breaths in and fill up the lungs with good energy. Nobody has our beautiful of a place to live, for a desert. Did you know our entire 30 mile range of the Salt Lake Valley used to be the bottom of a lake? Yes, that’s indeed why we are surrounded by mountains, you think anyone is that lucky? No way. We’re not too populated, like California, where the scenic mountains are covered by houses and cars. We’re not too deserted that we don’t know what’s going on, on the other side of the mountain. We may have a lot of Mormons, but, when is that a bad thing? We have a pretty safe state environment, and for the most part, good standards. The people here really do mean well, regardless of the religion or ignorance, arrogance, shallowness, etc.

Looking around lately, I’ve started to match where I am with how it would look from a bird’s eye view or if you were to look at a map or globe. It’s pretty mind blowing. I’m looking at our mountains, measuring how high in actuality they really sit up. Every morning I get to greet the Sun coming up behind the Wasatch Mountains: Mount Olympus, Lone Peak, Mount Timpanogos, and South Mountain (not counting the mountain peaks that continue with the Wasatch Range both North and South of our valley) topping out at just below 1,200 feet. It may not be as tall as the Colorado Rockies, but damn! That is tall, Utah! We’re tiny. We’re lucky we are bigger than flies. Putting it into perspective, if you mound up piles of sand, making the Wasatch Front, we are smaller than a single grain of that sand.  How high our exact elevations are and comparing them to our world or holding it up on a platform for a science project. Again, my mind is being blown. It’s almost time to dance with Lucy 🙂

Bad Hearts Die Shamefully.

Current Location: The Iron Stool
Current Music: Adele – Rolling in the Deep

You know, I always try to see the good in people, but how can a person feel so good of themselves when they speak freely of damaging someone else’s life for no reason?

Last night at work, Kami, another door girl, started complaining how she is getting a knee surgery this week from a car accident she got into one year ago. She was calling her parents, cursing at them, demanding to know when she is going to receive her crutches. She walks fine, by the way. Just so we’re all clear. She has no problems with walking and none of us in the building have ever heard her complain before this day about her knee. In fact, she jumps around and climbs the ladder in the stock room with no problem at all. It struck everyone by surprise, actually. She started rambling off about how she was going to have to pay for he surgery out of pocket because the insurance won’t cover it.

“Hmmm… well that’s weird. You’d think they would, considering you were the victim of an accident… What is their reasoning?” I asked her.

“They said that it after looking at the doctor notes and papers from when I went in after the accident that it was only a minor injury with bruising and if I still wanted the surgery done, it was strictly voluntary and I would have to pay for it myself.” As she crossed her arms and let out a pout.

I was thinking she was doing it just so she could get doped up on some sweet pain killers, but no! She was just doing it to sacrifice her getting more money when SHE SUES THE PEOPLE FOR EVERYTHING THEY HAVE!!!! She openly admits to this with no problem. In fact, this is her 4th suing she has done to somebody in the last 3 years. (Boys, you know where to find your sugar mama.)

“So, even though this guy fixed your car after the accident, you are still going to sue him for a surgery that you don’t even need? Did he cause you mental damage? Are one of your lungs broken from the accident? Do you still have all ten fingers and toes? Are you still healthy? What exactly did this guy do to you to make you want to take all his money, besides the fact that you have a good lawyer?” I demanded to know. After all, it became my business after the 30 minutes of listening her to tell me about it.
NEWS FLASH KAMI: Not only do I not already like you, but this gives you absolutely NO respectable credibility at all.

When you come from a wealthy, well-off family; what is your justification? I tried to bite my tongue as hard as I could after that. Do people these days think they are born with the grace of others? Is a minor car accident that important to take somebody’s life and put them into debt? No wonder America is in so much debt to each other. We have made civil court a hobby. Did you know that if you go out to a Walgreens, for example, and you buy the new electric blue nail polish you’ve been dreaming of and you go home and put it on and it paints a pale blue on your nail, you can actually sue the nail polish company for False Advertising? Yeah, that’s a real thing! You can sue a stranger if you really wanted to for their dog going potty on your lawn. OUCH! Poor pup….. I wanna know the reasons behind these? Are lawyers getting desperate for money? If so, is it very reputable for them to take these cases, or does it just make them an asshole, too?

Regardless of which side you stand on, no matter if you are an asshole or a innocent grandfather, if you put yourself in the “sue-ee’s” shoes, how would that make you feel? Blindsided? When is enough, enough? When do people in conflicts feel satisfaction, if ever? Some people just like causing pain. I wanna know how they sleep at night.

I hate looking at her smirk right now as she is still talking about this.
Some people need to be smacked upside their head.

My crazy tangent.

Current Location: Carpeted Computer Corner
Current Music: Bon & Iver

-written out of my diary today-

Everyone always asks me and wants to know, “Ashlyn why do you always go off on these random tangents about crazy shit? I swear you’re just there, but in your own little world.”

Hey, it’s not that I’m not listening…. I am. It’s just your statement kept reminding me of shit until I came to a satisfied source of sub conscience. I just find it hard to explain that in person, because I visualize my thoughts. I don’t see words in my head. Literally. I just don’t. I’ve always had vivid dreams. So don’t make feel weird or start assuming you know what I’m talking about. You also don’t give me the chance, ever, to attempt to say why. There are too many details and pictures going on up there. And that’s WHY I keep a diary. So I can get everything out on my own time. Paper doesn’t cut me off or interupt me. Paper doesn’t conflict with my direction or use emotion. It just lets me take my time. Paper is my connection to my mind………

Hmmm… A picture really is worth a thousand words.

Have you ever met someone so unusual, but you don’t know why you were drawn to them? You talk to them because they say things that you would never think or say aloud by yourself? Those are the kind of people we need to keep close. Those are the people who don’t care what designer you’re wearing or if you only like smoking or only like Dragon Ball Z. People like us don’t care what everyone else is doing or saying. Don’t make people like us feel weird because we have a free mind. I think my mind is beautiful. If you were to see inside my head, it would be a paradise like no other. Full of flowers next to a lake. Reading a book peacefully and enjoying the company of whomever I please. It’s quite nice. It sounds quite crazy, but my Godmother’s name isn’t Stormi for a reason. I lived my first two weeks in this world with no name. My mother and family had no idea what to call me; they said there was nothing they tried that fit me perfectly. One day my Stormi drives to my mother’s house, rushing and breaking all sorts of traffic laws, bangs on the door…. When my mom answered, she looked a little frantic and Stormi shouts, “I’ve got it! I know what to name her! It came to me in a dream last night. Her name will be Ashlyn.”

And somehow that stuck. Now I have really powerful dreams. They tell me the things I need to pay attention to. I have more deja vu than a normal person; is 4-5 times a week normal? I guess that would explain a lot. They say when you’re born, a name says all about you. My whole life when people compare their personalities to their names, it always seems to fit perfectly. It’s quite freaky, and I guess mine is no different. According to www.thinkbabynames.com, the meaning of Ashlyn is “dream” and according to http://wiki.name.com, my name comes from the Irish-Gaelic word Aisling (pronounced Ash-lin) meaning “a vision.” This comes from an even more ancient Gaelic word meaning “ditch,” referring to the underground structures Druids would inhabit while in mediation.

Now if this doesn’t make you wanna look up your own name and do some research, I don’t know what will. For me, this gives me chills, not only do I feel like there was a reason I was named the name I was, but I do have Irish in me. Dreams are my most powerful forms of consciousness, and I conquer more realizations through meditation than any other activity.

I think this is a fun little activity that will help you get to know yourself, as well as maybe understand others. It’s not much, but it helps some. As Shakespeare wrote, “What’s in a name?”  Well, Ashlyn has always been an unusual name and I have always been an unusual person. It does not surprise me that I don’t think in words. That I go off on tangents about ideas that lose people’s attentions. I am the way I am.